Venting In a misery spiral.

[Someplace_nice]

Why does my mind refuse to give me good dreams about my husband, every time I have a dream about him it's vivid and it's about him cheating on me. I'm sick and tired of it, he is the most precious thing in this world, he is the light of joy itself so why does my mind put him in such horrible light? Is he cheating and I don't know it? Is he not the person I know? In the dream he was so close with his gf and it felt so nice, but when he was alone with me it'd feel like what our relationship feels like now, empty and distant. We just talked about it yesterday so there's no room for change rn he's literally at work. I keep believing him when he says that he's gonna change. Ik I'm spiraling but I have no one to stop me, I don't think I can stop this one either. I just want my husband... What if he is cheating, what if there's something that can't be undone going on. I don't want to be alone but I am always alone, I only have him. I've no friends I'm all alone.

 

[U. A.]

i saw you made a post about some disconnect sexually. that's reason enough to feel something is off if that is a change. it sounds like you've talked to him about things already though...

 

[TBONTB]

Why does my mind refuse to give me good dreams about my husband, every time I have a dream about him it's vivid and it's about him cheating on me. I'm sick and tired of it, he is the most precious thing in this world, he is the light of joy itself so why does my mind put him in such horrible light? Is he cheating and I don't know it? Is he not the person I know? In the dream he was so close with his gf and it felt so nice, but when he was alone with me it'd feel like what our relationship feels like now, empty and distant. We just talked about it yesterday so there's no room for change rn he's literally at work. I keep believing him when he says that he's gonna change. Ik I'm spiraling but I have no one to stop me, I don't think I can stop this one either. I just want my husband... What if he is cheating, what if there's something that can't be undone going on. I don't want to be alone but I am always alone, I only have him. I've no friends I'm all alone.

Let's talk about you. Hopefully he's not cheating and your mind is just on runaway.

But this thing about not wanting to be alone but not having any friends. Say more about that...what is the challenge with friends?

 

[Someplace_nice]

Let's talk about you. Hopefully he's not cheating and your mind is just on runaway.

But this thing about not wanting to be alone but not having any friends. Say more about that...what is the challenge with friends?

The challenge is that I am a house wife and that doesn't get me much time with other people. Every time I get a friend they leave.

 

[TBONTB]

The challenge is that I am a house wife and that doesn't get me much time with other people. Every time I get a friend they leave.

that sounds tough. I hope you can find some people to spend time with.

 

[Skallagrim]

The challenge is that I am a house wife and that doesn't get me much time with other people. Every time I get a friend they leave.

Can you elaborate a bit? Is it that kids or stuff in the home keeps you busy? Or is it more that you just can't get away from the place?

 

[Someplace_nice]

Can you elaborate a bit? Is it that kids or stuff in the home keeps you busy? Or is it more that you just can't get away from the place?

I can't get away

 

[Skallagrim]

I can't get away

What stops you?

I'm asking you, not challenging you.

Are you in the middle of nowhere? Find it hard to make friends? Or are you in a controlled relationship or something like that?

 

[Someplace_nice]

What stops you?

I'm asking you, not challenging you.

Are you in the middle of nowhere? Find it hard to make friends? Or are you in a controlled relationship or something like that?

I don't drive and it's hard for me to make friends

 

[Skallagrim]

I don't drive and it's hard for me to make friends

The friends thing is a familiar situation to most here. Feeling weird about the whole getting close to another person is part of the reason a lot of people end up here. There are ways to get around this, but what those ways are depends largely on your environment and what you're able to do besides work or whatever.

The driving situation I'm not sure of - are you in a rural area or in a small town or something? How come that impacts you?

 

[Someplace_nice]

The friends thing is a familiar situation to most here. Feeling weird about the whole getting close to another person is part of the reason a lot of people end up here. There are ways to get around this, but what those ways are depends largely on your environment and what you're able to do besides work or whatever.

The driving situation I'm not sure of - are you in a rural area or in a small town or something? How come that impacts you?

I love in a small town near the square which is a ways from all the chain stores and restaurants, the mall is an hour away and since I'm a house wife I have no money.

 

[Skallagrim]

I love in a small town near the square which is a ways from all the chain stores and restaurants, the mall is an hour away and since I'm a house wife I have no money.

So... you have no resources, no transport, no scope for change, no interests outside of the home, and have a hard time connecting with others? Yes. That's a difficult one.

And frankly, your other half is neglecting you. As a human being, you should get *something* else, he should cough up enough for you to get to and from your local town or nearest city, if for no other reason than to stop you going insane. Have you spoke to him about that?

 

[Someplace_nice]

So... you have no resources, no transport, no scope for change, no interests outside of the home, and have a hard time connecting with others? Yes. That's a difficult one.

And frankly, your other half is neglecting you. As a human being, you should get *something* else, he should cough up enough for you to get to and from your local town or nearest city, if for no other reason than to stop you going insane. Have you spoke to him about tha

So... you have no resources, no transport, no scope for change, no interests outside of the home, and have a hard time connecting with others? Yes. That's a difficult one.

And frankly, your other half is neglecting you. As a human being, you should get *something* else, he should cough up enough for you to get to and from your local town or nearest city, if for no other reason than to stop you going insane. Have you spoke to him about that?

I have but we have no car insurance, if he did and I was on it he'd let me take the car as long as I drop him off and pick him up. We have a strict budget, (which I control), so we wouldn't have a lot for spending anyways. I have one friend in this town but they don't even think of me. My husband has offered to introduce me to some of his work buddies but I get really shy.

 

[Skallagrim]

I have but we have no car insurance, if he did and I was on it he'd let me take the car as long as I drop him off and pick him up. We have a strict budget, (which I control), so we wouldn't have a lot for spending anyways. I have one friend in this town but they don't even think of me. My husband has offered to introduce me to some of his work buddies but I get really shy.

Is it shyness? Or full on social phobia/agoraphobia?

Or aren't you quite sure?

 

[Someplace_nice]

Is it shyness? Or full on social phobia/agoraphobia?

Or aren't you quite sure?

Idk if I have social anxiety or if I'm just shy

 

[Skallagrim]

Idk if I have social anxiety or if I'm just shy

Alright.

Feel free to not answer anything, you have the right to remain silent etc. If you'd rather not say, PLEASE don't say. I'm just trying to be useful;

When you meet people, do you just feel awkward, like you don't want to talk?

Or is it a bit more involved? Like a fear of embarrassment or your mind just doesn't come up with things to say, becoming disordered and failing to properly work?

Or is it deeper? Do you get actual physiological reactions? Panic, sweats, fear, the world feels different, maybe even nausea and dizziness, and you just really, really, REALLY need to get out of this situation as fast as you can?

 

[Someplace_nice]

Alright.

Feel free to not answer anything, you have the right to remain silent etc. If you'd rather not say, PLEASE don't say. I'm just trying to be useful;

When you meet people, do you just feel awkward, like you don't want to talk?

Or is it a bit more involved? Like a fear of embarrassment or your mind just doesn't come up with things to say, becoming disordered and failing to properly work?

Or is it deeper? Do you get actual physiological reactions? Panic, sweats, fear, the world feels different, maybe even nausea and dizziness, and you just really, really, REALLY need to get out of this situation as fast as you can?

I am just afraid of saying something wrong and embarrassing myself I can work up the courage to but I'm mainly just paralyzed in fear

 

[Skallagrim]

I am just afraid of saying something wrong and embarrassing myself I can work up the courage to but I'm mainly just paralyzed in fear

Okay, I'd say that's extending into agoraphobia (note: my expertise is not mental health but the taste of crayons and the exact maximum time you can extend between baths before someone calls the cops).

I'd consider speaking to someone about that, if possible and if you live in a place where health services for that kind of thing are available. The longer these sorts of isolations go on the worse the fear gets of being in a situation where you have to speak to someone. REJECT SSRIS if they try to give you those as a first step (so that's sertraline, citalopram, seroxat, fluoxetine, elasopram etc). They'll definitely make you able to meet people and to function "normally", but they'll completely flatten your other emotions.

There are therapies that can help with this though.

Of course, feel free to take all of this with a grain of salt. Just trying to offer something that might help break the net you seem to be caught in.