ill never have a boyfriend & the loneliness will kill me someday

[gattara]

last night i felt insane anxiety and this feeling that my boyfriend was talking to another girl. i asked him last night and woke up to a message saying that he is sexting an old flame, that they aren't going to date but are going to explore things that feel like needs to them. i said i dont understand. he called me and said he is sexting them and i said okay, and said bye-bye and i haven't heard from him since. my boyfriend is into a specific type of bdsm that i was intrigued by but im not super into it like he is. he feels like our core interests are different. im very upset i thought someday he would kidnap me but i dont think he feels our kidnapping interests align. i feel so unhinged im posting on all the old web forums i used to go on as a teenager just feeling so desperate. i sat outside on an old dead end road for thirty minutes. i laid in the sun this morning. i just feel so hurt i can't stop crying. he made me feel so special he bought me stuff and even bought me flowers. today i checked the flower he got me that i had pressed so it would dry and be preserved and it was moldy.

he also told me yesterday that he isnt attracted to me physically and hasn't been. that he thought he would be over time. he says that i need to get outside and exercise and be in the sun. im not fat or chubby at all i guess he just thinks i look sickly because i used to be a NEET and didn't go outside or move much. i keep thinking about my old obsessive thoughts of how ill never get a boyfriend and ill be alone forever. the thoughts even turn me on. i dont understand why boys never like me. my boyfriends arent ever even attracted to me.

 

[shadowlove]

It's just that the time has not come. Don't worry