I wish I were assexual

[The Disqualified]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

 

[_Gollum_]

Felt. The sexual impulse is the worst thing about humans, and the worst part about being human. I wish I had never felt an inkling of desire.

 

[sashaisalone]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I used to feel similarly but it was pertained to confusion about my gender identity and the fact that my sexual urges were masculine on testosterone. Probably something different in your case, so don't think I'm egging you lol.

Is this something you've talked about with a therapist at all? Also do you have rituals you engage in that make the feelings or intrusive thoughts about it go away?

 

[tonicer]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

 

[zrk]

Relate to this. Sexuality is so degrading and animalistic.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

You know, I feel like I kinda achieved it. I can't bond with anyone anymore, I can't have feelings of any kind… In part because of this poison I have to take, but I feel a strong repulsion towards people naturally anyway.

 

[The Disqualified]

I wish i was asexual too but for the exact opposite reason. I would give my left eye to just get a hug from a woman. I am a 43 year old KHHV and i don't know how much longer i can take it.

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

 

[sashaisalone]

So you are like involuntarily celibate? Are you neurodivergent? What you said seems very sad. Being 43 years old and never having had these experiences despite wishing so. I am here if you wish to talk <3.
I empathize with you.

I don't know exactly what to say about my relationship with women given that it is essentially null. I have one or two female acquaintances I talk to regularly. One of them is closer and I can talk with her more about things. I don't see myself living, much less having a relationship with a woman. They intimidate me, even more than the males. I am a failure and a loser. I don't see why anyone would feel attracted to me. All my qualities are defects in the human society, this is why I want to escape to somewhere else so desperately.

My relationship with human beings in general is very strained, my relationship with women is perhaps even more so. I really have no idea how their lives are like and have had minimal contact with them my whole life. This female friend of mine is the closest I've ever gone to knowing more about them and how they see the world. I empathize with them, but in a distant way.

They seem even more distant and elusive than the males. I really never had any sort of deep connection to a woman whatsoever now that I think about it. I have had a few deep conversations with men, but can't recall any with a woman. We really are very distant. I dread that in a way. I wish I had had more female friends and experiences growing up, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up disqualified in that case. The loner loser male is a horrible social archetype — I don't recommend it. I've definitely suffered cruelty at the hands of socially integrated people due do that, but I understand it is bigger than them.

I don't see ourselves reconciling. I've connected closer to a few men in my life, it made me feel less alone, but I never connected deeply to any women. Though I do empathize with them, though, again, in a distant way unfortunately.

In any case, I just wished I were assexual and didn't feel any sort of sexual desire towards women. The sheer idea of having sex with a woman seems eerie to me. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a woman. I wouldn't say it is a reason I want to ctb. My strained relationship with women is just part of the bigger problem that is my alienation from human beings in general. I really dread that, truthfully.
I just wish I could die now. But I have to go there again to suffer more.

I imagine human beings would laugh and mock me for being like that. These issues aren't really taken much seriously. Having sex and relationships with women is a big deal for males apparently. It was always a hot topic among the men I lived with. But I don't care really.
Anyway, sending virtual hugs.

I'm curious. How old are you?

Also, I'm very curious about the whys. Let's say hypothetically, a woman had a crush on you, but she was somewhat sexually conservative, and wanted courtship to be nonsexual at least initially. How would that make you feel? Like holding her hand, feeling her gaze, feeling wanted, etc.?

 

[phantomisgone]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

I'm Asexual. A lot of times in my life, I've actually dreaded it b/c people called me weird as if there is something wrong w/ me. Since I tend to prioritize friends more than having a significant other, my friends start to think I'm weird.

It's actually brought me a grief in my life. You realize where people will eventually abandon you just to get one single lover. You are not the priority anymore b/c you cannot offer them what they "need" / want.

You just watch people come & go & eventually, become isolated.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Eh, im still dying of being completly and utterly starved of affection, it's not that great.

 

[PanaxMan]

I wish I were assexual.
I wish I did not have any sort of sexual desire or attraction or anything of that sort. I dread it.
If it were so, I would be able to live in my loneliness more in peace. I dread this biological fact.
I wish I could just cut contact with human beings. Our relation is just too strained at this point. I don't think we ever will be able to reconcile ourselves, truthfully.

Just seeing anything sexual makes me want to vomit in disgust. I feel nauseous looking at it. There is something about that. I cannot imagine people doing that act. I feel disgusted the more I think about it. I feel incapable of doing that. I just want to run away. The world is too scary of a place. I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed. I feel disgusted. I need to find my peace.

This honestly makes sense and I wish I could feel the same. Maybe with my wording economic status it'll become more natural but if stuff happens to go up well there's goes my sex drive