devoidvessel
@devoidvessel
- Apr 16, 2023
- 10
Hi there. My life is unbearable and I'm thinking about catching the bus soon.
I'll buy the sodium nitrite. I'm curious if it is possible to inject it, if it would act faster and if it would be less painful.
Now a background of me:
I'm a 31 years old male, borderline and bipolar, and I'm addicted to doing drugs.
Professionally while I'm not rich, I have a nice income and I'm stable at my job. I'm fully functional and people doesn't even know that i have some diagnosis or that I live in despair.
While I have been addicted to specific drugs, today I'm not, but I love drugs too much, I love escaping from reality, and I'm a occasional abuser of many drugs. I can and sometimes I spend months clean, without any doing any drug, so while I'm a polydrug abuser, this is far from the reason I want to CTB.
When I was a kid, i dealt with an emotionally abusive mom that had postpartum depression, and a lot of bullying. When i became 18 I dealt with an abusive relationship with a girl, I got diagnosed as bpd and bipolar, dealt with panic syndrome and I still that lasted five years and that scarred me to the point that I have never been the same since 2015. After that relationship I became antissocial and introvert. I have only one friend and I maintain distance from him - i can't trust people.
April last year I entered in another relationship with a girl and we moved together. She is borderline and she is more affected with her illness than I'm with mine. She is very abusive with me, she almost as abusive as the ex i mentioned before. She will travel to be with her family today and she would be there for a week. I'll communicate her after she arrives in her family's city that I'm breaking up and that I'll catch the bus soon.
My life is a mess, it has always been, if I could press a button to erase my existence and all its influence from history I would press it without delay. I never asked to come into existence. Life is pointless and unfair, and I regret failing previous suicide attempts. I don't want to suffer many more years. and I have to end this before i break more and more. I'm atheist, I cannot make myself to have faith, if I could decide on this, I would choose to have faith... but I hope there is an afterlife and that if a god exists he forgive me, I wish so bad to be rewarded for all this struggle, while I want to run from this life, I don't want to dissappear into eternal oblivion.
Please help and answer if it is possible to inject SN and what would be the consequences.
I'll buy the sodium nitrite. I'm curious if it is possible to inject it, if it would act faster and if it would be less painful.
Now a background of me:
I'm a 31 years old male, borderline and bipolar, and I'm addicted to doing drugs.
Professionally while I'm not rich, I have a nice income and I'm stable at my job. I'm fully functional and people doesn't even know that i have some diagnosis or that I live in despair.
While I have been addicted to specific drugs, today I'm not, but I love drugs too much, I love escaping from reality, and I'm a occasional abuser of many drugs. I can and sometimes I spend months clean, without any doing any drug, so while I'm a polydrug abuser, this is far from the reason I want to CTB.
When I was a kid, i dealt with an emotionally abusive mom that had postpartum depression, and a lot of bullying. When i became 18 I dealt with an abusive relationship with a girl, I got diagnosed as bpd and bipolar, dealt with panic syndrome and I still that lasted five years and that scarred me to the point that I have never been the same since 2015. After that relationship I became antissocial and introvert. I have only one friend and I maintain distance from him - i can't trust people.
April last year I entered in another relationship with a girl and we moved together. She is borderline and she is more affected with her illness than I'm with mine. She is very abusive with me, she almost as abusive as the ex i mentioned before. She will travel to be with her family today and she would be there for a week. I'll communicate her after she arrives in her family's city that I'm breaking up and that I'll catch the bus soon.
My life is a mess, it has always been, if I could press a button to erase my existence and all its influence from history I would press it without delay. I never asked to come into existence. Life is pointless and unfair, and I regret failing previous suicide attempts. I don't want to suffer many more years. and I have to end this before i break more and more. I'm atheist, I cannot make myself to have faith, if I could decide on this, I would choose to have faith... but I hope there is an afterlife and that if a god exists he forgive me, I wish so bad to be rewarded for all this struggle, while I want to run from this life, I don't want to dissappear into eternal oblivion.
Please help and answer if it is possible to inject SN and what would be the consequences.
