In my experience the people who preach about suicide prevention are the most judgemental people towards suicidal people

[FireFox]

My depression and suicidal thoughts began at 21 years old. I wanted a place where I could talk freely without being judged so before I joined SS forum I used to belong to a UK based online depression support community . I eventually left the forum in 2020 and I discovered rescently the moderator of that forum passed away suddlenly suffering from an illness she had multiple health problems. I feel so sorry for her 3 kids left behind as they so young.

The members of that forum have being sharing the stories of how she was a lovely kindhearted woman who helped people suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. The moderator suffered from severe depression, anxiety and experienced postnatal depression in all 3 pregnancies. Despite her difficulties throughout her life during my encounters with her I found her to be a judgemental and patronising person who censored serious and open discussion about mental health in society.

During the pandemic I mentioned on the forum as truthfully as possible that sometimes i wished I died of covid19 because I don't really deserve to be alive in this world. The moderator of the site she attacked me and she said my comments are "insulting " and she talked about how she has been shielding during the pandemic. Another site member she was the biggest bully and she criticised me on the site. She brought up about her cousin died of covid19 and didn't get to say goodbye. She called me " selfish " and said i didn't "understand "what i was talking about. She is in her 40s and also she said " I wish I was young, had a law degree and a caring family "She attacked me on the site the moderator along with all the site members sided with her as she builled me. I end up being accused of attacking her when I tried to defend myself.

Everyone on the forum talks about how amazing she was but at my lowest point in my life I was judged and builled and the moderator allowed it to happen. There so many people like that moderator working in suicide prevention who are actually judgemental towards the suicidal people they claim to care about.

 

[7213882898]

as someone who is in medical school and is surrounded by people who wanna enter psychiatry, yeah. just yeah.

 

[darksoul]

If you need help reach out, while there hand is always closed. Almost funny in a cynical way.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes I wonder if it's motivated by fear. It's not that they're happy or delussional- after all, they are suffering themselves. I just think- for whatever reason, they feel a greater commitment to keep living- to life itself presumably- if she had 3 children. I reckon they are tempted to think like that too but they banish it from their minds and don't like to be tempted to think like that.

I wonder if that's why they get so irrate when other people allow themselves to feel like that and express it openly. I wonder if on the one hand, they feel jealous of that freedom but on the other- they judge the person for not fighting those feelings that they clearly perceive as wrong. Still- it doesn't excuse her obviously.

 

[SilentSadness]

Unfortunately, most people have a horrible mindset towards suicidal people, and of course if those people actively involve themselves in it they will show more toxicity. But I think it's just a look into how toxic most people are towards suicide rather than this. You are sadly right that most communities around suicide are just as toxic, they don't aim to help anyone after all.

 

[FireFox]

as someone who is in medical school and is surrounded by people who wanna enter psychiatry, yeah. just yeah.

@kitsix I have read news stories of cases where doctors and nurses have been abusing or treating poorly mentally ill patients in psychiatric hospitals.

I just do not understand how people enter the profession of healthcare and have no compassion for human suffering because the purpose of medicine is to help the sick in thier hour of need.

 

[FireFox]

Sometimes I wonder if it's motivated by fear. It's not that they're happy or delussional- after all, they are suffering themselves. I just think- for whatever reason, they feel a greater commitment to keep living- to life itself presumably- if she had 3 children. I reckon they are tempted to think like that too but they banish it from their minds and don't like to be tempted to think like that.

I wonder if that's why they get so irrate when other people allow themselves to feel like that and express it openly. I wonder if on the one hand, they feel jealous of that freedom but on the other- they judge the person for not fighting those feelings that they clearly perceive as wrong. Still- it doesn't excuse her obviously.

@Forever Sleep The moderator being a depression sufferer herself along with her other mental illnesses out of all people she should know that people with depression do not see the world and themselves in a normal way. During the pandemic genuinely felt like I didn't deserve to be alive especially seeing the people I knew who died from covid19 and were good people with so much to live for. I wished I died from covid19 instead of the good people of the world.

The moderator ulimately drove me out of the community. The same week I made the covid19 comments I just wrote about how if you kill yourself people seem to care more about you and really appreciate you. I made reference to the suicide of a famous UK celebrity who killed herself and got loads of massive public outpouring of love. The moderator responded with hostility. She imposed restrictions on my posts which were every post i wrote had to be approved by her. After that I left. She was rude to me in the emails when discussing closing my account.

Seeing all the online tributes about how the moderator was a lovely woman who helped many vulnerable people I just can't get over how she allowed her online community to bully and judge me at my lowest point in my life all because I expressed honestly my deepest pain which she and community didn't agree with. God forgive me for saying this but anyone who allows the bullying of a vunlerable person is not a good human being.

I only feel sorry for her 3 kids left behind and her family but that woman is not a nice person. Everyone is treating her like saint and an angel but the day she treated with her judgemental behaviour, hostility and even allowing her members to bully me she showed her true colours which is not a nice person and absolutely nothing like the Saint she has been painted out to be.

Unfortunately, most people have a horrible mindset towards suicidal people, and of course if those people actively involve themselves in it they will show more toxicity. But I think it's just a look into how toxic most people are towards suicide rather than this. You are sadly right that most communities around suicide are just as toxic, they don't aim to help anyone after all.

@SilentSadness The moderator has suffered from depression and anxiety throughout her entire life. She even had postnatal depression in all 3 pregnancies. Her husband wanted her to abort the 3rd baby and woman chose to keep the baby. She went through the pregnancy alone. She mentions how the husband has been neglecting the children and even said her husband wasn't sure if he loved her. It was clear she stayed with the man because she was scared of going it alone.

Despite her life long struggle with mental illness, loneliness and isolation she experienced throughout her life she turned out be quite a judgemental person incapable of listening to different perspectives, philosophies and opinions on mental health and the mental health care system.

● On the forum when I was a member i argued that UK mental health awareness campaigns telling people to seek help for mental illness is ineffective because the mental health care system is inaccessible to the majority of the general public. The moderator got defensive and disagreed with me saying how awareness is important. She was unwilling to listen and have a civilised debate.

● When I wrote a post about how if you kill yourself people seem to care more about you and really appreciate you than if you were alive. I made reference to the suicide of a famous UK celebrity who killed herself who got loads of massive public outpouring of love. The moderator responded with hostility and called my comments "offensive". She imposed restrictions on my posts which were every post i wrote had to be approved by her. After that I left. She was rude to me in the emails when discussing closing my account.

Seeing all the online tributes about how the moderator was a lovely woman who helped many vulnerable people I just can't get over how she allowed her online community to bully and judge me at my lowest point in my life all because I expressed honestly my deepest pain which she and community didn't agree with. God forgive me for saying this but anyone who allows the bullying of a vunlerable person is not a good human being. I only feel sorry for her kids left behind as they are so young.

 

[7213882898]

@kitsix I have read news stories of cases where doctors and nurses have been abusing or treating poorly mentally ill patients in psychiatric hospitals.

I just do not understand how people enter the profession of healthcare and have no compassion for human suffering because the purpose of medicine is to help the sick in thier hour of need.

or to throw them on whatever pills they're sponsored by.

i'm going into surgery so i can't really become that corrupt, don't worry!