i wish i could kill myself right now

[depthss]

i cant take it anymore, i wish i could just kill myself, but theres too many people awake here now. i know how bad of an idea impulse attempts are, i know for sure ill be found within half an hour if i try. but i dont know how much longer i can wait. ive already been putting it off for months for someone else, and i dont think i can keep doing that. i just need to be alone so i can do it. i cant stand looking at myself, every time i look down, look in a mirror, or even think about what i look like, im disgusted. i cannot keep my composure, i need to isolate myself from everyone because i cant act normal long enough to be around other people. every second theres a chance that i could remember the way i am and i lose my mind completely. i am always so stressed and angry and agitated and everything makes it worse, everything reminds me of the way i am, i dont want to live like this. i dont know how much longer ill be around before i get the chance to do it, so im planning to try and make my body slightly more bearable until then. i have some things to order to try and fix myself a little bit, but i need to know how to use them first. i stopped cutting for someone else but could only make it 3 weeks and now im starting again but around my chest this time, and i want to work up to being able to cut the whole thing off, but ill probably be dead befpre then. i feel like im losing my mind, i domt know how much longer i can live like this, every second is so agonizing

 

[DivineSpark]

If I would have a gun right now, I would do it, no doubt, no regrets. I have suffered enough. I kinda envy americans, they have such easy access to firearms. In my country, it is almost impossible to get firearms. I would shoot myself into heart.

 

[depthss]

If I would have a gun right now, I would do it, no doubt, no regrets. I have suffered enough. I kinda envy americans, they have such easy access to firearms. In my country, it is almost impossible to get firearms. I would shoot myself into heart.

yeah me too, i know that if i had access to something that would take me out so quickly, i would not hesitate to use it

 

[futurecorpse]

If I had my sn already, I would've already attempted to ctb. Waiting for it to be delivered is incredibly agonizing I don't feel comfortable with any other method, so continuing to wait is all I can do right now

 

[dead dav]

yeah me too, i know that if i had access to something that would take me out so quickly, i would not hesitate to use it

God yes a gun would be good quick effective