Venting im so fucking tired.

[bumblefeet]

im so fucking tired. my agoraphobia has gotten worse, i have no motivation to do anything, my health has gone to shit, and ive just become a money drain. im just scared to actually CTB. im scared of nothingness. i dont want there to just be nothing. and im scared of going to hell or being reincarnated and forgetting everything. i dont think i actually want to die, i just want peace. i want to get better, but nothing i do helps. ive just been stuck in a hole for years.

i have an almost guaranteed way out that doesnt seem too painful (OD on hydrocodone, a few mg of benzos to add another depressant, and metoprolol to seal the deal) but im scared of the possibilities of what happens after. i think i would be a lot less scared if i knew what the afterlife is like, but nobody does. im not very religious, and since we cant scientifically prove the existence of a soul or afterlife, it makes me unsure.

sorry if i repeated a lot of stuff in my vent. just typing whats on my mind, haha.

 

[LoverofAnimals]

I wish you relief from your suffering. May you find the peace you are looking for and finally be free from this torment.

 

[unluckysadness]

I feel the same. Miserable life and agoraphobia since I was 16 (i'm 43 now). And other serious disabilities.
Just here to pay taxes and suffer. It's not a life. I'm so tired.

 

[rustcohle4life]

Nothingness is one of the better outcomes my guy. It won't be black, it will be complete non existence, so don't worry about that.

Also, i would highly advise against prescription OD, it's unreliable and not recommended on this sub. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/non-methods-that-should-not-be-attempted.177799/

No one knows what happens after death, so i won't bullshit you on that. Feel better my guy.

 

[bumblefeet]

Nothingness is one of the better outcomes my guy. It won't be black, it will be complete non existence, so don't worry about that.

Also, i would highly advise against prescription OD, it's unreliable and not recommended on this sub. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/non-methods-that-should-not-be-attempted.177799/

No one knows what happens after death, so i won't bullshit you on that. Feel better my guy.

opioids in large doses tend to be lethal. adding metoprolol would help to lower heart rate a ton, and benzos are other depressant that would reduce my anxiety as well as increase the effectiveness of the hydrocodone. its the most accessible and least painful for me. im pretty sure the post about non-methods is mainly referring to psychiatric medications like antidepressants or antipsychotics.

edit: actually hydrocodone would suck to OD on. maybe i can get my hands on oxycodone or tramadol in the future. my dad has throat cancer and might get it prescribed. i guess i should be glad i still live with them, lol.