Note: (My apologies if this is a rant and unorganized; I needed to vent.)
It's all too much for me: College, Medications, Scheduling, Taxes. I feel myself and my energy getting wasted thin.
I know I sound like a loser, and in most aspects, I am. Wasting time posting here instead of studying,
I had to bring myself out of the shit-hole that was my teenage depression, however because of that, I had no skills when I finally got to college, I don't know whether it was the fact I'm an Retard with so many labels added to me that you could count it on two hands, or the fact that I am just lazy, despite me studying especially hard, I don't know the perception of myself.
Either way, Life keeps getting more stressful. More recently, my professors essentially doubled my work, 5 Projects + plus 1 Mandatory Class, plus weekly exercises, weekly quizzes, and Finals coming up, One of the projects of which is a group exercise; one thing that you should know about me is that I'm incredibly empathetic, and hate to bring people down, I don't want to drop-out because I'd be a failure. I would have to literally break my back like the rest of my family if I went back to minimum wage Labor again, nor do I want to sit on my ass all day like a loser.
But because of my medications, I can't drink coffee, and because I'm an retard I can't listen to music while studying or working, I usually feel fine in the morning and start studying at 7:00 but at 12-1:00 pm, I'm burnt-out, but I have to keep going (At least until 4:00), but it's hard to do so
I feel like it's hard to have a drive to commit myself to college when it isn't even for a study I'm passionate about, but I don't want to bring other people down,
Like I've already done before, the only thing that keeps me going is writing and drawing, and even then, I feel guilty doing it instead of studying. It isn't nearly good, and it doesn't pay well enough to make it my career, despite my willingness to work 12-hour days if I end up in that situation.
I feel stuck, and I need some help or suggestions.
It's all too much for me: College, Medications, Scheduling, Taxes. I feel myself and my energy getting wasted thin.
I know I sound like a loser, and in most aspects, I am. Wasting time posting here instead of studying,
I had to bring myself out of the shit-hole that was my teenage depression, however because of that, I had no skills when I finally got to college, I don't know whether it was the fact I'm an Retard with so many labels added to me that you could count it on two hands, or the fact that I am just lazy, despite me studying especially hard, I don't know the perception of myself.
Either way, Life keeps getting more stressful. More recently, my professors essentially doubled my work, 5 Projects + plus 1 Mandatory Class, plus weekly exercises, weekly quizzes, and Finals coming up, One of the projects of which is a group exercise; one thing that you should know about me is that I'm incredibly empathetic, and hate to bring people down, I don't want to drop-out because I'd be a failure. I would have to literally break my back like the rest of my family if I went back to minimum wage Labor again, nor do I want to sit on my ass all day like a loser.
But because of my medications, I can't drink coffee, and because I'm an retard I can't listen to music while studying or working, I usually feel fine in the morning and start studying at 7:00 but at 12-1:00 pm, I'm burnt-out, but I have to keep going (At least until 4:00), but it's hard to do so
I feel like it's hard to have a drive to commit myself to college when it isn't even for a study I'm passionate about, but I don't want to bring other people down,
Like I've already done before, the only thing that keeps me going is writing and drawing, and even then, I feel guilty doing it instead of studying. It isn't nearly good, and it doesn't pay well enough to make it my career, despite my willingness to work 12-hour days if I end up in that situation.
I feel stuck, and I need some help or suggestions.
