Is suicidality a demon?

[no_tomorrow]

It feels like suicidality is a demon of some sort that targets you and sometimes choses to leave you alone. It feels like it comes in waves that crash and recede. My last big ones were in 2019, 2021, and 2023. I feel it coming on again :(

 

[ijustwishtodie]

For me, it's liberation from the hellish pains caused by existence and me being alive. It sucks that I don't have the courage to kill myself though...

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I agree with you.
Ever since the demon came into my mind (I realized suicide is an option), it hasn't gone away. I don't think it'll ever go away— I'm not willing to find out anyways.

 

[rozeske]

If it is, then it's one heck of a persistent one.

 

[Abyssal]

Suicidality is the solution. It will save me

 

[UKscotty]

I don't think it's a demon in some devine sense but it's definitely a wave of depression that comes and goes.

Personally I can't understand people who say being suicidal is normal or being awake. Being suicidal is a terrible illness and I don't feel even slightly normal.

 

[dinosavr]

To me, suicidality is amazing, it's freeing and relieving. But what's the demon in my opinion is switching back and forth between suicidality and recovery. Then it's just pure hate for life. You're never able to enjoy anything, but somehow you're never really ready or determined enough to actually commit suicide.

 

[Unknown21]

Yes, it is a demon. Once you are convinced that suicide is an option, you will never give up this conviction, and suicide will continue to pop into your mind whenever you face any difficulties in your life, even if they are simple.

 

[BlazingBob]

What's demonic are the physical health conditions that make my life unbearable and not worth living.

 

[Circles]

If not a demon it can be like a black hole or quick sand where the further you go the harder it is to get back up.
I used to feel cursed because of being suicidal and to some degree I still do. I'll never forget at my worst I had frequent vivid nightmares about a witch that would use my suffering as a way to gather more energy/power or whatever trying to collect my soul. If none of this is actually real then it's just your mind manifesting a personification of your suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, in my case the problem lies in the hellish and harmful imposition that is existence that was so cruelly forced on us by those selfish enough to procreate even know existing truly is just pointless, meaningless suffering.

For me wanting to die is all that makes sense, I only find comfort in the thought of permanently ceasing to exist, in my case suicide is the rational solution as I'd always prefer to not exist in than suffer for decades in this reality where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer just to be tormented dying in agony from old age. Having the ability to exist is beyond undesirable in every single way, for me death truly is the only relief, I wish I never existed at all.

 

[turbomightbegone]

if suicidality is a demon i'd like to shake hands with it honestly. and then i'd complain about hard it was to actually follow through with their plans (SI, general fear etc)

 

[Coconut blue]

life is the demon

 

[theboy]

yes

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do think of it like that amazing line from 'The Matrix': it's like 'a splinter in your mind.' I do feel like- once you've wrestled with any qualms about it and come to the conclusion that it can be a legitimate choice, then, it's always going to be there as a choice.

As to whether it's demonic. I guess that depends on how you view life. If life is sacred and full of promise then, I suppose suicidal thoughts will feel troubling. If on the other hand, life seems more like an unwanted prison sentence, suicide can bring you hope of an early release.