Venting I’m so ugly that I can’t look at myself

[DrowningWithin]

I wish I could post a photo of myself, so everyone can just bully me. I'm short, ugly girl. I'm fat, even though I lost a little bit of weight it does nothing to stop the fact I'm still hideous.

I'm scared that when I eventually die one day, everyone will poke fun at my photos and my family will see it. My brother had an open casket funeral. I'm scared everyone will look at me.

People say that I'm beautiful but how can I look at myself and believe that. It's all lies to try to make me feel better.

I'm at the point where I spiral completely at my own reflection because I've never seen a creature as disgusting as I am.

I wish I lived where tall towers existed, how can putting effort be my only way out.

 

[LostHighway]

I wish I could post a photo of myself, so everyone can just bully me. I'm short, ugly girl. I'm fat, even though I lost a little bit of weight it does nothing to stop the fact I'm still hideous.

I'm scared that when I eventually die one day, everyone will poke fun at my photos and my family will see it. My brother had an open casket funeral. I'm scared everyone will look at me.

People say that I'm beautiful but how can I look at myself and believe that. It's all lies to try to make me feel better.

I'm at the point where I spiral completely at my own reflection because I've never seen a creature as disgusting as I am.

I wish I lived where tall towers existed, how can putting effort be my only way out.

I strongly encourage you to get therapy for this. It sounds like you have Body Dysphoria. (Even unattractive people can have it.) I had Body Dysphoria much of my life. It was so painful. But I got therapy for it and am more forgiving of myself. What helps me is this: Imagine a dear friend who you love to pieces looks the way you do. Would you love them any less? No, you would not. You would adore them with all your heart because they are wonderful exactly the way they are. So try to give yourself some of that self-compassion. Another thing to do next time you're out in the world is to look around at families out having fun at a park, on a walk, grocery shopping etc. A lot of these couples, and even their kids, are just average looking or even physically "unattractive", but they are enjoying life, each other. A life can be rich and meaningful if you are ordinary looking - or even unpleasant looking. Focus on things you enjoy. Focus on being a wonderful supportive friend, take care of your body: eat well, exercise, wear things that reflect your personality. Develop your personality. Learn an instrument. Take hikes. LIVE. Truly, get therapy if you need to. You can get through this. Strive for Ikigai for a rich, meaningful life.

 

[Grasp of darkness]

I strongly encourage you to get therapy for this. It sounds like you have Body Dysphoria. (Even unattractive people can have it.) I had Body Dysphoria much of my life. It was so painful. But I got therapy for it and am more forgiving of myself. What helps me is this: Imagine a dear friend who you love to pieces looks the way you do. Would you love them any less? No, you would not. You would adore them with all your heart because they are wonderful exactly the way they are. So try to give yourself some of that self-compassion. Another thing to do next time you're out in the world is to look around at families out having fun at a park, on a walk, grocery shopping etc. A lot of these couples, and even their kids, are just average looking or even physically "unattractive", but they are enjoying life, each other. A life can be rich and meaningful if you are ordinary looking - or even unpleasant looking. Focus on things you enjoy. Focus on being a wonderful supportive friend, take care of your body: eat well, exercise, wear things that reflect your personality. Develop your personality. Learn an instrument. Take hikes. LIVE. Truly, get therapy if you need to. You can get through this. Strive for Ikigai for a rich, meaningful life.

This. Worded very well. Unfortunately modern day society is very superficial and a big part of your attractiveness is locked in at birth. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We are our own harshest critics.

 

[LostHighway]

This. Worded very well. Unfortunately modern day society is very superficial and a big part of your attractiveness is locked in at birth. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We are our own harshest critics.

And stay off of Instagram and TikTok!! The most fabulous people I know aren't very attractive. They have a presence.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

I wish I could post a photo of myself, so everyone can just bully me. I'm short, ugly girl. I'm fat, even though I lost a little bit of weight it does nothing to stop the fact I'm still hideous.

I'm scared that when I eventually die one day, everyone will poke fun at my photos and my family will see it. My brother had an open casket funeral. I'm scared everyone will look at me.

People say that I'm beautiful but how can I look at myself and believe that. It's all lies to try to make me feel better.

I'm at the point where I spiral completely at my own reflection because I've never seen a creature as disgusting as I am.

I wish I lived where tall towers existed, how can putting effort be my only way out.

Only assholes bully. Not trying to belittle you but everyone has been bullied at one point or more in their lives. Just ignore them the best you can. Stay off social media if possible. Best thing I ever did . Hang in there

 

[Forever27]

I wish I could post a photo of myself, so everyone can just bully me. I'm short, ugly girl. I'm fat, even though I lost a little bit of weight it does nothing to stop the fact I'm still hideous.

I'm scared that when I eventually die one day, everyone will poke fun at my photos and my family will see it. My brother had an open casket funeral. I'm scared everyone will look at me.

People say that I'm beautiful but how can I look at myself and believe that. It's all lies to try to make me feel better.

I'm at the point where I spiral completely at my own reflection because I've never seen a creature as disgusting as I am.

I wish I lived where tall towers existed, how can putting effort be my only way out.

I feel you, on the other side as a guy though. It hurts when people call me good looking (to fuck with me? they know what I deeply want to hear?). It hurts a ton more when once I while I get called ugly to my face.

In 2024 I had a couple of really bad humiliations, and I put a deadline that if it didn't get better till Apr 2026, I'll end it. I tried everything to improve my appearance, got marginal results but it's still not enough. So I'm set to ctb this December. I don't think appearances is a shallow reason to ctb at all, it's a major handicap to social life.

I wish I had something better to say to you, but I've fought and lost this same battle. I'm rooting for you and I hope you find your peace

 

[Manfrotto99]

Make sure you don't have an open casket funeral then - I certainly won't ! I'm sure you not as ugly as you feel - your proberbly very attractive ...depression makes us feel evern more ugly than we otherwise might. If you have money you could try some cosmetic procedures to help your confidence - most women get things done now days and even small things can make a tone of difference esp if your already considered attractive.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I haven't looked in a mirror in two years, and I never will again (which shouldn't be too hard since I'm going to CTB).

In your case it sounds like you might be being too hard on yourself. I could be wrong, but something tells me you look better than you think!

 

[sacrilegeofsouls]

I wish I could post a photo of myself, so everyone can just bully me. I'm short, ugly girl. I'm fat, even though I lost a little bit of weight it does nothing to stop the fact I'm still hideous.

I'm scared that when I eventually die one day, everyone will poke fun at my photos and my family will see it. My brother had an open casket funeral. I'm scared everyone will look at me.

People say that I'm beautiful but how can I look at myself and believe that. It's all lies to try to make me feel better.

I'm at the point where I spiral completely at my own reflection because I've never seen a creature as disgusting as I am.

I wish I lived where tall towers existed, how can putting effort be my only way out.

Well somethings can be changed pretty easily losing weight can increase a person's attractiveness to others by alot if that's a concern me personally I wouldn't do it for people but for me. but i understand caring about how people perceive you and since you seem to do so this could be a pretty worthwhile thing. Besides try out hairstyles and stuff and dresses try some skincare go absolutely bonkers on it make it glow whatever people like etc etc. And You can't give up without even trying your best give it your all and then if it still sucks you can resort to the final solution.