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Heartaches

Heartaches

Don't say a prayer for me now
May 6, 2021
270
I don't think it's wrong, on the contrary, I think it's really good. It's just your way to help yourself. The forum isn't exclusive to those who wish to die, it's to have a discussion around taboo topics for most societies. We all come here for different reasons but we can relate to each other in some way, whether it's to CTB or stay.

I originally joined the website to keep an eye on threads about methods as I was thinking seriously to CTB at the time, but my desire began to wane a bit, as well as questioning myself if I was ready to die. I've become more active recently because I like the discussions and questions proposed, it helps me distract from daily duties and household environment as I'm usually extremely stressed. It's kind of a little venting place for me as I can't really express myself openly without causing trouble or being judged. Also prefer here over regular social media because social media makes me very unhappy with myself, it's tightly controlled and super predatory and I hate it. Here I feel less scared and more free, it helps me to understand myself better, to rethink unanswered questions or my beliefs, feel a part of a larger conversation, understood by a group of people who've gone through similar things or worse, less lonely.

I think it's what makes this place special, it's always full of surprises.​

Along with my therapy it's my safe house, I've stopped my psychologist because I can't ever freely talk like I do here. Did only 3 sessions with her and said no more, she didn't ask me a thing, would just stare at me. So I would just talk about the weather and such for 40mn. Jeez, glad it's over. I wrote to her and email and said, me and you it's not gonna work, I'm sorry. I'll stick to my psychiatrist only.
I'm sorry for what you went through, I've been going through a similar experience as well. Decided to stop going with my psychologist of 1 year cause I felt our sessions were going nowhere; he wanted me to vent all my frustrations, it helped at first but then it just began feeling useless, repetitive. Like, I'd just get so angry but it always felt like the brainless kind of anger, not one that could actually help me know myself and my past better or could give me a real sense of security about my future.

I hope things work out just with your psychiatrist from now on, but these kind of experiences are really demotivating. I feel like us as patients always put a lot on the line and it hurts. Not trying to shit on all psychologists, but our current system is very flawed.​
 
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