Venting I’m trying to think of reasons not to CTB but I can’t

[pedro3211]

I hate myself so much and I'm a total failure. I hate waking up everyday and remembering how I fucked up my life. I've been miserable for nearly a decade now and I see no way out. Part of me feels sorry for my family because if I CTB but then again they never did anything to stop my dad from being a prick to me at every opportunity, not to mention what they did to me when I was in the psych ward. Fuck sake man, I can't believe I'm in this position. I think I've no choice but to CTB at this stage. I've tried many different medications, I have a healthy diet, I exercise,I sleep decent, I don't watch porn like I used to and I avoid most of the "bad habits" that lead to poor mental health but yet every day I feel fucking terrible. Idk what to do

 

[korchoi]

You are doing your best. Don't blame yourself.

 

[pedro3211]

You are doing your best. Don't blame yourself.

I'm still suicidal though, even if I don't blame myself I still feel shit

 

[hihi2027]

I can relate to feeling like a failure as well. Funny enough is that, compared to what you wrote, my life should be objectively O.K. but i still feel like exiting this life. I guess thats the consequence of being a fraud in your own life, so this is what i deserve. Sorry for your situation, i hope you can find a peaceful solution

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Ok, what about more of the good habits & practices that could make you feel better & get you on the path to not feeling like a failure? Meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, reading or listening to A Course In Miracles (a program to learn how to forgive yourself and others), taking the Meyer's Briggs test to learn more about yourself & your strengths, therapy, meeting with a career counselor to help you find your path?

 

[Manfrotto99]

It sounds like you are making a lot of good efforts. You can only try doing things that you enjoy and try to be present in the moment, rather than being in the thoughts that are going on in your head. In the past Ive found exercise to be one of the best things for that. Keep yourself busy so you have less time to pay attention to the negative thoughts - it takes some control and discipline, be gentle on yourself, try to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, you are not your negative thoughts - Eventually they will loose their hold over you.