Venting I'm a bit scared about how my mentality has changed

[Rob_vin]

When i was 12 i started to have suicidal thoughts, but i mostly just did sh cus i was actually scared to commit and never actually tried anything (appart from trying to overdose on paracetamol bc i was a dumb kid). But now? things have just evolved into constant suicidal ideation and constant planning and attempting with major failure but i'm not doing sh anymore.

Maybe i'm overthinking stuff but this weird evolution feels right, it feels like the next logical step is finally thorwing myself into traffic (cus honestly that's my prefered methood idk if its effective) and finally fucking getting out of here.

I don't even have the "want" feeling i used to have when it came to cutting my arms like i'm a butcher, idk, maybe i'm overthinking like always.

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing ctb sounds so horrific to me, the running into traffic method does sound risky to me and I believe that it could very easily not work and just lead to injuries. I certainly do hate how we exist in a world where those who want to die cannot just pass away in peace but anyway best wishes.

 

[Rob_vin]

Failing ctb sounds so horrific to me, the running into traffic method does sound risky to me and I believe that it could very easily not work and just lead to injuries. I certainly do hate how we exist in a world where those who want to die cannot just pass away in peace but anyway best wishes.

Ty. It's been a while since my last failed ctb so it's more of a "funny" memory now. I also don't really know what other methoods to try, traffic seemed most accesible but yeah, risky nontheless :(. best wishes to u too

 

[CTB Dream]

This cruel no mthd peace have vry sry slf hrm wabt ctb 12, this life v cruel v mess undrstnd why think many, hope peace

 

[starrvingstar]

When i was 12 i started to have suicidal thoughts, but i mostly just did sh cus i was actually scared to commit and never actually tried anything (appart from trying to overdose on paracetamol bc i was a dumb kid). But now? things have just evolved into constant suicidal ideation and constant planning and attempting with major failure but i'm not doing sh anymore.

Maybe i'm overthinking stuff but this weird evolution feels right, it feels like the next logical step is finally thorwing myself into traffic (cus honestly that's my prefered methood idk if its effective) and finally fucking getting out of here.

I don't even have the "want" feeling i used to have when it came to cutting my arms like i'm a butcher, idk, maybe i'm overthinking like always.

i don't know if you care at all but throwing yourself into traffic would cause so much distress for whoever ends up killing you and would leave them with so much trauma and guilt that could potentially lead them to their own suicide, it might be worth rethinking before leaving someone in the situation where they've killed someone with their car. i assume you've thought your way around this but if someone sees you running into traffic there is a big chance no cars will move and someone will call the police, who will take you into mental health care most likely.

 

[Rob_vin]

i don't know if you care at all but throwing yourself into traffic would cause so much distress for whoever ends up killing you and would leave them with so much trauma and guilt that could potentially lead them to their own suicide, it might be worth rethinking before leaving someone in the situation where they've killed someone with their car. i assume you've thought your way around this but if someone sees you running into traffic there is a big chance no cars will move and someone will call the police, who will take you into mental health care most likely.

I never actually stopped to think about the person driving, which i should've honestly. But then what else can i do? second option for me was throwing myself from a tall building but does that mean i have to think about the people that might see me fall flat and die ? /genuine question btw

 

[my-end]

Despite any desire for ourselves to not be here any longer, it shouldn't come with putting anybody else in danger.

Besides the high uncertainty of what the outcome could be, throwing oneself in traffic could cause a collision that may take someone else's life while sparing yours...which could likely result in charges.
I even considered it once before while in some hellish depths but couldn't make it happen, thankfully.
Hopefully you'll reconsider.

 

[starrvingstar]

I never actually stopped to think about the person driving, which i should've honestly. But then what else can i do? second option for me was throwing myself from a tall building but does that mean i have to think about the people that might see me fall flat and die ? /genuine question btw

yes it is inevitable that someone will find your body or see you you can never be sure and no matter what you choose or what time of day/where you do it someone will always have to live having the memory of that with them. there are many other ways that do not involve the public posted on ss.

Despite any desire for ourselves to not be here any longer, it shouldn't come with putting anybody else in danger.

Besides the high uncertainty of what the outcome could be, throwing oneself in traffic could cause a collision that may take someone else's life while sparing yours...which could likely result in charges.
I even considered it once before while in some hellish depths but couldn't make it happen, thankfully.
Hopefully you'll reconsider.

yes, so much more can go wrong than it can go right. think of the bigger picture and the domino effect your actions might have.