I feel the same way. I have N but I wonder why I bought it in the first place. It felt i was sure that I wanted to exit but now I have more and more doubts everyday. I dont know to tell you to buy it or not but it is good to have it as a backup
To be honest, I feel better than yesterday, doubts don't stink me so much anymore, I'm glad that you have N, maybe you'll reach the point of despair and end everything, in any case I wish you peace
May I ask why you wish to CTB, and what doubts you're having?
I have a very religious family and they do not know how to help me, all they offer me is to pray, in March of this year I realized that I could not adapt to society and all my plans for life collapsed since then I have an anxiety disorder and a depressive state.
I am tormented by doubts that I will ever be able to commit suicide, I don't know why, but yesterday I got very mad and decided to make such a topic, now I feel a little better