Venting Im tired of judgemental people

[tooafraidtodiez]

So long story short i have lots of problem from retinitis pigmentosa, back pain and OCD+severe anxiety. All three of these makes it hard for me to work and interact with people, makes me tense and sometimes give me headache. I convinced my father to get me a lawyer so we can talk about the legal status of accompanying me for VAD, since in my country theres risk of imprisonment if one "assist" in commiting CTB my father agreed to hiring one. But it seems like my sibling think im a coward since i dont try to get all the therapy. Also my back pain and vision problem makes it hard for me to work, not to mention if i grow old and no one's around i'll probably die by VSED since blindness is risk with my condition. Im not forcing them to help me VAD if legal risk is on the table. Im ready to commit with SN for the 2nd time, 1st time i felt asleep before drinking SN but still its very scary, if VAD is an option id prefer that. I even said if they're afraid of their reputation getting ruined due to living in a religious country they dont have to help me. But my siblings dont understand and i dont need to explain them, they think im a coward because i dont do all the therapy yet. i did breathing therapy and took SSRI for my anxiety it didnt work. also took tramadol for my back pain but the effect is temporary. This is why you shouldnt care about people opinion too much, they dont care about the extent of your suffering all they care is about their reputation and what they think is the "right" version in their head without trying to understand the actual truth. I told my parents if you dont want to risk ruining your reputation or legal risk is on the table, you dont have to help me. But i havent told this to my siblings, i dont need to anyway but they probably think im just a burden who will "ruin the family reputation". FFS i dont even ask to be born and drinking SN is not like taking a walk in the park. If SN is like N i wouldnt burden my family with all of these. Anyway that's pretty much my vent for today