favouriteworstolive
ol
- Aug 6, 2026
- 6
i feel so wrong when i wish i could be worse. i've had objectively an amazing life and yet i still sit here wishing something bad was happening to me. maybe living in such repetition makes me want that, but even when things are different the feeling just doesn't go. i wanna be hurting more than i am. i cut everyday and like it doesn't feel valid anymore. i feel so numb all the time, nothing reaches me. i want to be worse than i am, and it's less about wanting to be seen and helped—because at one point it was—but it's now just the fact that i can't fucking stand living in my own head anymore. i rot all day and watch random bs to stay away from my head because i genuinely feel like i am not a person. like i don't have a personality or things i actively wanna chase anymore. i have hobbies, but i never do them anymore unless i have to. everything i "enjoy" is labeled as such because they did bring me joy at some point, and now i only end up doing them out of obligation or in a futile attempt to spark the dead flame. i don't know what's wrong with me. i just want to get worse and worse and for things to be so unbearable in my external and internal world that i find the guts and determination to ctb.
