Im in this constant battle of killing myself but also staying alive??

[kamikaze_shark04]

can anyone else relate or am I just going crazy?? I need some assurance.

 

[CantDoIt]

Definitely something Ive been going through for awhile. There are a lot of regulars here, haha.

 

[Unknown21]

It's the same problem as mine but I feel like I'm getting closer with time.

 

[hopscotch]

LOL yeah.. although im not determined enough for a battle i just tell myself i should kill myself 24/7 without doing anything about it... great way to make the worst of your life.

 

[badtothebone]

Same! I think about killing myself every minute now, but I also think about my two children. Living without my son is so hard with the guilt is even more painful I can't take this kind of pain anymore. I force myself to live but I don't want to even get up in the morning.

 

[wCvML2]

Yeah everyday I constantly swing from wanting to kill myself more and wanting to kill myself a little less and repeat.

 

[SteamaHorns]

At times I'll feel more hestitant towards my plans of going through with it whenever I see the current states of the friends I still have. Sometimes I'll feel as if I could maybe live for a bit longer and then reality hits, reminding me of why I wanted to do it in the first place.

 

[Trav1989]

If the SN I had received was legitimate instead of a joke I would not be here right now so I can't say I feel the same.

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Yes!! I go through stages of wanting to die often. I have had my SN for about 3 years now in a drawer in my bedroom. It's probably not even able to use now. I just can't seem to ctb as I have little dogs that depend on me. I look at their little faces each day and they are the only reason I haven't left this world by now. I fight with my mind often. 10000% when my dogs go to rainbow bridge I am outta here!

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I would say that this can be a pretty common feeling. Wanting to die but also not wanting to die. Sometimes even I think about it. And, no, it doesn't make you crazy, don't worry.

 

[singingcrow]

I want to die but also scared to die because I don't wanna mess it up :( also I still have some things in life I wanna experience before going

If the SN I had received was legitimate instead of a joke I would not be here right now so I can't say I feel the same.

how was it a joke?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. I feel like I need to wait till my Dad goes first and, while I wait, I can't just let everything fall apart. So, it's all just reluctantly treading water for me.

 

[graysme]

I remember in 2020 I had SN hidden in my drawer. I had it for 3 years. Thought about it multiple times but never touched it, something always makes me go forward. The human need for survival is insane for some.