it does matter to me. i care about my mother and wouldn't want to make things worse. i know my death will be a lot on her to begin with and i'm not putting her in that position. so yes, i'm taking it seriously.
Didn't mean it to be taken that way. But all things considering I feel like she'd take losing you a bit harder than another bill. Bills happen. What I was trying to say; albeit very rudely and sarcastically (sorry.) is that suicide isn't easy. Not on the person brave enough to do it and not on the people who have to deal. Because honestly there's a strong mystery to it. Not for us. But for those who cant comprehend it.
But for us, there exist acceptance. Acceptance of what we're doing. A confound realization that we will inevitably be hurting people to find peace, a end to our suffering, dare I say the beginning happiness. I'm not saying dont care about your loved ones.
I'm saying dont be rash. Make plans. Wait till your lease expires, void it, or simply take on a debt and make a will and leave everything to your worst enemy.
"I'm rambling now. But on another not I've always liked the idea of just disappearing. Ghost everyone and just disappearing. That way if you actually do ctb. Everything's just left to that mystery factor. Not knowing if you're dead or if you're doing well for yourself; is a lot more comfortable than discovering a decaying human body. *that took it's on life*
But back to the serious part, dont do it; if you're still attached to this world. Tethered. That can in itself be a reason to live. Give up hope when all hope is lost. For me personally I'm emotionally numb and nothing really matters anymore. But it did, I used to be scared about the consequences of ctbing. Then I realized I won't be here to find out.
