deadanddecomposing
Member
- Dec 2, 2025
- 49
I don't really have anyone I'd feel comfortable going to about this, so I guess I'm writing my issues here. If you do read through this, thank you so much. I'm feeling pretty awful these days.
My bird has been getting worse. I've been trying to keep them from getting hormonal, but now they've laid a clutch twice now this year. If they lay a third clutch, it can kill them. I switched their daylight hours from 10 hours to 8 hours, I removed their larger-sized food bowl and replaced it with something they can't fit their body into, no mirrors obviously, I've been giving them calcium supplements as egg-laying uses a lot of calcium, I've almost completely removed seeds from their diet, and so on. Still, they're lethargic and hormonal and I feel like I'm failing them.
I don't think I can handle them dying. I took them to the vet after the first clutch and got calcium supplements for them, but while I was away and my friend was looking after them, they laid another clutch. I don't think I can afford to take them to the vet again. Last time it was $600 and I don't have that kind of money.
My friend, as grateful as I am, has just been making it worse. He keeps saying that they don't look good (I know), suggesting changes from AI advice (I'll take veterinarian advice over AI and the advice AI has given me has, after doing my own research, often been very wrong and makes things worse), and he's just making me more anxious. Any moment I have a reprieve from thinking about it, he reminds me and starts trying to find different things to change in their cage. It feels like they think I'm not doing enough. I know they're just trying to help, but it's making me feel worse.
Past three weeks were terrible, working an awful job where I had limited access to my psychiatric and migraine medications and worked from the second I woke up until the moment I got to fall asleep in the middle of nowhere hours from any civilization. My family was very dismissive and I feel especially betrayed by my mother. When I got there and saw the living and working conditions, I wanted to quit immediately so they'd have time to find a replacement. My mom said, "I haven't been disappointed in you a lot, but this will be the first time I'm truly disappointed in you." I got no spine so I stayed and worked those three weeks.
I was doing better mentally before, but I just want to die now. It feels like all the progress I made crumbled to dust. Whenever I tried to bring up the poor conditions, she spoke to me like she was talking someone delusional down. That's so often how it is with her. I've learned not to trust myself because my family has hammered into my head that I can't make decisions on my own. I'm treated like I'm crazy by my family and I can't help but wonder if I am, but none of my friends think so, so I don't know. I was told "This is for the best," when I caved and said I'd stay.
This is going to sound messed up, but I honestly want to get worse just to prove to her that maybe I was right about this being a bad situation to put me in. It doesn't help I've been really inconsistent with my medication thanks to the place, but now that I'm home, I'm tempted to just go off them completely. I know better than to do that, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted.
Having my friend live in my place (it's temporary) has been very stressful. I like him just fine, but I don't want to socialize 24/7. I like spending most of my time with just myself. I can't stand hanging out with people constantly. It's gotten to the point where just seeing him leaves me feeling irritated, which isn't fair considering all he's done for me. I feel like I don't have the space to recoup.
I'm also not doing great financially. I got paid barely anything for the work I did and my usual job doesn't run in the summer, so I've just been bleeding money. I just keep failing at being an adult. I still haven't payed my fall semester bill. I keep spending money on junk food, which is pretty embarrassing. I know it's destroying me, but it also makes me feel less bad. I've been drinking too, but not consistently cause I don't love the feeling. I'm outta weed and I don't think it's smart to buy more right now since it's so expensive.
I want to kill myself, but supplies are expensive and my family would notice anything odd being mailed here. I'm stuck here for now, but if my bird actually does die, I'm ending it one way or another.
For reference, this is my beautiful birdie
My bird has been getting worse. I've been trying to keep them from getting hormonal, but now they've laid a clutch twice now this year. If they lay a third clutch, it can kill them. I switched their daylight hours from 10 hours to 8 hours, I removed their larger-sized food bowl and replaced it with something they can't fit their body into, no mirrors obviously, I've been giving them calcium supplements as egg-laying uses a lot of calcium, I've almost completely removed seeds from their diet, and so on. Still, they're lethargic and hormonal and I feel like I'm failing them.
I don't think I can handle them dying. I took them to the vet after the first clutch and got calcium supplements for them, but while I was away and my friend was looking after them, they laid another clutch. I don't think I can afford to take them to the vet again. Last time it was $600 and I don't have that kind of money.
My friend, as grateful as I am, has just been making it worse. He keeps saying that they don't look good (I know), suggesting changes from AI advice (I'll take veterinarian advice over AI and the advice AI has given me has, after doing my own research, often been very wrong and makes things worse), and he's just making me more anxious. Any moment I have a reprieve from thinking about it, he reminds me and starts trying to find different things to change in their cage. It feels like they think I'm not doing enough. I know they're just trying to help, but it's making me feel worse.
Past three weeks were terrible, working an awful job where I had limited access to my psychiatric and migraine medications and worked from the second I woke up until the moment I got to fall asleep in the middle of nowhere hours from any civilization. My family was very dismissive and I feel especially betrayed by my mother. When I got there and saw the living and working conditions, I wanted to quit immediately so they'd have time to find a replacement. My mom said, "I haven't been disappointed in you a lot, but this will be the first time I'm truly disappointed in you." I got no spine so I stayed and worked those three weeks.
I was doing better mentally before, but I just want to die now. It feels like all the progress I made crumbled to dust. Whenever I tried to bring up the poor conditions, she spoke to me like she was talking someone delusional down. That's so often how it is with her. I've learned not to trust myself because my family has hammered into my head that I can't make decisions on my own. I'm treated like I'm crazy by my family and I can't help but wonder if I am, but none of my friends think so, so I don't know. I was told "This is for the best," when I caved and said I'd stay.
This is going to sound messed up, but I honestly want to get worse just to prove to her that maybe I was right about this being a bad situation to put me in. It doesn't help I've been really inconsistent with my medication thanks to the place, but now that I'm home, I'm tempted to just go off them completely. I know better than to do that, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted.
Having my friend live in my place (it's temporary) has been very stressful. I like him just fine, but I don't want to socialize 24/7. I like spending most of my time with just myself. I can't stand hanging out with people constantly. It's gotten to the point where just seeing him leaves me feeling irritated, which isn't fair considering all he's done for me. I feel like I don't have the space to recoup.
I'm also not doing great financially. I got paid barely anything for the work I did and my usual job doesn't run in the summer, so I've just been bleeding money. I just keep failing at being an adult. I still haven't payed my fall semester bill. I keep spending money on junk food, which is pretty embarrassing. I know it's destroying me, but it also makes me feel less bad. I've been drinking too, but not consistently cause I don't love the feeling. I'm outta weed and I don't think it's smart to buy more right now since it's so expensive.
I want to kill myself, but supplies are expensive and my family would notice anything odd being mailed here. I'm stuck here for now, but if my bird actually does die, I'm ending it one way or another.
For reference, this is my beautiful birdie
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my pets are everything to me and I adore animals generally so I have a little bit of an understanding of how difficult the thought of losing them is.
