Introduce yourself

[Púca]

Hey guys, been lurking for a little while and only registered yesterday, from what I've seen on here you guys seem like a very special community, very caring and understanding and respectful of each other. Glad to be among like minded folk and I look forward to interacting with you all.
Much love
Púca

 

[Starcitty]

Hi!

I've been struggling with depression for close to a decade and have recently discovered that I'm suicidal also. I've come here to connect to others who are struggling just like me and hope that I'm not alone in my own struggles. I hope this place can allow me to vent fully and be understood also.

 

[MrOptions]

Mid forties male here. Been struggling with this thing called life for over 4 decades. I've been through hell and back and I'm still here for now. I will leave you with this quote from "Philosopher Newport" "Life is just shit and ice cream". We are all here for just the experience. Your mileage may vary.

 

[TheSoulless]

Hello, glad to finally join the place.

I'm 18 years old. I play several instruments, but piano will always be my favorite. Besides playing music, I also enjoy watching anime. Trying to enjoy, more precisely. I like art.

I'm an antinatalist and efilist. Google those philosophies, you might find that you already had the same mindset but didn't know it.

Send a message if you feel like it. Talking eases the mind – for both of us. :)

 

[Maus7]

Allow me to introduce myself. Generation X, educated and artistic but never quite an artist. Winding down with terminal illness and spending most of my time online

 

[Lostbetweenworlds]

Hey everyone,

I'm currently 25, currently working in what I see as a dead end job to survive in this place for now, people would consider me to be extroverted due to my friendly and sociable nature, although I personally feel like I could live out my life at home without any difficulty and would enjoy it a lot more then going out of my safe zone constantly coming back wrecked to it, I've been suffering from depression since mid-teens, have been through a couple of traumatic experiences throughout my childhood, like my mother's suicide attempts and sexual abuse from a neighbor when I was around 6, the miscarriage my mother had and the blood loss she experienced due it that painted the whole house in red there are countless many more of these experiences so I just continue, In regards to mental illnesses I often develop a psychosis after stressful events in order to cope with it better which has led me to a path where I constantly told myself that I am a sociopath and am there to fill my own needs, I lived by this to a certian extent, while I was never a sociopath, I was always able to successfully hide my psychological instabilities from my enviorment, but I realized that carrying on like that was just a charade in itself, so I dropped it and ever since have been wandering around as a empty husk with no reason, what I hope to achieve here is to find a answer to the question that has been haunting me, and I think that this is the place the question can be answered.. not by the community nor by the moderators.. but the lessons i can pull from the experience from others.. while the thought of ctb puts a smile on my face I still have to seek further and hope to find my answers within this sanctuary. Thank you for letting me be a part of this.

 

[Wren]

Hey,

I've been lurking for last couple days. Honestly, I don't recall how I even got here - one moment I'm surfing the web, the next I'm here reading about yew poison.
I'm not a social person and tend to avoid social situations, but I think I might've found my people here. That said I'd like to at least try being more open and talkative. Hopefully I'll contribute something of merit to a debate or be of any help.

I never asked ot be born and for as long as I remember myself, I wanted to negate that decision my parents made for me. While not actively suicidal, I am fascinated by the idea of suicide. I see at as the ultimate act of self-praise and freedom of will. A spit to the face of the Universe and rebellion against its laws.

I will not live to grow old and will perish by my own hand when the time comes. But for the time being, I am here. And I hope this time will be spent well.

 

[BooGirl]

Hi, I'm Boo. I'm a mess who really just wants to get hit by a train, but I don't think that that's anything special here. I've been trying to learn Hebrew for the past year or so. Language learning is the only thing that brightens me up. Really just thinking about it, not actually doing it, but nevertheless. Anyways, hi!

 

[SanitySalvage]

Hi, I'm Demy. I just turned 26 and I have never felt more alone in my life. I found this place while looking up doorknob hanging. I hope to learn something while I'm here and as for how long I'm here... I don't know.

 

[listeningpost1379]

You can call me Ann, it's half of my real name. I'm not depressed or lonely, I'm quite content with my current life. I'm here because I've overcome so much to live like I do now and will still have to struggle so much more to maintain it and you see, I don't want to. I love milk tea and disgustingly sweet Starbucks drinks.

 

[SylvaanBanaan]

Hey guys, i've been semi-lurking and posting here and there.
So long story short, I'm a highschool dropout who failed to recover from mental illness over the years.

I got depressed in the second year and my anxiety went through the roof. My parents at the time treated me rather poorly, no abuse but there were plenty arguments, my mentor wasn't at all helpful and only worsened the situation. After a while i just shut down, stopped caring and isolated myself from everything.
This is like six years ago now.

Over the years i've been to many different therapists and psychiatrists, booking slow progress over time but the past three years i have just hit a wall that i'm unable to recover from, even though i have really really tried, i've lost the will to get anywhere at this point. My parents tell me to just figure it out myself, my siblings look down on me, probably for in their eyes being a lazy shit.

I'm really stuck and i have no idea what i want to do but i'm keeping all options open.

I'm lucky to have a few friends in real life, as well as a few online, oh and a lovely doggo and a cat
Piano and internet/videogames are nowadays how i spend most of my time, mostly piano.
I love listening to Chopin, Muse, Awolnation, Arctic Monkeys, and for some reason BTS, so yeah basically anything haha
Also browsing reddit is a habit that i havent kicked (: and nowadays here too

 

[strawberrygirl]

Hey,

I've been lurking for last couple days. Honestly, I don't recall how I even got here - one moment I'm surfing the web, the next I'm here reading about yew poison.
I'm not a social person and tend to avoid social situations, but I think I might've found my people here. That said I'd like to at least try being more open and talkative. Hopefully I'll contribute something of merit to a debate or be of any help.

I never asked ot be born and for as long as I remember myself, I wanted to negate that decision my parents made for me. While not actively suicidal, I am fascinated by the idea of suicide. I see at as the ultimate act of self-praise and freedom of will. A spit to the face of the Universe and rebellion against its laws.

I will not live to grow old and will perish by my own hand when the time comes. But for the time being, I am here. And I hope this time will be spent well.

I got here the same way.. and i share your sediments. I don't want to grow old too and would like to go by my own hands, peacefully. I have a resentment for being born but couldn't voice it as it is deemed to be not filial...

 

[Shero]

Now that im comfortable being on this forum, i should introduce myself very briefly.
Im 25, living in the South of EU and lived with mental illness since my childhood.
I live with a genetic disease and comorbidities as well, they will eventually take my life.
What kept me going until now was singing + stimming, videogames, movies, anime and reading, which sadly isn't possible anymore due to brainfog/adhd.

 

[Naysha]

Hello.
-born as girl
-fallen on my head at young age
-suffer from bpd, anxiety, depression and existential dread
-divorced parents, family abuse and bullying, pretty bad childhood
-antinatalist and goth, love music and books and writing and drawing, also videogames
-favorite author is H. P Lovecraft
-favorite band/singer: Siouxsie and the Banshees, Peter Murphy

 

[Glaski]

Hi Everyone,

I've been sitting on making this first post for awhile now, I'm the most socially inept person that has ever existed and have a hard time with stuff like this.
I'm confident in my decision to CTB and have picked SN as my method due to the difficulty of getting N (mostly cannot afford to get ripped off).
After lurking for so long I've come to the conclusion that I feel like a lot of you, I've messed my life up beyond repair and there will be no chance for happiness in the future for me. I want to thank everyone here as well as the community myself, even before I've signed up it has helped me articulate what I'm feeling and figure out how to deal with it.

Best of luck to all of you!
Glass

 

[Maus7]

Hello.
-born as girl
-fallen on my head at young age
-suffer from bpd, anxiety, depression and existential dread
-divorced parents, family abuse and bullying, pretty bad childhood
-antinatalist and goth, love music and books and writing and drawing, also videogames
-favorite author is H. P Lovecraft
-favorite band/singer: Siouxsie and the Banshees, Peter Murphy

i have always loved Siouxie and Banshees

 

[GreyMagic]

Just a random hello and welcome to the forum post.

Debro - hey welcome to this forum. I'm pleased you managed to post. Hope you find the information you are looking for whether it be for ctb or recovery.

Naysha - I like how you did your post. Felt like got to know you a tiny bit.

Glaski - nothing wrong with a bit of lurking. Even though i have been here a while I still find posting difficult and I'm way to anxious to enter chat. What i am trying to say is you aren't alone. There's people with similar experiences that are ready to talk to you.


*virtual hug for each of you*

 

[Lego31088]

Hello, I'm a 22 years old woman from Norway. I found the forum while searching for information on writing a suicide note. I'm struggling with depression and very serious self-harm. I used to study at university, but I'm too sick for that now, both physically and mentally.

I chose this username because the Lego set contains the instructions and bricks to make a shark. It reminds me of things I used to be interested in. I could probably write several paragraphs about it and then perhaps make a joke that it's "not that deep" - and then another one about sleeper sharks. I'm too tired to do that right now, but you get the idea!

 

[shoganai]

Sup.

I wish I knew what to say. I no longer have hobbies. I just do what I have to do and then I go home and lay around with my cat. If invited, I will go out with friends. In public, I look like a happy and derpy person. Lol.

I used to play video games, draw, and occasionally cook just for the sake of it.

 

[Cerdiwen]

Hi, i'm new here.I'm a mom of two kids 11 and 12, and I love them to pieces, but my health has ruined their and my husband's life.I don't go a single month without doctor visits,ER visit,hospital stay, or some type of medical disaster.I hurt so much physically.Everyone pushes me to go see someone to talk to, but truth is I don't care about myself enough TO do that.Part of me hopes eventually I get to the point I snap, and I just end it.I don't want to hurt my kids, though or my husband and that is what keeps stopping me.I don't want this life anymore.

 

[i'mfine]

Hi, I've been in the forum for a couple of days, but I wanted to introduce myself anyway,

I am from Venezuela and I am a fan of rock and rap music,anime and videogames I was never medicated for depression or any illness but I am sure that mentally i'm not very well at all an abusive family, contact with drugs, and daily violence since I have memory make me doubt my health I'm not at all well, I tried to end my life 3 times and now I'm here to save or end my life

 

[HadEnough1974]

My introduction. I'm 45 and I'm tired of life, I feel like a deflated balloon.

 

[Mooseman]

My introduction. I'm 45 and I'm tired of life, I feel like a deflated balloon.

Same here. How many posts you need to PM.

 

[Motherfly]

Same here. How many posts you need to PM.

5 I think

 

[Tempeste]

49, married female. Giving up on battling the cptsd bc the situation that caused it never stops. The stalker does most of his work online, and I'm constantly told "we'd like to help, but....." And "the law hasn't kept up with the technology".
I won't bother anyone with the details of the vile acts committed against me and my family. It's made our lives hell.
I have debilitating panic attacks that have recently put my husband in danger when police responded badly. He was nearly shot. I can't risk putting him in harm's way again.
I've made a couple attempts over the last year tying to look accidental. Been interrupted, this guy of mine has freaking radar, and is absolutely dedicated to keeping me alive. I don't deserve his devotion.
I can't keep fighting. I'm so tired and the problems this just keeps bringing into our lives never stop. Once I'm gone my family has a chance to live in peace. I want to give them that.

Yes I've tried working with my GP, with a trauma therapist, tried a couple of prescriptions. No help. None of that solves the base problem and it never will.

 

[goomsoom]

Hi! Everyone
Age - lot of years remaining for me to suffer.

I am suffering from depressions and mood swings from a very long time and to make things worse I also developed some health issues. All these made me slowly isolate myself from everyone not that I ever had a lot of friends, always the lonely introvert guy. Sometimes I feel it would have been nice to have a partner, someone to talk to but then I think because of my mood swings I cannot be with anyone.

lonely, miserable, broke, failed at everything including ctb, there is no hope or anything I want to achieve in life or can even if I want to :p with every passing day I feel like a burden on everyone.

Happy to find this forum where everyone don't want to shove their "Help" down my throat.

 

[ItHurtsToLive]

Hello guys i have been lurking for a couple of months and decided to make an account.I feel on my head when i was 10,and now i am depressed,socialy anxious,never had any friends and i am always a 100% anxious becuase i probably have OCD.I liked to play games but my brain does not allow me to play games anymore

 

[Stroopwafel.]

Hello. I'm 26 and I live in the Netherlands. I've been struggling with mental health issues almost all my life. Things became worse about 4-5 years ago. They have misdiagnosed me for years and made things much worse. I've not even once felt taken seriously by all the psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, etc etc I've seen. (and believe me I've seen many of the them) I've also never really understood the meaning of life and never really enjoyed life. I just feel like I don't belong here.

There is literally nothing I enjoy anymore and I spend all my days alone in my bedroom because my mental health issues are so severe I can't even leave my bedroom for more than a few minutes anymore.

I'm at the point where I don't wanna life any longer and I'm searching for a good way to leave this world.

 

[SpaceForGrace]

Hi everyone. I found SS early this week and signed up a few days after. I stumbled upon the site out of desperation. CTB is a terrifying and terrible choice for me, but at least I found some sense of control over a life on accelerated descent.

Having to retype my story is distressing, so I hope linking to my previous post is ok. Thanks for finding the time to read. I welcome PMs.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/foraging-for-grace.30108/

 

[NonsenseTrash]

Hello everyone,

I have been lurking on the website for a while now, and decided to make an account. I am in my mid-twenties. I have had mental health issues my entire life. I have tried the recovery route, and have my foot still partially in the recovery door. But, over the years of intense treatment, i feel like nothing has worked. I just cant see myself living much longer.
I have played around with the partial suspension method for years now, but my chosen method to CTB will be SN, when I'm ready.