Discussion Is anyone else excited to ctb?

[Jane Doe]

I think I have managed to overcome my survival instinct and I am looking forward to jumping into a river. Yes, there will be some pain but nothing compared to the pain of living.

 

[worldexploder]

Depends on the method I can get my hand on. If by N, by tank, or by shotgun then yes I'd be pretty damn excited. If by jumping or by rope then I'd be nervous as hell.

 

[Deafsn0w]

i wish but i don't have any money to buy nembutal or nitrogen.

 

[Jane Doe]

I don't even feel nervous about jumping anymore @worldexploder I know it is a means to an end.

I've been following your story about going to Dignatis. I also looked into this. Really hope it works out for you

 

[worldexploder]

I don't even feel nervous about jumping anymore @worldexploder I know it is a means to an end.

I've been following your story about going to Dignatis. I also looked into this. Really hope it works out for you

Thank you! The well wishes mean a lot. I just hope I get an e-mail back from them so I can get this started.

 

[Jane Doe]

i wish but i don't have any money to buy nembutal or nitrogen.

Would you consider another method @Deafsn0w ? It is so cruel how we are all stuck here

 

[Jane Doe]

Thank you! The well wishes mean a lot. I just hope I get an e-mail back from them so I can get this started.

Got everything crossed for you :)

 

[Deafsn0w]

Would you consider another method @Deafsn0w ? It is so cruel how we are all stuck here

uh i have a rope but i'm scared to do it

 

[Jane Doe]

uh i have a rope but i'm scared to do it

I don't know much about hanging, I would imagine it would be quite difficult although I know 2 people that went that way

 

[Schopenhauer]

If I do get my N, I'll be quite excited too. A sure ending will be finally in sight.

 

[Trashcan]

I'm not excited about the actual act. But I'm excited for the aftermath. I'm going by full suspension hanging. Initially, I won't be able to breathe and it might be painful. But I will only be conscious for 15 seconds max. Unconsciousness should occur in about 3-10 seconds. So it's not too bad, but those few seconds might feel a lot longer.

 

[Cee]

the actual act of doing it no, ill be playing my favorite music to try to stay calm and actually go through with it. I do however look forward to the general idea of not being present anymore. The thought of simply not existing is very very exciting

 

[Jen Erik]

I'm excited to feel relief. I do trial runs - plastic bags over the head, ropes around the neck (still undecided on partial suspension or inert gas/exit bag) - and there is such a longing to be done with it all. I don't feel any sense of survival instinct - it just feels like relief to me.

Edited to add more words.

 

[Roph]

I can't wait. I just have to dot some i's and cross some t's and I'll be ready.

 

[Circles]

I think I have managed to overcome my survival instinct and I am looking forward to jumping into a river. Yes, there will be some pain but nothing compared to the pain of living.

Yes. It's literally the only thing that gets me through one more day knowing that this won't last forever (hopefully).

 

[Throwaway563078]

I think I have managed to overcome my survival instinct and I am looking forward to jumping into a river. Yes, there will be some pain but nothing compared to the pain of living.

It's such a beautiful realization. Last night I decided a method and I know I'm taking baby steps towards ctb but I felt so good. I still have to order it soon and lots of preparation but one day I'll be free. But then I get really angry at myself because I feel some fear and resistance.

 

[ForestLove]

No. Because it will have a huge impact on my family and loved ones. Plus you are not 100% sure it will work out successfully.

 

[Roph]

Excited isn't a strong enough word. I'll finally have my peace. Words can't describe how good that peace will feel.

 

[Tara2018]

Yes when I finally realized it that I want to ctb.
Since then I feel excited, even If i thought I can't feel anything anymore.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Yes, definitely. I'm very much looking forward to end my suffer. I also feel a bit anxious too but I guess that's normal.

 

[Julia Ofelia]

I'm very excited for myself as I'll escape the pointless struggle of living, but worried for people who love me. It's not possible, obviously, but I wish I could make everyone forget I've ever existed. Then I could ctb with a clear conscience, knowing I wouldn't leave any pain behind me.

 

[okyeah]

I am extremely excited to try to get my hands on some N. I feel when i have the N in my possession I can finally have the power of complete control over my life. I will be giving life 1 more try when I get ahold of N. The idea that I can end it anytime I want will free me.

 

[Voldmort]

no. i dont want die now, but i cant live anymore so i stay nervous as ctb time approaches.

 

[littlelungs]

Between my own bullshit and the rest of the world's bullshit, I'm stoked about not having to deal with any of it anymore. I'm ready to go.

But excited for the act itself?

Ehhh... if I used a firearm, it would be different because I'd just go, bam. Done. Nothing to think about. But, because I'm in Canada and have been hospitalized multiple times for psychiatric reasons, that method is completely out of the cards... so hanging it is. I'm not really looking forward to the part between getting the rope ready and finally kicking away, or stepping off, the chair. Based on past attempts, the one thing that REALLY grinds my gears is that whether I like it or not, a sped-up, replayed version of my life races through my mind as I'm preparing my method, and it's just the weirdest feeling I've ever experienced. It almost feels like I'm running towards a brick wall at full speed and can't stop... but it's purely a mental feeling? I don't know how else to describe it. It's bizarre. I'm not looking forward to that part at all.

TL;DR: I'm excited to get the hell outta here. I'm not excited for my last few moments of consciousness, because knowing me, my mind will be a total dickweed to me right up until the very end.

 

[Mr2005]

Excited? No. Acceptance is about as much as I can hope for