Venting is this relatable??

[eternaldeath]

I've talked before about how I like being in pain. I realize that the reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I like how painful it is being alive. I would absolutely love to live my life happily, but I'm much more comfortable wallowing in my sadness all the time. I also know that drives people away from me, but I honestly appreciate how that keeps me isolated and lonely. Does anyone else think like this???

 

[gunmetalblue11]

That does sound like emotional masochism. But could also be because you are drowing in depression. I'm sorry you have to go through conflicting feelings like this.
Maybe you could try and outweigh which you prefer, isolation or company. Then ask yourself why, to try and maybe get some insight working from that.

 

[lost in the lilies]

Maybe you've simply grown accustomed to being in pain so now your brain kind of assumes that as its default state and since actually feeling good would imply a 'change' from the state it's grown accustomed to this is its way of 'protecting' you from it? idk

 

[eternaldeath]

That does sound like emotional masochism. But could also be because you are drowing in depression. I'm sorry you have to go through conflicting feelings like this.
Maybe you could try and outweigh which you prefer, isolation or company. Then ask yourself why, to try and maybe get some insight working from that.

well i would prefer company but i feel like i weigh everyone down and im constantly afraid and anxious about maintaining friendships and whatever so being lonely would be better for the people around me and for my sanity. im also just really emotionally unregulated and sensitive so im like a ticking time bomb before something happens

 

[Off_Switch]

Let's be real lol. You...I...everyone else here on this side of SS are only live because the deed is too difficult.