Venting It might be over

[yess]

For reference im autistic,
Its like having a mental disability that you're aware of. I'm aware of how great connecting to other people supposedly is but i cant because it would require me unmasking, and even while masking i make people deeply uncomfortable. I've done some really embarrassing shit in the past aswell which means i cant even just be the quiet guy minding my own business . Couple that with extreme loneliness, no drive or motivation, anxiety and knowing if i dont ctb i'll watch my life slowly spiral into just rotting as a suicidal neet for 50 years having to live with the shame,

Its becoming pretty apparent my life was predetermined to be shitty and there's nothing to do about it except ctb

 

[Graveyardly]

Wasssup, we are at least 2 in this case ! Can't bear the thought of growing old and staying the same, but can't form connections. I guess my only hope is to find a hobby, do you have a fixation or hobby ?