ill never have a boyfriend & the loneliness will kill me someday

[gattara]

last night i felt insane anxiety and this feeling that my boyfriend was talking to another girl. i asked him last night and woke up to a message saying that he is sexting an old flame, that they aren't going to date but are going to explore things that feel like needs to them. i said i dont understand. he called me and said he is sexting them and i said okay, and said bye-bye and i haven't heard from him since. my boyfriend is into a specific type of bdsm that i was intrigued by but im not super into it like he is. he feels like our core interests are different. im very upset i thought someday he would kidnap me but i dont think he feels our kidnapping interests align. i feel so unhinged im posting on all the old web forums i used to go on as a teenager just feeling so desperate. i sat outside on an old dead end road for thirty minutes. i laid in the sun this morning. i just feel so hurt i can't stop crying. he made me feel so special he bought me stuff and even bought me flowers. today i checked the flower he got me that i had pressed so it would dry and be preserved and it was moldy.

he also told me yesterday that he isnt attracted to me physically and hasn't been. that he thought he would be over time. he says that i need to get outside and exercise and be in the sun. im not fat or chubby at all i guess he just thinks i look sickly because i used to be a NEET and didn't go outside or move much. i keep thinking about my old obsessive thoughts of how ill never get a boyfriend and ill be alone forever. the thoughts even turn me on. i dont understand why boys never like me. my boyfriends arent ever even attracted to me.

 

[shadowlove]

It's just that the time has not come. Don't worry

 

[lastappleonearth]

Im truly sorry that this is happening to u. Being betrayed by the person you love and trust most is absolutely awful. There aren't rlly words to describe the pain this brings with it. I don't even know what to say except that ig that ur bf didnt deserve u. Seems to me, u were a loving and loyal gf and he betrayed all of that to sext with sb, thats rlly fucked up.
I cant relate completely to ur specific situation obv, but I also in some way have been discarded by ppl who I thought loved me, it hurts a lot. I hope u find someone who genuinely values u and loves u. It's easy to lose hope, especially after what happened, but pls try not to

 

[gattara]

Im truly sorry that this is happening to u. Being betrayed by the person you love and trust most is absolutely awful. There aren't rlly words to describe the pain this brings with it. I don't even know what to say except that ig that ur bf didnt deserve u. Seems to me, u were a loving and loyal gf and he betrayed all of that to sext with sb, thats rlly fucked up.
I cant relate completely to ur specific situation obv, but I also in some way have been discarded by ppl who I thought loved me, it hurts a lot. I hope u find someone who genuinely values u and loves u. It's easy to lose hope, especially after what happened, but pls try not to

thank you for your words. i think i may have overwhelmed him in a lot of ways and not been the right person for him.

i just broke up with him over the phone.

 

[miles-away]

My first boyfriend was openly not attracted to me and kept telling me to gain weight so I'd have a bigger ass. He couldn't do anything sexual without porn. After two weeks of borderline ghosting me, I found out he was talking to his female coworker all the time he was "too tired" to text me good morning. It destroyed my already low self esteem and my trust in men.
As someone who been in a similar position, focus on yourself and things that make you happy. Majority of men, especially in their early twenties, are very disappointing. If you focus on romantic relationships or why men are so mean to loyal, loving women, you will drive yourself insane. It's a blackpill but you gotta remove yourself from the romantic sphere for a little bit and love yourself.

 

[lastappleonearth]

thank you for your words. i think i may have overwhelmed him in a lot of ways and not been the right person for him.

i just broke up with him over the phone.

Even if u overwhelmed him, he shouldn't have treated u that way. Ig a lot of ppl don't realise how much pain they cause others

 

[imnotcreative]

I'm sorry. I really wish people were more respectful of others feelings before saying certain things/choosing actions... nobody deserves that type of treatment

 

[BooksIsAloneK]

It's unfortunate the types of personalities some personality types seem to often attract. I myself seem to attract seriously abusive narcissists and because of my abandonment issues I just can't leave anyone ever so I basically get abused until they get bored of me / drain me of my resources/ find someone they deem more useful and leave me. As said in here before me, in other words, part of dating young is learning how to tell who to avoid. There are genuine people out there, but there are also cruel people out there. In a perfect world we quickly learn to recognize and avoid the cruel but this is not a perfect world, I still make the same mistakes I did 15 years ago, so I can only say you are an important, wonderful person and I wish you the best life has to offer.