Venting i want to get worse

[favouriteworstolive]

i feel so wrong when i wish i could be worse. i've had objectively an amazing life and yet i still sit here wishing something bad was happening to me. maybe living in such repetition makes me want that, but even when things are different the feeling just doesn't go. i wanna be hurting more than i am. i cut everyday and like it doesn't feel valid anymore. i feel so numb all the time, nothing reaches me. i want to be worse than i am, and it's less about wanting to be seen and helped—because at one point it was—but it's now just the fact that i can't fucking stand living in my own head anymore. i rot all day and watch random bs to stay away from my head because i genuinely feel like i am not a person. like i don't have a personality or things i actively wanna chase anymore. i have hobbies, but i never do them anymore unless i have to. everything i "enjoy" is labeled as such because they did bring me joy at some point, and now i only end up doing them out of obligation or in a futile attempt to spark the dead flame. i don't know what's wrong with me. i just want to get worse and worse and for things to be so unbearable in my external and internal world that i find the guts and determination to ctb.

 

[Salkak]

Same. Even I wish at times I get worse. For me it's to stop caring about people and finally have the courage to do it.

 

[favouriteworstolive]

Same. Even I wish at times I get worse. For me it's to stop caring about people and finally have the courage to do it.

that's so real :( we're in this together man

 

[blackreality]

yeah sometimes i would feel like i want to get worse to prove how bad i feel to everyone and get the final push to ctb

 

[WallTermite]

I wanna get worse because ctb is badass in my stupid brain.

 

[favouriteworstolive]

yeah sometimes i would feel like i want to get worse to prove how bad i feel to everyone and get the final push to ctb

so realll i relate so much.

I wanna get worse because ctb is badass in my stupid brain.

i also get this. it's like. cool ina weird way. it's like proof you're kinda the "worst" you could be and kinda validates all ur feeling. to me that's why my monkey brain finds it cool. also probably the edgy part of me that planted itself in my brain at 10yrs old lmao