Baron
Is there a meaning to anything?
- Jun 29, 2023
- 114
I'm feeling especially down rn. I was just thinking of jumping from a second story window just to fuck myself up. Maybe breaking some bones or best case even dying. Again the only thing I could do was bash my head against my sink several times until the pain got euphoric. This time I asked myself If I should tell my mother about all this mental stuff. Would it even help telling anyone about it? I take the risk of getting mixed up with the authorities and even if my mother keeps it all to herself, it wouldnt do anyone any good, would it? Id just dump all my feelings onto someone else, causing them so much stress and meanwhile nothing changes for me. My feelings will persist forever, so why even bother? Everything seems so meaningless. The image of me on the ground under my window with broken bones and pain all over my body seems kind of beautiful to me. I wonder how an even deeper despair feels. I want to experience it, am I weird?