If I kill myself will my boyfriend ever heal from it?

[sohopelessandempty]

I really don't want to hurt him, I know everyone is different but for anyone here who has experienced this, does the pain ever go away? Will he ever get over it? I don't want to leave him heartbroken forever. He really loves me. And I love him too much to die if it means he'll never be okay again.

 

[ilovenewyork]

He'll think about you every day for the rest of his life. No he won't be Ok

 

[TheMadmanJL]

I would like to think that he would miss the hell out of you, tbh there is no way of really knowing.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

He'll think about you every day for the rest of his life. No he won't be Ok

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I would like to think that he would miss the hell out of you, tbh there is no way of really knowing.

I know. I know because he shows me with his actions, with his love and care. He said that if I was happy, he would never be sad again. He said he wants me to get better and be happy :(

 

[iwanttodie019]

whi

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I know. I know because he shows me with his actions, with his love and care. He said that if I was happy, he would never be sad again. He said he wants me to get better and be happy :(

which country,if you do not mind me asking?

 

[TheMadmanJL]

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I know. I know because he shows me with his actions, with his love and care. He said that if I was happy, he would never be sad again. He said he wants me to get better and be happy :(

Yeah you're still young yet, he sounds like a good dude. Try out life for awhile, and if life isnt your cup of tea then well I hope that you find the peace you're looking for!

 

[sohopelessandempty]

whi

which country,if you do not mind me asking?

I don't feel comfortable giving out that info sorry. Just curious, why does it matter what country I'm in?

 

[matheush]

I have the same problem as you, if I would do this his heart will break, so my tactics is to become distant to him so he won't suffer so much, I know is cruel but I think it is better for him to have this cold memory of me than to think that he lost love of his life.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Yeah you're still young yet, he sounds like a good dude. Try out life for awhile, and if life isnt your cup of tea then well I hope that you find the peace you're looking for!

I already have tried, I've felt this way since I was 11. I don't think life is for me. I just don't want to hurt him, he means the world to me.

I have the same problem as you, if I would do this his heart will break, so my tactics is to become distant to him so he won't suffer so much, I know is cruel but I think it is better for him to have this cold memory of me than to think that he lost love of his life.

I don't want to be cold to him either. If I ever ctb, it would be the day after we hang out one last time. I don't want to ruin a perfectly good relationship, I want to feel his love in my heart until my very last days. I don't want him to see this coming, or to notice any signs. I won't show any.

 

[Alpacachino]

To be honest, almost all people will move on. It will be really hard on him. He'll be depressed etc, but he'll get over it eventually.

 

[ilovenewyork]

But we are 18, he has the rest of his life ahead of him. Are you sure he won't get over me? There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Yes but you're his fish. People get very attached. He won't get over it. Always wondering what he could've done differently and what you two would have become. Maybe you would have had a family

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Yes but you're his fish. People get very attached. He won't get over it. Always wondering what he could've done differently and what you two would have become. Maybe you would have had a family

In my suicide note I made sure to say that it's not his fault. Because it isn't, he really does bring me joy and makes me see the light inside this darkness. But I'm just in too much pain. In my note(haven't given this to him yet, I'm not even sure if I'll ctb, just writing the notes to be prepared) I made it very clear that there is nothing he could've done to stop me, and not to beat himself up, wondering "what if" this and that. That he did all he could, and that even though he can't stop me from committing suicide, he pushed that date farther and farther away. It feels like my suicide is inevitable, and a matter of when instead of if. He changed the when to be much farther away than it would be if we had never met.

To be honest, almost all people will move on. It will be really hard on him. He'll be depressed etc, but he'll get over it eventually.

This is what I'm hoping for. If I knew this, it would be much easier to go through with it, I'm just scared of hurting him, especially permanently. If I could predict the future and see that he moves on and goes on to live a happy life, then I'd be able to ctb, but I can't see the future. What if I leave a hole in his heart that will never be filled? I don't want to leave him in pain. I don't want to put someone else in pain just because of my own pain. And I would really miss him if I ctb :(

Yes but you're his fish. People get very attached. He won't get over it. Always wondering what he could've done differently and what you two would have become. Maybe you would have had a family

We plan to get married in a couple years, I really
believe we have a bright future together. I'm just not sure if I can handle this pain for that long. It's not his fault. He didn't do anything that caused this, my brain is all messed up. I grew up abused and it was all downhill from there.

 

[ilovenewyork]

How about getting some therapy? You can always go back to your old plan if it doesn't work out. What have you got to lose?

You know you could be missing out on a really special pleasant future. Why let one problem derail your plans? Sometimes all you need is to take a pill in the morning and these feelings will go away.

Maybe do it for him. Because the truth is he won't recover if you die and will be sad the rest of his days

 

[sohopelessandempty]

How about getting some therapy? You can always go back to your old plan if it doesn't work out. What have you got to lose?

You know you could be missing out on a really special pleasant future. Why let one problem derail your plans? Sometimes all you need is to take a pill in the morning and these feelings will go away.

Maybe do it for him. Because the truth is he won't recover if you die and will be sad the rest of his days

I'm already in therapy. Trying meds soon hopefully but it probably won't help. Nothing could make this pain go away, it's not just one problem, it's a million reasons that life is so agonizing and painful. But I'll stay if leaving means he'll be sad for the rest of his days like you said.

 

[not yet]

If the love between you two is truly that strong, it will be incredibly difficult for him to recover. A soulmate isn't like a fish you can catch; finding one is the greatest stroke of luck. It would be sad if your future was ruined, even from the perspective of a stranger like me. Although at the same time, I can't be sure how much of a part of his life you are and how much he values the uniqueness of your existence

 

[rs929]

I think nobody really knows how it will impact him long term.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

He'll most likely never forget you. He'll die a lot to have lived a little with you.
But in the end, if you can accept and grieve that possible outcome for him, I wish you peace in whatever decision you chose.

 

[Frxtagooox]

I'm really glad you said this out loud. It shows how deeply you care and how conflicted you're feeling.
I want to be very clear and gentle with you.

People who lose someone they love to suicide don't just "get over it." Many do keep living, and some do heal in certain ways, but the loss usually stays with them for life. It often changes who they are, how they love, how safe the world feels. Partners especially tend to carry a lot of unanswered questions and guilt, even when it wasn't their fault. The pain doesn't disappear; it just gets carried.

And the fact that you're worrying about him right now tells me something important: your life matters to him, and it matters in ways that can't be replaced. If staying alive feels hard, staying alive for now because of love is still a real and valid reason.

I also want to say this:
The part of you that thinks about hurting yourself isn't you wanting to die, it's you wanting the pain to stop. Those are not the same thing.

You don't have to decide anything about the future today. You only have to get through this moment safely.

If calling feels like too much, could you message your boyfriend, a close friend, or a family member and just say:

"I'm not okay and I need you right now."

You don't have to explain everything.

Let me ask you one important question, and you can answer honestly:
Are you safe right now, or are you feeling at risk of hurting yourself in this moment?

I'm here with you. You're not weak for feeling this way, and you're not a burden for needing help.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

No , leaving a significant other will forever change them .... it's happened 3 times to me and I've been in and out of the hospital for years with failed attempts.

My advice would be to address this directly with him...

 

[sohopelessandempty]

If the love between you two is truly that strong, it will be incredibly difficult for him to recover. A soulmate isn't like a fish you can catch; finding one is the greatest stroke of luck. It would be sad if your future was ruined, even from the perspective of a stranger like me. Although at the same time, I can't be sure how much of a part of his life you are and how much he values the uniqueness of your existence

I won't do it then. I choose to keep living, I love him too much to make him suffer.

No , leaving a significant other will forever change them .... it's happened 3 times to me and I've been in and out of the hospital for years with failed attempts.

My advice would be to address this directly with him...

No, I already know what he'll say. I've just been in a lot of pain. I won't do it, I don't want him to be scarred forever.

 

[ipmanwc0]

There is no such thing as a soulmate, it's actually a harmful idea. Anyone can be special to you, so long as you decide that they are.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

There is no such thing as a soulmate, it's actually a harmful idea. Anyone can be special to you, so long as you decide that they are.

Agree to disagree. I think soulmates are real, but not always in the way they're portrayed in movies and such. And you're right that anyone can be special to someone, if they decide that person is.