Venting It feels like the universe is pushing me to ctb

[CookedRamen]

To start off I'm not religious, perhaps a little spiritual. It just feels like at every turn the world or universe or whatever is pushing me toward ctb.
I'm in the process of finding a place to live and I have 1 month left to find a place. During this time my car breaks down and my mom offers to get me a new one, we get a new one. A bunch of problems pop up that would cost me thousands to fix, just like the last car. So now I'm stuck with 2 cars I can't drive and 1 month to find a place to live. I also have to drive to my job and taking the bus isn't an option as it's a super rural area.
I just don't really see how I'm supposed to get out of this. My mental health has been better overall and I don't really WANT to ctb but I'm really feeling like it's my only choice to escape this situation I'm in. I feel like a wounded animal.

 

[Seneca65AD]

I absolutely understand your feelings about the universe. It's almost as if there is someone up there (or down there) who wants to see how much bullshit one can take before deciding to say "f%#k it" and check out. Just when I think there is nothing more I can take, more shit gets piled on: Billings are low and I have to make payroll? Throw in more money. Expert witness fees are due but no billings yet? Throw in more money. Oh look, I just received payment for a massive file - excellent - then I get a call I'm being audited.

Then, just when I think to give the universe a big FU and leave this world, something happens which really seems almost as if the universe is either saying "sorry" or "we'll cut you a break", then I slowly pull myself out of the depression and negative thinking and things really start to get better for a while.

So, maybe you want to talk to your boss about your vehicle and living situation. Perhaps they know someone who has a good cheap vehicle, or can fix a vehicle and take payments, or can provide a rental home / apartment near your work. What about speaking with friends, co-workers, family? I know it isn't easy to discuss your problems with others, but the more eyes and ears that are aware of your issues, the more likely someone has a solution. You just may be surprised what happens.

And my audit? Nothing found and I'm just left with a 6 figure accounting bill. That's called "winning!!".

 

[littleballofrice2]

pardon my english, one of my friends was trying to find a reason to ctb and he got a notice of unemployment from his job (for a job he liked) and his best friend stopped talking to him and and he ctb a few weeks later...i hope he has found peace
i think sometimes you get these signs, maybe the universe tells you your job is done here, or maybe it's a challenge for you to overcome to know you can overcome future challenge. i guess it's glass half full or half empty

i hear back about a fellowship grant soon, i hope universe still thinks i have more to do before i join my friend

(funny coincedence, our name is both food :P