baller
"such is life"
- Apr 30, 2024
- 55
Idk what really describes my like constant emotions rn so im just gonna write it all down and hope its legible.
It feels like SI and im not even close to CTB yet, im around 3 years from when i plan it
But just saying that, writing that, thinking that, 3 more years. Idk it feels surreal because when i planned it, the date seemed soso far away and now im like halfway there. Am i wasting the time i got left? because when i am happy and with my friends, it's like "wow, maybe they'll look back on this moment when im gone" or when im with my sister who i love its like "Wow, In 3 years, i leave her" and it feels odd.
I know i wanna ctb, I dont have anything great ahead of me, i dont wanna live and struggle. but sometimes im like "what if it just becomes better soon?"
I know it wont. and in the end, when im dead, i wont care about my family or my friends or what could've been
But i dunno, is what im feeling some sort of survival instinct? maybe its just because videogames are holding me together right now, and thats so sad and pathetic and something i cant do for the rest of my life but it really does keep me from going down a pit. maybe im just overreacting bc i reckon i'd extend my stay if my fav game's sequel came out with a release date
Does anyone relate? does anyone know what the feeling is?
It feels like SI and im not even close to CTB yet, im around 3 years from when i plan it
But just saying that, writing that, thinking that, 3 more years. Idk it feels surreal because when i planned it, the date seemed soso far away and now im like halfway there. Am i wasting the time i got left? because when i am happy and with my friends, it's like "wow, maybe they'll look back on this moment when im gone" or when im with my sister who i love its like "Wow, In 3 years, i leave her" and it feels odd.
I know i wanna ctb, I dont have anything great ahead of me, i dont wanna live and struggle. but sometimes im like "what if it just becomes better soon?"
I know it wont. and in the end, when im dead, i wont care about my family or my friends or what could've been
But i dunno, is what im feeling some sort of survival instinct? maybe its just because videogames are holding me together right now, and thats so sad and pathetic and something i cant do for the rest of my life but it really does keep me from going down a pit. maybe im just overreacting bc i reckon i'd extend my stay if my fav game's sequel came out with a release date
Does anyone relate? does anyone know what the feeling is?
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