I'm frustrated that I'll never do it

[TheLastYoyo]

I just don't have it in me. I admire people who can do it. I try to convince myself to do it, but I've never actually made a real attempt. And I don't think I ever will.

I'm not on the fence about suicide. I know it's something I want. It is my only option left - I've given it time, so much time. So much effort. Medicaion, therapists, healthy eating, exercise. I have all of that right now. I have an amazing, supportive, and loving boyfriend. I have a good job and friends who care about me. I have 2 fluffy cats who love to purr by me.

But it doesn't make a difference. I hav e everything I could ever want, as much support as a person could ever get, I've done EVERYTHING I can. For years and years and years.. I don't give a single fuck about "Oh, but have you tried X?" No, I don't care- there are endless random amounts of shit you could try. I'm done trying new things. I don't care anymore.

But I'll never have the guts. I wish I would just get taken out in a freak accident.

 

[snakefeet]

I can relate heavily. On paper you do everything right to "fix" it but nothing actually does.

Survival instincts can be a real pain in the ass and make it incredibly hard to act on anything. Freak accident an /or coma seems like the dream

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

I also can relate. I have a beautiful house, a husband, a daughter, great job. With every single thing that I gain, I just keep feeling the same or even more empty. I've been trying multiple methods for 1,5 year now, but SI keeps stopping me to go through with an attempt. I'm afraid I will never be able to kms.

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

Same here, life is so boring and a living hell but just the thought of fucking up an attempt being brain dead would seriously piss me off because you might not be able to attempt again and they'd keep you alive no matter how badly damaged you are which is ridiculous.

 

[keg-ireland]

I just don't have it in me. I admire people who can do it. I try to convince myself to do it, but I've never actually made a real attempt. And I don't think I ever will.

I'm not on the fence about suicide. I know it's something I want. It is my only option left - I've given it time, so much time. So much effort. Medicaion, therapists, healthy eating, exercise. I have all of that right now. I have an amazing, supportive, and loving boyfriend. I have a good job and friends who care about me. I have 2 fluffy cats who love to purr by me.

But it doesn't make a difference. I hav e everything I could ever want, as much support as a person could ever get, I've done EVERYTHING I can. For years and years and years.. I don't give a single fuck about "Oh, but have you tried X?" No, I don't care- there are endless random amounts of shit you could try. I'm done trying new things. I don't care anymore.

But I'll never have the guts. I wish I would just get taken out in a freak accident.

I'm exactly the same as you. I have everything...amazing job, friends, family and my loving wee dog but im suffering daily with chronic depression despite many many efforts to recover through meds, therapy, psyc ward etc...

I think my inability to ctb is the thought of hurting my family or maybe I'm just too weak to do it. Hopefully I pluck up the courage soon.

 

[unabletocope]

I feel you.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

It feels that way right now but time changes everything. Tomorrow is another day when anything can happen.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Just trying to understand better, is it you don't think you'll be able to overcome SI with any method?

Are you against the idea of using "violent" methods?

How do you feel when visualizing the actual act?

 

[daley]

TheLastYoyo, I can identify with a lot of what you said. I also have never attempted, but have wanted to die for a very long time.

I feel a bit like a hypocrite . But I just never had the guts to do it, and I try to forgive myself for that.

I am having troubles putting this into words, but what I have come up with for myself is to try to separate between my life and my "suicide career". Meaning, as long as I am alive, I try to live the best life as I can - as there is really nothing else to do. But that effort does not deny wanting to die.

 

[etherealspring]

I'm exactly the same, I feel you. My life has objectively gotten better than it used to be, but my desire to die hasn't gone away. If anything, it's stronger than it used to be... yet I still don't have the guts to do anything about it

 

[ClimbingCranes]

I feel like all my failed attempts are just because I haven't attempted with a serious method.