Venting it really is over

[maidens]

I'm being serious when I say I don't have anything
all I do is rot in bed, stare at my phone screen with music from the television in my room playing in the background, and I get up to eat every now and then. it's all the same. I don't have any friends IRL, or anyone to talk to in person outside of my family at that.

I guess you could say I have the internet, but what kind of life is that? I do everything in my power to be at least a little known online, but despite all my efforts I never get much attention. I can get along with almost anyone online so I have tons of online friends, but almost nobody in person. but all of my online friends don't truly care for me and I know that. even if they do, I know I'm a burden to them that would be lifted if I ctb already

my life is so uneventful. there's nothing I can do. sometimes I go out for food but that's about it. I used to have a ton of OCs & had multiple projects I was working on but I've given up drawing as said in my last post, and I don't know if I'll pick it back up. I wanted to make my main project into a game and that kept me going at least a little, but I can't do that anymore since I don't draw anymore and even if I did, the whole concept is pretty ridiculous so it's not much of a loss.

my mother is a terrible person. she's very nice most of the time, but the moment I do something wrong she treats me like a subhuman and I'm not exaggerating. I hate this, I don't have anything and there's nothing I can do anymore. my life is a constant loop of the same day over and over again.

I remember saying I "wanted" to suffer more so I felt valid, I guess I got what I wanted. I've hit a dead end in life. I know I'll ctb relatively soon, I can't even enjoy my final days since what even can I do? all the circumstances in every aspect of my life have been turned against me. everything goes wrong. there's nothing left to do but die, and I've understood that. I'm sorry, my past self who thought one day it would all get better

 

[AnotherStatistic]

I'm in the same predicament. i lost my only friend due to me not.. understanding metaphors.
I wake up at 6am, to to work at 7 am, come back at 7pm. Spend the rest of the night gaming to distract me. With no actual hobbies i'm left with no reason to keep wasting air.

I cant offer any suggestions, i'm as bad an influence as any, knowing that i'm pro cbt and am wasting my life away too - sorry
if you wanna vent, Dm me - i can relate

 

[CalCal]

I relate to this a lot. I haven't had a real life friend in years, and even when I had real life friends, it wasn't because I actually enjoyed spending time with them, it was because I was afraid of being alone. I've lost all motivation in shit I use to be into, and all my internet friends have moved on, and are actually normal people with friends irl. I'm so tired of watching the same YouTubers, everyday, the same songs, everyday I just rot online. I really hope you get into the things you love again. Also I love Hatsune Miku too!!

 

[Csmith8827]

I feel the same way. I don't have anyone except my mom really...my brother and sister are both grown adults with children to take care of etc. My dad lives his own life and isn't around anymore. I'm 35 years old so none of this should even matter. I used to live on the streets of Los Angeles but got injured and kinda "trapped" into staying here (Texas) because I had to come back to heal. I was given an ultimatum that if I left again I could never come back or live here again. This is a really messed up situation to be in. I've been working a job for about a month but I mean it doesn't pay much and I work around a bunch of high school kids. I just wish I could at least work a job with people my age or something. I have a criminal background so it's hard to find a good job.

TLDR; you're not alone, I don't really have anyone other than my mom and our relationship is complicated...

*Edit: I have God too but like... human contact is limited

 

[AkaRed]

Exactly the same here ://

Literally my life is so fucking- nothing?? I have literally no IRL friends, my few online friends will only speak to me if I reach out first, I have no hobbies and anything that interests me is usually some niche nobody really cares to listen to me talk about.

I don't want blank responses of "oh thats nice", just feels like talking to a void. I want people to *know* me, and for me to *know* them. Something— ANYTHING significant. Everything in my life is insignificant and nothing. Its all nothing.

I've hit a dead end in life too honestly. I feel like I've failed at life, yknow? Genuinely hit a complete dead end, and there's nothing left for me anymore.

CTB really is the best, and honestly, only option at this point. This has been building for years.

<3