I'm a ghost

[Red.one]

I'm struggling for years. I don't have a lot of friends and colleagues, and I'm really grateful to have those who stayed.

But sometimes I just can't. Social media is TO MUCH for me. Last (almost) 2 months I ghosted everyone. They only heard from me when they were just calling and calling and calling.

One of said friends (1/3), told me that he "likes me" on the phone. He's from the other side of the country and we usually see each other around fantasy/anime conventions.
I ghosted him too. Apparently he was waiting for me to write to him. And I was too scared, cos he told me he likes me. I love our lil awkward "bro-sis" kind of relationship. And I don't know what to do.

Today may previous pupil (I was a horse riding instructor) phoned me. First thing she asked was "are U still alive, am I talking to YOU".

Why I can't keep in touch? Why am I pushing everyone out? I don't have need and energy but I know I should talk to people. Im fed up and I'm a total mess.
I'm trying to come back with talking to people. But I'm too scared. Like why am I texting to them after a month, or a few months?
I'm trying to come back with talking to people. But I'm too scared. Like why am I texting to them after a month, or a few months?

 

[timf]

People can withdraw from others as a way to manage anxiety only to discover that a different kind of anxiety is encountered. In the movie "Meatballs" Bill Murray leads a progressively larger group of campers in a chant repeatedly saying "It just doesn't matter" over and over. While done for comedic purposes, it does capture one way to reduce anxiety and that is to deflate the importance we imagine things to have.

One can take pleasure in small things and begin to see the control one can have over their own life. This can drive back the anxieties that can easily grow out of proportion to poison a life.

 

[bagel12]

I'm struggling for years. I don't have a lot of friends and colleagues, and I'm really grateful to have those who stayed.

But sometimes I just can't. Social media is TO MUCH for me. Last (almost) 2 months I ghosted everyone. They only heard from me when they were just calling and calling and calling.

One of said friends (1/3), told me that he "likes me" on the phone. He's from the other side of the country and we usually see each other around fantasy/anime conventions.
I ghosted him too. Apparently he was waiting for me to write to him. And I was too scared, cos he told me he likes me. I love our lil awkward "bro-sis" kind of relationship. And I don't know what to do.

Today may previous pupil (I was a horse riding instructor) phoned me. First thing she asked was "are U still alive, am I talking to YOU".

Why I can't keep in touch? Why am I pushing everyone out? I don't have need and energy but I know I should talk to people. Im fed up and I'm a total mess.
I'm trying to come back with talking to people. But I'm too scared. Like why am I texting to them after a month, or a few months?
I'm trying to come back with talking to people. But I'm too scared. Like why am I texting to them after a month, or a few months?

i'm sorry you're going through this i do the same thing, i am so incredibly grateful for my friends but i have hundreds of unread messages that have accumulated over time. my inability to respond to people and my inconsistency in my friendships makes me disappointed in myself.

i get overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything, i don't have the energy to talk to people, and i don't have anything positive to say because i am depressed. so i don't respond to people and i don't reach out to people, even though i know it is good for me and even though i really do like my friends. the longer i wait before replying to a message, the more guilty i feel and the more difficult/painful it is to reply. i know that i am losing friends because of my behavior.

i try to remind myself that when the roles are reversed and my friend doesn't reply to me for a while, i'm not mad at them, i'm actually happy to hear from them. so they probably won't be mad if it takes me a while to respond. aside from that i try to respond to one old message a day so it is more manageable. also i have adhd so adhd meds help me with this.

anyway you aren't alone in feeling this way and i hope this gets easier for us both