Venting I'll never recover... I feel worse than ever

[Alisalyx]

I want this all to stop, I'm crying so hard, I miss them, I miss their company, I miss their voice, the memories are too strong, everything reminds me of them, random memories will pop up and make me cry, my feeling will never subside, I can't stop thinking about all the special things we had, all the time passed together, their voice singing songs that now make me cry when I hear them somewhere, thdir wit, their humor, their face, their passions. It's been two month and it's strong as ever, and worst thing is they wants to ctb too and i can't do anything to avoid it, I can't make them feel better, I can't talk to them, be there for them, I have no reason to keep going, I wish someone would just stab, choke or shoot me, I'm thinking about ctb tonight but I'll probably chicken out hoping one day before they do it I'll be able to speak to them again, but it won't happen, I am stuck in this loop, I am going crazy, I wanna stop all the suffering but I'm scared that I will do it and then they will come back and find out I ctb and it will make them suffer more than they already suffer

I kept deleting this post feeling self conscious, I didn't knew I should've posted it or not

 

[Alisalyx]

I'm really sorry for deleting and reposting this a couple of times... I feel like an asshole

 

[FuneralCry]

You don't really have to apologise, vent if you wish to, it must be hard to deal with what you are going through, it's just so dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence.

 

[Alisalyx]

You don't really have to apologise, vent if you wish to, it must be hard to deal with what you are going through, it's just so dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence.

It's just that people have told me to just "get over it" and it's a stupid reason to be depressed like I am, everybody acts like it's something I should just let go but i just can't, I can't stop thinking and I can't stop feeling pain, throughout the day I have to hold in tears in public or at my friend's house cause everything will remind me of them, and to them I'm nothing but an inconvenience
I really don't want them to ctb... I wish I could be there for them

 

[Alisalyx]

The fact I can't talk to them is the worst, I really wanna help them with everything I can do, and I feel so lonely, even when I'm with people