Discussion Pushing people away

[violet.4321]

I've been struggling with this for the last years. I have a bad habit of pushing any friends away when I feel like ctb, but everytime I didn't go through with it and ended op lonelier than before. I don't have that many people close in life, my family doesn't know about how I feel and doesn't understand either way. After I told some friends about my feelings on ctb I pushed them away, because now they know too much and it would only hurt them. But as time goes by, I don't have anyone left to talk to. Is this actually the way to go? Pushing everyone away so that when I finally ctb they wouldn't care? I've made myself such an unlikable person, but I don't know if it made me feel better in the end, because I also want to have friends till the day I ctb. I don't know when I will do it, but I'm sure it's what I want.

How do you deal with your family, friends or other close people? Do they know, do they care? I'm curious about your experience.

 

[booplesnoot34]

It's a catch-22. You need to push them away so you won't hurt them when you die, but you need them to stay so you have a reason to live. I guess it depends on whether you want to suffer living with friends or die alone and unloved. Which is worse? That is up to you to decide.

 

[explosiveKai99]

I did the best combination: pushed everyone away so I had nobody to depend on in my hardest moments, then everything got fucked up, then I came back and slowly rotting in some proximity so everybody's frustrated with me and when I will inevitably die by my hand they will feel close enough to blame themselves a bit and suffer

 

[lastappleonearth]

I've been struggling with this for the last years. I have a bad habit of pushing any friends away when I feel like ctb, but everytime I didn't go through with it and ended op lonelier than before. I don't have that many people close in life, my family doesn't know about how I feel and doesn't understand either way. After I told some friends about my feelings on ctb I pushed them away, because now they know too much and it would only hurt them. But as time goes by, I don't have anyone left to talk to. Is this actually the way to go? Pushing everyone away so that when I finally ctb they wouldn't care? I've made myself such an unlikable person, but I don't know if it made me feel better in the end, because I also want to have friends till the day I ctb. I don't know when I will do it, but I'm sure it's what I want.

How do you deal with your family, friends or other close people? Do they know, do they care? I'm curious about your experience.

I feel that, I pushed so many people away bcs I was/ am mentally unwell, I self sabotaged the most important relationships I had. I always knew how it would end, but I did it nonetheless, I don't know why. I terribly regret it now, I grieve my lost relationships. Pushing people away usually just makes everything even worse

 

[NonEssential]

I don't exactly push people away but I just interact with them a lot less and have stopped caring seeking out situations where I could potentially get friends.

 

[violet.4321]

It's a catch-22. You need to push them away so you won't hurt them when you die, but you need them to stay so you have a reason to live. I guess it depends on whether you want to suffer living with friends or die alone and unloved. Which is worse? That is up to you to decide.

Something about dying alone and unloved sounds poetic to me, yk? Like how it should've been all my life.

I did the best combination: pushed everyone away so I had nobody to depend on in my hardest moments, then everything got fucked up, then I came back and slowly rotting in some proximity so everybody's frustrated with me and when I will inevitably die by my hand they will feel close enough to blame themselves a bit and suffer

Sounds like you found the right in between, I'm wishing you the best

 

[delinquentsandwich]

I kind of regret pushing everyone away but I also understand that it is better for them to move on now, thinking that I was mean and shallow
by the time I ctb, I'll have been forgotten

though of course, it's painful to be alone- I did put myself in a hell of my own making lmao

 

[AnaGate]

I've been struggling with this for the last years. I have a bad habit of pushing any friends away when I feel like ctb, but everytime I didn't go through with it and ended op lonelier than before. I don't have that many people close in life, my family doesn't know about how I feel and doesn't understand either way. After I told some friends about my feelings on ctb I pushed them away, because now they know too much and it would only hurt them. But as time goes by, I don't have anyone left to talk to. Is this actually the way to go? Pushing everyone away so that when I finally ctb they wouldn't care? I've made myself such an unlikable person, but I don't know if it made me feel better in the end, because I also want to have friends till the day I ctb. I don't know when I will do it, but I'm sure it's what I want.

How do you deal with your family, friends or other close people? Do they know, do they care? I'm curious about your experience.

Setting a date helps. That way you have motivation to not push them away so much. You can just enjoy them.