• Hey Guest,

    If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations

  • Hey Guest,

    We made a Twitter thread regarding the Kenneth Law situation on Twitter at this link here if you would like to take a look. It shows that the journalists covering this case aren't objective and clarifies our position on the matter. If you would like to view the thread: Click Here
migimortis

migimortis

Student
Jan 15, 2024
111
This is something that's been on my mind for a very long time: Is it morally or ethically wrong to get into a relationship when you are thinking of killing yourself sometime in the future? I've thrown away opportunities because I thought to myself "how can I date you when I will kill myself soon". Of course I never did, but this has led to a life of singledom as a result. Leaving family behind is bad enough, I don't want to hurt anyone else additionally. But then I think, what if I don't kill myself? I will have wasted whatever opportunities for love I could of had. My mental state has only declined over the years, I feel deep guilt over the idea of dating.

What do you think, is it morally wrong to date when you want to kill yourself?
 
hikikomorizombie

hikikomorizombie

Ouch
Jan 15, 2024
644
no, not if it's something you're open about w the person you're intimate with.

& to get cliche, anyone can die at any time. so living by the thought 'i shouldn't get into a relationship bc i might die eventually', isn't really pertinent.
 
Last edited:
passivethought121

passivethought121

Student
Jun 11, 2023
270
Depends. If someone has solid plans to CTB within 30 days and the partner doesn't know, I'd find it odd. But if someone is passively suicidal, I don't think they should hold themselves back unless they know it wouldn't work out.

Personally this is a big reason why I don't date. Unless my partner is gonna be pro choice, I don't see a point when I'm convinced every day will be my last.
 
lament.

lament.

the Immortal
Jun 28, 2023
129
Personally I believe so, but that's because I know I want to kill myself within at most a year or two. So, I have turned down others because of this reason, I don't feel like it's fair for me to become someone special to them and then CTB. I think it's better to slowly distance yourself from people who you are starting to fall for / are falling for you if you are determined to CTB. However, if you believe your life could improve enough to not want to CTB while with them though then I don't think there is anything wrong with it.
 
Little_Suzy

Little_Suzy

Last Meal: Mexican Valium & French Champagne
May 1, 2023
560
If you're suicidal, avoid romantic relationships with people because you may become manipulative and abusive.

Ladies, particularly young ladies, avoid men with death wishes.

Guys, stop putting women through trauma and dangerous situations just because you want to die!
 
deadwinter

deadwinter

i want 2 meet angels
Apr 7, 2023
54
I think it's ok to get into a relationship if you are passively suicidal or think you might kill yourself someday but aren't actively trying to. If you're actively planning to carry it out, it may not be the best idea—but I guess it's okay as long as the other person is fine with it??

I also worry for you, though. Relationships are often painful and emotionally taxing, even when they're not abusive. I hope you'll put yourself first, whatever you choose to do.
 
S

Scythe

Lost in a delusion
Sep 5, 2022
441
As long as the other party is aware of it, I personally don't want to do it even if the other party is aware because it'll hurt either way. I think as long as you're still actively trying to recover you don't have to discuss it.
 
whotookmylexapro

whotookmylexapro

Member
Jan 19, 2024
20
Depends. If someone has solid plans to CTB within 30 days and the partner doesn't know, I'd find it odd. But if someone is passively suicidal, I don't think they should hold themselves back unless they know it wouldn't work out.

Personally this is a big reason why I don't date. Unless my partner is gonna be pro choice, I don't see a point when I'm convinced every day will be my last.
I agree with this cuz if youre just passively suicidal like me, maybe you can find someone to support you. But like how others have warned, be careful when dating especially in an emotional state like that because it opens up the possibility for you to be either manipulated or become the mainpulator. Also putting so much effort and trust into one person, and then the relationship ends could worsen your suicidal symptoms. I would agrue its best to stay away from relationships until you can work your issues out.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
7,463
I personally won't. It's not like anyone female or male is blowing up my phone to date me. 😉
I see women who are attractive but I don't even try. I don't see any point.
Why make someone else miserable ? I wouldn't want someone to feel like they are responsible for my happiness.

Just a few thoughts. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
 
passivethought121

passivethought121

Student
Jun 11, 2023
270
I personally won't. It's not like anyone female or male is blowing up my phone to date me. 😉
I see women who are attractive but I don't even try. I don't see any point.
Why make someone else miserable ? I wouldn't want someone to feel like they are responsible for my happiness.

Just a few thoughts. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Felt. If anyone ever wanted to date me, they'd lose attraction very fast because my true self is such a downer.
 
UnwaveringFire

UnwaveringFire

You can call me Meissa (she/her)
Feb 1, 2024
16
I first would like to warn you that I'm definitely better at supporting others, than following my own advice.

I think it's ok to get into a relationship if you are passively suicidal or think you might kill yourself someday but aren't actively trying to. If you're actively planning to carry it out, it may not be the best idea—but I guess it's okay as long as the other person is fine with it??

I also worry for you, though. Relationships are often painful and emotionally taxing, even when they're not abusive. I hope you'll put yourself first, whatever you choose to do.
Is it morally wrong to date when you want to kill yourself?
Personally, I completely agree with @deadwinter. If someone is 100% going to ctb - in the sense of having a definite plan with already all materials ready and even set a day to do it - perhaps getting engaged is not the best of ideas. But I guess it wouldn't be among their most pressing concerns either, since (if everything goes right) their life will be over within a predefined time.
It is also true that every change and relationship that involves us emotionally might be difficult to deal with, although not impossible. If we get intimate with a significant other, I believe that both people should be aware of any struggle the other is going through, because they became comfortable enough to share it with one another. Knowing this, they should be there for their loved one - in the ways and times that will be hopefully established and granted.

From what I could read from your specific situation, tho, I would advise you not to overthink this too much.
Letting people getting close to us - and not necessarily because we're actively looking for someone to date, but just to get in touch with people in general, or even only interacting with them (while grocery shopping, for example, or smiling to a stranger in the street, greeting a neighbor with a nod of the head), could be a good way to go. We can't control every aspect of our life; and our "love life" is one of them. Of course I believe we have the power to both influence, enhance and destroy any part of our life - but not entirely and in an arbitrary way, or else everyone would do it.
Should you find someone you're interested in, it would still all depend on who the other person is (their inner life, feelings, beliefs, situation, current type of relationship with you...) - and I believe people are so variant and unpredictable, that something like this would be impossible to plan out in advance.

That said, remember that this is only the advice of a stranger on the Internet.
Please consider that I cannot know you completely, nor your situation or the best way to help you. I promise you I will do my best (and my DMs will be always open, once the forum will give me access), but I will never feel the same things as you - as I can't read your mind or be in your head.
That's why I need you to trust yourself to have the final say, always.

I hope, too, that one day you will find the peace you have been searching for so long - one way or another.
 
Katdogg

Katdogg

Member
Jan 31, 2024
71
Only if you are planning to do it soon, then it wouldn't be fair to the other person. I don't agree about full disclosure about your suicidal nature...because it would drive away your partner. It is a rare person that could actually deal with something like that.

A relationship might even help you to recover and provide some happiness .

Good luck to you stranger
 
rosenrot

rosenrot

Member
Jun 13, 2023
29
It's very tricky as i go back and forth on things a lot...sometimes i feel hope sometimes i don't. I wish I could say something but I know that's when more complications would arise, instead I tend to keep any suicidal thoughts to myself and I don't like my partner knowing that 'side' of me. It does hurt that he doesn't know i feel this way tho :(
 
  • Like
Reactions: migimortis
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,090
Probably not but I'd still like to try it at least once, you know? I know some don't see it as worth it but I just gotta feel what it's like to be in a relationship even if I know how wrong it is for me to have one at all.
 
  • Like
Reactions: migimortis
migimortis

migimortis

Student
Jan 15, 2024
111
Only if you are planning to do it soon, then it wouldn't be fair to the other person. I don't agree about full disclosure about your suicidal nature...because it would drive away your partner. It is a rare person that could actually deal with something like that.

A relationship might even help you to recover and provide some happiness .

Good luck to you stranger
That's the main problem. It's unethical if you don't disclose that you are suicidal. But disclosing that you are suicidal would drive them away anyways! It's a lose-lose situation.
 
sammiechzxv

sammiechzxv

just a girl who's kinda sad
Aug 7, 2023
202
It's wrong to get in a relationship without letting them KNOW you're suicidal.

Nothing hurts more than losing a loved one to suicide. Especially without warning.

But, as long as they know, I think it's fine.
 
  • Like
Reactions: migimortis
BojackHorseman

BojackHorseman

The View From Halfway Down
Feb 8, 2023
33
I think you bring up a very good question.

Not sure I have an "answer" but I can tell you how I'm feeling right now.

For years my dog was the only thing keeping me alive. She grew up on the farm with me where we were both abused. I never could follow through because I couldn't stand the thought of leaving her behind with my monster of a father.

During those times, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had hope. "Oh if I could just get away from here, everything would be fine and I would feel ok". Well I met my husband. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a wonderful man who is kind and loves me more than anything, but after being away from the farm a couple years I realized I am indeed not ok. Everything didn't just get better when I got away. Sure my life is wonderful now in comparison, and I know this probably makes me sound ungrateful but I swear I'm not, but I still can't shake these feelings and thoughts. I still wish to die. Sure it's not as often or as strong now, but I still feel them. I no longer feel hope or see the light at the end of the tunnel, just more darkness that feels never ending, cause if i cant feel happy now that i have a good life then there is just no hope left. I feel so guilty about these feelings cause if I try to bring it up to him, he feels like a failure. I explain that my feelings are nothing to do with him, it's just a me thing, but it upsets him so much. So I don't really bring it up much, I don't want to make him feel bad or worry.

Well my point I was getting to, my dog died earlier this month. 15 years with my best girl, literally half my life, now gone. To say I am devastated and lost would be an understatement. Now I can't help but think that with her passing, I would be able to finally leave this awful world, if it weren't for my husband. Now I have something else keeping me here and I regret it. That sounds like a terrible thing to say I know, but I hope you guys here understand what I mean. I love my husband SO much, and god only knows why he loves me, and I'm not necessarily saying I regret marrying him.... but now I'm still obligated to stay here and suffer. And I feel guilty and hate myself for feeling this way. I know some people would be all "It's a good thing for you! You now have reason and will to live!" but that's not accurate. I now have obligation to live, against my will.

So as some people were saying already, if you are hellbent and dead set have a date planned a week from now to end it and you start dating someone, that's a little bit... unkind. I'm not going to say someone who does that is a bad person, they are obviously a person in pain and it wouldn't have been something done out of malice, but I do believe you should try not to spread your pain to others.

Now if your not actively planning on ending it, but you have those awful feelings, I don't think it's wrong to date as long as your honest. Not saying you need to make that first date material to discuss, but once things progress far enough that it's something your comfortable discussing. But keep in mind that you will be creating ties like I did that keep you obligated to suffer through all the pain and stay here.

Others mentioned something else too that's probably the most important point. People who feel as awful and terrible inside as we do are oftentimes taken advantage of and abused. We are often in a very fragile state of mind that a cruel person could easily make worse. If you decide to date, you need to be careful and try to take care of yourself. I know that's a foreign concept for lots of us and counter to how we feel inside, but try to be aware if the person your with makes those feelings inside worse. If they do, it's probably not a good relationship.

I hope I helped and didn't make you feel worse. I wish you the best.
It's very tricky as i go back and forth on things a lot...sometimes i feel hope sometimes i don't. I wish I could say something but I know that's when more complications would arise, instead I tend to keep any suicidal thoughts to myself and I don't like my partner knowing that 'side' of me. It does hurt that he doesn't know i feel this way tho :(
I feel your pain. My husband knows I hurt inside, but he doesn't comprehend the extent. He doesn't get just how bad I hurt and it hurts that I can't tell him. If I try, he takes it personal. He takes it as he isn't doing enough to make me happy, no matter how much I try to explain to him that my feelings are mine and my responsibility and not related to anything he has/hasn't done. I don't want to make him feel bad, so I keep my feelings to myself. I desperately wish I could talk to him though, cause he's my best friend and we share everything together... except this.
 
Last edited:
migimortis

migimortis

Student
Jan 15, 2024
111
I think you bring up a very good question.

Not sure I have an "answer" but I can tell you how I'm feeling right now.

For years my dog was the only thing keeping me alive. She grew up on the farm with me where we were both abused. I never could follow through because I couldn't stand the thought of leaving her behind with my monster of a father.

During those times, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had hope. "Oh if I could just get away from here, everything would be fine and I would feel ok". Well I met my husband. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a wonderful man who is kind and loves me more than anything, but after being away from the farm a couple years I realized I am indeed not ok. Everything didn't just get better when I got away. Sure my life is wonderful now in comparison, and I know this probably makes me sound ungrateful but I swear I'm not, but I still can't shake these feelings and thoughts. I still wish to die. Sure it's not as often or as strong now, but I still feel them. I no longer feel hope or see the light at the end of the tunnel, just more darkness that feels never ending, cause if i cant feel happy now that i have a good life then there is just no hope left. I feel so guilty about these feelings cause if I try to bring it up to him, he feels like a failure. I explain that my feelings are nothing to do with him, it's just a me thing, but it upsets him so much. So I don't really bring it up much, I don't want to make him feel bad or worry.

Well my point I was getting to, my dog died earlier this month. 15 years with my best girl, literally half my life, now gone. To say I am devastated and lost would be an understatement. Now I can't help but think that with her passing, I would be able to finally leave this awful world, if it weren't for my husband. Now I have something else keeping me here and I regret it. That sounds like a terrible thing to say I know, but I hope you guys here understand what I mean. I love my husband SO much, and god only knows why he loves me, and I'm not necessarily saying I regret marrying him.... but now I'm still obligated to stay here and suffer. And I feel guilty and hate myself for feeling this way. I know some people would be all "It's a good thing for you! You now have reason and will to live!" but that's not accurate. I now have obligation to live, against my will.

So as some people were saying already, if you are hellbent and dead set have a date planned a week from now to end it and you start dating someone, that's a little bit... unkind. I'm not going to say someone who does that is a bad person, they are obviously a person in pain and it wouldn't have been something done out of malice, but I do believe you should try not to spread your pain to others.

Now if your not actively planning on ending it, but you have those awful feelings, I don't think it's wrong to date as long as your honest. Not saying you need to make that first date material to discuss, but once things progress far enough that it's something your comfortable discussing. But keep in mind that you will be creating ties like I did that keep you obligated to suffer through all the pain and stay here.

Others mentioned something else too that's probably the most important point. People who feel as awful and terrible inside as we do are oftentimes taken advantage of and abused. We are often in a very fragile state of mind that a cruel person could easily make worse. If you decide to date, you need to be careful and try to take care of yourself. I know that's a foreign concept for lots of us and counter to how we feel inside, but try to be aware if the person your with makes those feelings inside worse. If they do, it's probably not a good relationship.

I hope I helped and didn't make you feel worse. I wish you the best.

I feel your pain. My husband knows I hurt inside, but he doesn't comprehend the extent. He doesn't get just how bad I hurt and it hurts that I can't tell him. If I try, he takes it personal. He takes it as he isn't doing enough to make me happy, no matter how much I try to explain to him that my feelings are mine and my responsibility and not related to anything he has/hasn't done. I don't want to make him feel bad, so I keep my feelings to myself. I desperately wish I could talk to him though, cause he's my best friend and we share everything together... except this.
This helps thanks. Still, I end up with the question; if someone is passively suicidal, how do they know in advance whether the obligation to live will be worth it? As you say, getting into a relationship means being obligated to live for the sake of your partner, in your case you now feel obligated to live (and suffer) because of your partner. This may seem like a tough question, but because of the obligation to live, is there a part of you that regrets getting married? As in, does a part of you regret putting yourself in a position where now you are forced to live and suffer? I ask because a part of me wonders whether suicidal people are wasting their time dating, when decades into the future they will still feel suicidal and be forced to live for their partner.
 
Moonymoon

Moonymoon

Bring me my sanity back, and I will give you 🌠
Sep 12, 2023
881
I agree alot on what is said on the threads above, and looking at it towards others. I wouldn't see a problem in this if their respective is aware and is cool with this.
However I could never ever see myself getting into a relationship after becoming suicidal. The thought haven't even entered my mind. So yep, but people are different. 🤷😊
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: migimortis
S

shortenjoin

New Member
Feb 1, 2024
1
Difficult one. But forming a bond might give you another outlook on life. So why 'prohibit' it?
 
  • Like
Reactions: migimortis
K

Kit1

Warlock
Oct 24, 2023
779
I am married with two children. If I had known that I will be seriously considering suicide and given hownsuicidal I do become, I have always regretted falling in love and marrying - more than 24 years ago. If I ended my life (which right now looks extremely likely despite my efforts not to do so), it will be so unfair on my loved one. I have a duty of care towards my loved ones - and even now I feel guilty about agreeing to marry (the person who is now my husband) more than 25 years ago as at the time, I had already been diagnosed with PTSD and had already made a couple of attempts to end my life a few years prior to the marriage proposal. Though he has had a happy marriage and we have two wonderful children, my death will result is suffering for all three of them.
 
migimortis

migimortis

Student
Jan 15, 2024
111
I am married with two children. If I had known that I will be seriously considering suicide and given hownsuicidal I do become, I have always regretted falling in love and marrying - more than 24 years ago. If I ended my life (which right now looks extremely likely despite my efforts not to do so), it will be so unfair on my loved one. I have a duty of care towards my loved ones - and even now I feel guilty about agreeing to marry (the person who is now my husband) more than 25 years ago as at the time, I had already been diagnosed with PTSD and had already made a couple of attempts to end my life a few years prior to the marriage proposal. Though he has had a happy marriage and we have two wonderful children, my death will result is suffering for all three of them.
This is pure blackpill. This is what I fear the most, feeling bound and in deep regret years down the line. There doesn't seem to be anyway to prevent this, I guess if you get into a relationship you have to focus on recovery otherwise you end up stuck and regretting your relationship.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Kit1
migimortis

migimortis

Student
Jan 15, 2024
111
Probably not but I'd still like to try it at least once, you know? I know some don't see it as worth it but I just gotta feel what it's like to be in a relationship even if I know how wrong it is for me to have one at all.
Do you think you will still ctb if you find someone who genuinely loves you?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dr Iron Arc
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,090
Do you think you will still ctb if you find someone who genuinely loves you?
I can resolutely say that if that impossible situation were to occur then no, I absolutely would not. Unless I guess something tragic later happens down the line to require it like if this same person dies on me or leaves me but I am aware that is too big of a burden to saddle someone else with which contributes further into making this an impossibility.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: migimortis
ignoranceisblisss

ignoranceisblisss

Member
Feb 6, 2024
16
Are you me cause i've been having the exact same thoughts lol. I don't really have a definitive answer to it but I'm leaning towards yes only if you don't disclose it to the other person when your relationship has developed to a point where they're thinking long-term. Be open to the relationship opportunities that do come your way, you owe yourself at least that before you CTB!
 
BojackHorseman

BojackHorseman

The View From Halfway Down
Feb 8, 2023
33
This helps thanks. Still, I end up with the question; if someone is passively suicidal, how do they know in advance whether the obligation to live will be worth it? As you say, getting into a relationship means being obligated to live for the sake of your partner, in your case you now feel obligated to live (and suffer) because of your partner. This may seem like a tough question, but because of the obligation to live, is there a part of you that regrets getting married? As in, does a part of you regret putting yourself in a position where now you are forced to live and suffer? I ask because a part of me wonders whether suicidal people are wasting their time dating, when decades into the future they will still feel suicidal and be forced to live for their partner.
I totally understand your question and your desire to have a definitive answer, unfortunately, I can't give you one.

I'm currently in a somewhat decent state of mind, better than during my original post.

So does part of me regret it, yes. With my precious pup having passed away, I know I could have peacefully ended it now. Part of me very much regrets getting married. Not because I don't love my husband, but because I DO.
I wasn't the best mother to his children. When they were young, I worked a very hard job, stacking lumber for 9 hours a day. The exhaustion coupled with my mental issues left me with little emotional and mental capacity to be as kind as patient as a good mother should have. I carry a LOT of guilt for that.
Then I feel alot of guilt that my husband, such a kind and giving man, loves someone like me. I feel like I have eased my own pain by just pawning it off on someone else. I feel like absolute shit for that. He deserves better than someone like me, and I feel that I have been nothing but a negative/depressing influence in his life.

But on the other side of the coin, I love my husband. This has been the happiest time of my life with him. We actually just celebrated 11 years on the 6th. I am in awe every day that I look at him, that such a kind and intelligent and handsome man could love someone like me. We still feel like newlyweds, our love for one another has only grown stronger over the years. We both say we don't really remember much of life before us, there is only us. It simultaneously feel so new and fresh, yet also like it's just always been. We are always together. We used to work together so we were literally together 24/7 and we loved it. But I went to college for a better paying, non physical job. If we aren't working though, we're together.

So now to maybe give you more of an answer, would I do it again if I could start over.............. no. I had to really sit and think about it, but it hurts me to say that I wouldn't. As happy as we are together now, I wouldn't do it. As I mentioned, I wasn't the best mother and I carry so much guilt for that every single day.
We have built such a good life for ourselves, with our own home and decent vehicles, and I'm so proud of us. We have both worked so hard for everything we have accomplished, but I think he would have been better off with someone more "normal". Someone who wasn't so fucked in the head and could have raised his kids with more patience, someone who could go to work without having a mental breakdown and quitting. Just someone better than me that doesn't hold him back or be such a fucking downer. The fact that we do have such a good life and that I'm still so miserable inside just proves that I am fucked beyond help. If I can't be happy now, then there's no hope for me.

Now to give you a different answer, would I do it again if the situation were different? Yes. Hell yes. If we could have won the lottery and not had the stress of work and money, then I would have been a happier person and therefore more kind and patient mother. When we're both together, playing video games or going biking or simply just existing in one another's presence, the world seems fine. But when we're separated and money worries and stuff happens... then I start to loose my shit and get overwhelmed with existence. If our lives could be nothing but joy and happiness spending time together with none of the stupid worries that adulting brings, then I would do it again.
Honestly, things would have probably been better if I could have just had this better job to begin with. I traded physical stress for mental stress and I hate the job still, but it pays decent. Not worrying as much about money is a big help in my mental health. I worry about so many things already, the more things I can remove from that list the better I am.

Sorry I still wasn't able to give you a better or definitive answer. One thing I can tell you, don't settle. Don't just settle for someone who's simply nice to you, and especially for someone not nice to you. Make sure it's someone you love more than anything, and who reciprocates your love the same. Being obligated to stay around is hard and painful, but making sure it's for someone worthwhile makes it a bit easier.
 

Similar threads

soontobec0rpse
Replies
2
Views
182
Suicide Discussion
sicksadmad
sicksadmad
heisenberg
Replies
12
Views
309
Suicide Discussion
Forever Sleep
F
N
Replies
6
Views
192
Offtopic
noname223
N