Help is there honestly any hope for me? should i just give up?

[iori]

I feel stupid asking for this but at this point I'm praying that I can hold onto a little hope that things will get better for me. I was bullied alot through sixth grade to secondary 1, during the middle of secondary 1 I stopped showing up and for the next 3 years I didn't consistently show up (if I did it would just be because I'd get taken away from my parents.). school is about to start and idk if i should sign up, even my mom is giving up on me. everything from my birth up to now as just shown me I never should've been alive. I don't have any friends, I have social anxiety and autism, I'm not that smart and I barely have an education above sixth grade. I had tutors come last year to homeschool me and I genuinely had hope I could turn my life around and go to college after high school and get a job and have an okay life. this year I can't get homeschooled, I'm forced in a program by the school and even if I went I wouldn't progress in my education, they're just putting me there to get me out of the way. I hate living so much, yet I'm too scared to die. I don't have any hobbies, I'm in a relationship but he's terrible to me, I think he's cheating on me but he won't let me break up. I genuinely have nothing. I don't love anyone, I don't love anything, the only thing that's worth something is my dog, sometimes I hope he dies so I don't have anything anymore. I daydream about a better life then cry about it cuz I know I'll never get to just be happy, I wanna go to school and have friends, I want to be able to do something but I can't. I'm a failure, maybe I'm reaching too hard and it's obvious that there's no hope left for me. I'm sorry if this is written weirdly I am not in a good state of mind to pay attention to that

 

[todienomore]

college might not be right for you, maybe try and think of something else youd like to do. College is kinda a scam anyway. You should break up with the asshole you can do better. Just take things one step at a time.

 

[tora]

I'm so sorry so many bad things have happened to you :( no one deserves to go through what you've gone through. school is miserable enough even without being bullied, so that must've made it so much harder for you.
it's completely up to you if you think you're ready to give up or not. I personally think it's a good idea to try getting help in any way you can before making your final decision. like talking to a therapist or counselor if you're able to, or reaching out to someone in your life. I'm not sure if you've tried medications yet but if not, they really do help some people. depression causes such a loss of interest in everything in life, which is probably why you have no hobbies or anything you love right now. if you have access to a psychiatrist I'd highly recommend seeing one to talk about starting anti-depressants.
if you still have hope left for life, I would say you should try to keep living, but it's your choice if you feel life is worth continuing or not. it sounds like you don't have a good support system with family and friends or anything which can make recovery really hard, but maybe there are local support groups or a group therapy that could help you find people to talk to. and the recovery forum on this website has lots of people who would love to listen to you and give you advice!
I'm really sorry you're going through so much. I hope life is kinder to you in the future<3

 

[ninevoltheart]

there is hope for you! even if you can't see it now, there's a future waiting for you to take hold of it. nothing is permanent, even pain; but the beauty of life is that its ever-changing and so are we.

i understand what you're feeling, though. if you don't think you can handle school right now, then focus on getting yourself the help you need to get through this. it's hard to make connections or find joy in things when you're feeling low, but a good friend or a hobby can give you something to look forward to. there are lots of people out there who will listen and be that support, me included. you're not alone in this world, you just haven't met the right people yet.

but, if you haven't already, a good therapist and/or some medications can really make a difference. i know seeking help is hard, but if you're at a point in your life where you feel it's no longer worth it, it might be time to give it a chance.

and probably ditch your boyfriend; he's only dragging you down. you deserve better than being used.

 

[withouthope]

I feel stupid asking for this but at this point I'm praying that I can hold onto a little hope that things will get better for me. I was bullied alot through sixth grade to secondary 1, during the middle of secondary 1 I stopped showing up and for the next 3 years I didn't consistently show up (if I did it would just be because I'd get taken away from my parents.). school is about to start and idk if i should sign up, even my outmom is giving up on me. everything from my birth up to now as just shown me I never should've been alive. I don't have any friends, I have social anxiety and autism, I'm not that smart and I barely have an education above sixth grade. I had tutors come last year to homeschool me and I genuinely had hope I could turn my life around and go to college after high school and get a job and have an okay life. this year I can't get homeschooled, I'm forced in a program by the school and even if I went I wouldn't progress in my education, they're just putting me there to get me out of the way. I hate living so much, yet I'm too scared to die. I don't have any hobbies, I'm in a relationship but he's terrible to me, I think he's cheating on me but he won't let me break up. I genuinely have nothing. I don't love anyone, I don't love anything, the only thing that's worth something is my dog, sometimes I hope he dies so I don't have anything anymore. I daydream about a better life then cry about it cuz I know I'll never get to just be happy, I wanna go to school and have friends, I want to be able to do something but I can't. I'm a failure, maybe I'm reaching too hard and it's obvious that there's no hope left for me. I'm sorry if this is written weirdly I am not in a good state of mind to pay attention to that

So much of life is about perspective. The way you look at things. Instead of focusing on everything you think is wrong about you and your life try focusing on the good in you. You are unique and special in your own beautiful way. We all are. Stop comparing yourself to others or how you think your life should be, and be open to something perhaps entirely different than you imagined. Once you make the effort to see the positive and sincerely want growth and change things will start to show up; and fall away, like the boyfriend. The path will unfold step by step. Just follow what you are drawn to and trust it. Have you considered painting? I feel like you might enjoy that as a hobby. Not sure what type but know that there are alternative classes available as well as traditional. I didn't enjoy it until I started taking an intuitive painting class where we painted using the right brain. The paintings were abstract but so full of meaning and symbolism. I loved it. I wish you the best.

 

[iori]

So much of life is about perspective. The way you look at things. Instead of focusing on everything you think is wrong about you and your life try focusing on the good in you. You are unique and special in your own beautiful way. We all are. Stop comparing yourself to others or how you think your life should be, and be open to something perhaps entirely different than you imagined. Once you make the effort to see the positive and sincerely want growth and change things will start to show up; and fall away, like the boyfriend. The path will unfold step by step. Just follow what you are drawn to and trust it. Have you considered painting? I feel like you might enjoy that as a hobby. Not sure what type but know that there are alternative classes available as well as traditional. I didn't enjoy it until I started taking an intuitive painting class where we painted using the right brain. The paintings were abstract but so full of meaning and symbolism. I loved it. I wish you the best.

I'm sorry it's been a bit but I do draw a bit, I might try painting because of your suggestions thank u

 

[Death_or_Coffee]

Agree with the people above. Sounds like there may be a chance for you. It is absolutely your choice in the end and there is no guarantee that things will get better, but at the same time they could. Sounds worth the shot to try for a bit at least.

Meeting people you relate to well, making even one meaningful relationship can make sooo much difference. I felt utterly alone until meeting a few people who became close friends and it changed my world. There are websites like Meetup.com where you can find interest groups for pretty much anything and that can be a good way to find people who like the same things you do.

Also agree that getting with a good counselor can be great. They're not all good, but if you find one who really cares about the people they work with, that can really help. Meds can help if you feel like you can trust the doctor prescribing them, but would be careful with this. Meds can be good or bad.

College definitely not necessarily needed to pursue things that make you feel fulfilled. There are jobs out there that don't require a degree that could either be fulfilling in themselves, or be tolerable enough and give you the means to pursue things you care about more. Getting back into drawing is a phenomenal idea. Doing art in itself can give life more meaning. Learning I loved writing stories and poetry also changed a lot for my mentality, so this would be such a good idea.

I'm so sorry your life has been like this so far. Bullying especially for something you can't help, is freakin evil. Absolutely disgusting and I hope that has stopped by now and you never have to go through it again. But yeah, ultimately you're the only one that can search for the people/activities that may give life more meaning and make it worth living. I'm rooting for you either way.

 

[bluesoapyskies]

wow this resonates deep. look, i know this may sound corny, but trust me when i say, dont give up on getting an education. i had this sort of coping mindset i used during highschool and although its definitely not the best, it kept me going and kept me alive. i hated my present self, i didnt want anything to do with her. but like you, i was hopeful. i wanted things to get better so i came up with a plan to keep myself going. everything i did, i did for my future self. i told myself "even though this hurts now or i dont feel like doing this im too tired etc", i did it anyways so that my future self could have possibilities. at the time i didnt care about college or whatever but i knew that it might not always be like that. i wanted to give myself some hope and kindness. this mindset was unhealthy in the sense that i was living in this very future oriented mindset, so much so that i didnt live in the present. so tweak it a little of course. but look, when it comes to school, please dont give up. once you get older, you realize just how short of a time span school really was. ive worked countless jobs in retail and food and i promise you, you dont want to be doing that for the rest of your life.

pm if you ever need help or advice. same with the relationship, i dealt with a similar shitty situation so im happy to assist where i can.

 

[Toward Zero]

Despite how terrible everything feels.

The truth is that none of the things that you have described have made impossible a future where you are not free of those burdens. It is not only possible but statistically likely for the things you have described to improve with time and continued existence. The world is not kind to neurodivergence - its even showing up as a misspelled word - but, things are definitely improving, and the more voices there are advocating for change, the more the world will be pushed towards that direction.

I wish you all the best. All storms pass in the end.

 

[dialogos]

Wow! You guys said it better than I ever could!
Teenagers go thru hormonal, neurological changes while growing up.
It's why memories, feelings, experiences at this stage are so intense and can be overwhelming.
Being young is like having all the time high, lows and alternating with wild extremes can be mistaken for manic depression.
I'm 57 so I've mellowed out but looking back, my teen years totally threw out out of proportion my perceptions that time. Its nothing to be ashamed about, maybe just a little fearful if someoneM anipulated me to do something I'll regret as an adult. There's a reason why pedophiles pounce on and groom young people.