So for people who don't know me very well, I come across as a smart and dedicated, serious person. I'm 19. I just finished up school in May, in Florida. And I don't plan to go to college. So school is no longer relevant, but...at school, I was always studying and reading over notes. And while people were often talking, having fun, I was STILL studying.
Since I'm out of school now, and am not going to college though...I will get a job sometime in 2020, but for now I'm taking it easy after finishing 12th grade. I actually barely passed. But when I'm with my friends...I'm almost always researching a topic on my phone. About psychology or dinosaurs or TV shows or whatever. So I seem super dedicated.
But when people actually get to know me...they soon come to see how much of a mess I really am. How clumsy I really am. How many unbelievably stupid infuriating mistakes I make in one day, every day. How I fall for the most obvious scams or tricks. How gullible I am. How stupid I am. How unskilled I am. And so on and so forth.
Like for example...for school grades...you'd assume they're really good. But I have almost never gotten an A in my life. Mostly just B's, C's, D's, and even a few F's. And I don't even take AP or honors classes. I just took regular ones, and still struggle.
Then for the things I research on my phone...when people ask information about dinosaurs or whatever, I just freeze up, as I don't know what to say. I sort of have short term memory loss, and easily forget what I just read literally like 30 seconds ago.
And I also don't really have any skills. All the stories I write are a mess and don't really go anywhere. All of my drawings leave much to be desired. Whenever I cook I just make a mess more than I make food. When I sing, people beg me to stop. And so on and so forth.
And after all of this...people just seem to lose respect for me and treat me different. They start to insult and belittle me a lot more, and I'm often not even invited to a lot of events. I basically become the butt of the joke.
And I just question...if when I start acting like myself people shun me, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't keep up the stoic smart guy persona for long, while I'm actually a clumsy dumb mess.
Since I'm out of school now, and am not going to college though...I will get a job sometime in 2020, but for now I'm taking it easy after finishing 12th grade. I actually barely passed. But when I'm with my friends...I'm almost always researching a topic on my phone. About psychology or dinosaurs or TV shows or whatever. So I seem super dedicated.
But when people actually get to know me...they soon come to see how much of a mess I really am. How clumsy I really am. How many unbelievably stupid infuriating mistakes I make in one day, every day. How I fall for the most obvious scams or tricks. How gullible I am. How stupid I am. How unskilled I am. And so on and so forth.
Like for example...for school grades...you'd assume they're really good. But I have almost never gotten an A in my life. Mostly just B's, C's, D's, and even a few F's. And I don't even take AP or honors classes. I just took regular ones, and still struggle.
Then for the things I research on my phone...when people ask information about dinosaurs or whatever, I just freeze up, as I don't know what to say. I sort of have short term memory loss, and easily forget what I just read literally like 30 seconds ago.
And I also don't really have any skills. All the stories I write are a mess and don't really go anywhere. All of my drawings leave much to be desired. Whenever I cook I just make a mess more than I make food. When I sing, people beg me to stop. And so on and so forth.
And after all of this...people just seem to lose respect for me and treat me different. They start to insult and belittle me a lot more, and I'm often not even invited to a lot of events. I basically become the butt of the joke.
And I just question...if when I start acting like myself people shun me, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't keep up the stoic smart guy persona for long, while I'm actually a clumsy dumb mess.
