Blank_
Member
- May 6, 2023
- 47
I really thought that I've made peace with myself and that I was ready to leave. I know that I'm a burden, I know that there's not a single thing in the world that would still be able to mend me.
When it was time to go, however, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The horrible feeling that everyone was finally abandoning me came back. I realized that there will be no relief at the end, there won't be a phone call or spare message, there won't be anyone waiting for me there to tell me goodbye, to say that everything is how it's meant to be, that they understand, that I was finally understood, that I can finally let go.
Will anyone remember me? Will they think of me as a nuisance? It's the one thing I was always afraid of, to be hated, misunderstood, forgotten. I just wanted to be and feel useful, I just wanted to prove to myself that I had some kind of worth as a human being, that I could be appreciated and welcomed and loved. I wanted to be kept in someone's thoughts in the same way I always kept others in mine. I've tried and tried over and over again, but in the end I just couldn't help but be forgotten. Not that I blame anyone for it, I can only blame myself. I just wish I wouldn't care anymore.
When it was time to go, however, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The horrible feeling that everyone was finally abandoning me came back. I realized that there will be no relief at the end, there won't be a phone call or spare message, there won't be anyone waiting for me there to tell me goodbye, to say that everything is how it's meant to be, that they understand, that I was finally understood, that I can finally let go.
Will anyone remember me? Will they think of me as a nuisance? It's the one thing I was always afraid of, to be hated, misunderstood, forgotten. I just wanted to be and feel useful, I just wanted to prove to myself that I had some kind of worth as a human being, that I could be appreciated and welcomed and loved. I wanted to be kept in someone's thoughts in the same way I always kept others in mine. I've tried and tried over and over again, but in the end I just couldn't help but be forgotten. Not that I blame anyone for it, I can only blame myself. I just wish I wouldn't care anymore.
