Tobacco
Efilist. Possible promortalist.
- Jan 14, 2023
- 279
Hello everyone.
I was very well recovered from intense suicidal thoughts for months. Though I had what I could describe as depression walking behind me, following me closely. I've been 10 months at this job and now I got used to it and not having enough time for myself is starting to get painful. I've been fighting semi-conciously tooth and nail to not think a lot about it just to avoid the constant desire to die.
It was all well, I had started coping with meditation for around 20 days already until it happened. My mother took around 2 hours of my time from last saturday so she could do other stuff but it had proven to be very disturbing to me. I didn't know at the time how important was to me to have uninterrupted leisure time after every work week. So yeah, I was pretty upset. While I was sweeping the rooftop as she ordered me, I could only think of jumping head first from there. All of this might seem ridiculous to some, but it all boils down to: why do we have to work so much to get only little crumbs of pleasure?
So yes, I'm planning to be honest to my psychiatrist today about it. I don't know if he would call the emergency services on me or not, but I'm trying not to care. If I get commited for some time, I for sure will use it to meditate.
I was very well recovered from intense suicidal thoughts for months. Though I had what I could describe as depression walking behind me, following me closely. I've been 10 months at this job and now I got used to it and not having enough time for myself is starting to get painful. I've been fighting semi-conciously tooth and nail to not think a lot about it just to avoid the constant desire to die.
It was all well, I had started coping with meditation for around 20 days already until it happened. My mother took around 2 hours of my time from last saturday so she could do other stuff but it had proven to be very disturbing to me. I didn't know at the time how important was to me to have uninterrupted leisure time after every work week. So yeah, I was pretty upset. While I was sweeping the rooftop as she ordered me, I could only think of jumping head first from there. All of this might seem ridiculous to some, but it all boils down to: why do we have to work so much to get only little crumbs of pleasure?
So yes, I'm planning to be honest to my psychiatrist today about it. I don't know if he would call the emergency services on me or not, but I'm trying not to care. If I get commited for some time, I for sure will use it to meditate.
