lonely_potato
Member
- Aug 23, 2026
- 13
I've been struggling with agoraphobia for the past 5 or 6 years. COVID was the start of it, but then I came out as trans and for a very brief moment life seemed like it was going to get better. I had finally come out to myself and to my family, and while it was difficult I felt so much peace from the decision. I was finally able to live in the body I wanted since puberty. Transitioning was the best decision I ever made for myself.
Unfortunately it's a cruel world. My agoraphobia which started with COVID became much worse when I started to be regularly harassed and assaulted. I've lost count of how many times I've been sexually assaulted over the course of my life, and while that started before I came out as trans, it got much worse after I came out.
I'm constantly so afraid of the world. I don't trust anyone. I literally have no friends in real life - I have one friend I keep in touch with via texting but unfortunately only get to see them about once a year because we live in different places.
I'm so tired. I spend so much of my time just trying to get enough energy to do the basics: bathe, brush my teeth, eat, and take my meds, if I remember to do all of them. I rarely go out, and I skip meals a lot to save money and so I don't have to go outside. I'm miserable. My family thinks I'm doing better, because in some ways I am. I've been in therapy for years and it's helped a lot with my self harm. But every year, it seems like life gets harder. And I'm just done trying. I feel some amount of envy when I see other queer people out and about because I wish I had that courage, but I don't. And it feels like I'll always just be this frightened, anxious woman who can't even shower without PTSD.
I haven't picked a date yet, but I've decided. It's time. I don't honestly see life improving. Ironically, I want to make one last trip. Even though I have a hard time getting out, I'm working up the energy to get out one last time and visit the ocean and then walk into the waves. My fear of drowning doesn't outweigh my fear of this life anymore. I believe in an afterlife, so I can only hope that I will find some amount of peace when I go. And at the very least, be able to go out as myself, as the person I truly am.
Anywho.... thanks for reading if you made it this far. I've been here before over the years but this is my first time making an account. I see there's other trans people here. My inbox is always open to other trans people if you wanna say hi. :)
Unfortunately it's a cruel world. My agoraphobia which started with COVID became much worse when I started to be regularly harassed and assaulted. I've lost count of how many times I've been sexually assaulted over the course of my life, and while that started before I came out as trans, it got much worse after I came out.
I'm constantly so afraid of the world. I don't trust anyone. I literally have no friends in real life - I have one friend I keep in touch with via texting but unfortunately only get to see them about once a year because we live in different places.
I'm so tired. I spend so much of my time just trying to get enough energy to do the basics: bathe, brush my teeth, eat, and take my meds, if I remember to do all of them. I rarely go out, and I skip meals a lot to save money and so I don't have to go outside. I'm miserable. My family thinks I'm doing better, because in some ways I am. I've been in therapy for years and it's helped a lot with my self harm. But every year, it seems like life gets harder. And I'm just done trying. I feel some amount of envy when I see other queer people out and about because I wish I had that courage, but I don't. And it feels like I'll always just be this frightened, anxious woman who can't even shower without PTSD.
I haven't picked a date yet, but I've decided. It's time. I don't honestly see life improving. Ironically, I want to make one last trip. Even though I have a hard time getting out, I'm working up the energy to get out one last time and visit the ocean and then walk into the waves. My fear of drowning doesn't outweigh my fear of this life anymore. I believe in an afterlife, so I can only hope that I will find some amount of peace when I go. And at the very least, be able to go out as myself, as the person I truly am.
Anywho.... thanks for reading if you made it this far. I've been here before over the years but this is my first time making an account. I see there's other trans people here. My inbox is always open to other trans people if you wanna say hi. :)
