I took my SN yesterday. Willing to answer questions

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I'm so sorry you've had this experience. It takes so much courage to go ahead with an attempt. It must feel utterly crushing when it doesn't succeed.

With regards to your friend that knew about the attempt- I know it's going to be hard for you and them. Still- they do sound to be very understanding- if you were able to share such a difficult thing in the first place. It likely will be an emotional rollercoaster for them but they are your friend- and they know how you were/are suffering. I expect they would want to be there for you. I hope the conversation isn't as bad as you think it will be.

I'm so sorry you are going through this experience but at the same time, I am selfishly so thankful to people like you who share your experiences.

I do have a question- if you don't mind? Was the trachycardia worse than doing strenuous exercise? It tends to be that and the breathlessness that makes me think I might panic. I have experienced minor symptoms like that in a gallstone attack and it was horrible. I've considered buying a small oxygen tank to maybe ease the panic, although I don't really know if that would help. Was it a feeling like you couldn't get enough air in?

I really hope the discomfort subsides soon and you are able to take some time to rest and recover.

Honestly, I am finding these recent failure threads very worrying. I do understand why people are becoming so distraught by them. I do also understand the paranoia that SOME of these threads may not be genuine but rather- some pro life scare tactic. Not saying yours is at all.

Still- everyone- can't we just be kind to the OP? If they are willing to discuss their experience- be grateful and ask the questions you want. I think we all try and become detectives when it fails- to try and work out why- which can help going forward I guess. Still- if you don't believe them- isn't it better just to ignore the thread?

Calling them out to be a liar is pretty insensitive when you have no way of proving it. They COULD well have just gone through the most frightening experience of their life. They're utterly alone- so they come on here to find comfort and maybe 'help' others and get greeted with this! Sorry but it really troubles me.

I guess I'm also wondering why it failed. It does seem like following a strict protocol is more likely to result in a successful attempt. Yet, people have succeeded without it. I'm starting to wonder if it is/will be like a helium thing- when manufacturers realised people were using it to CTB, they started adding a percentage of oxygen. I'm not a chemist or anything but I wonder if they could/will do something equivalent with SN one day.

Anyway, I hope you don't get any long term side effects. I hope you are able to reconcile with your friend. Thank you for being so open about your experience. All the best to you.

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it.
I'll try to answer your question about the tachycardia. I had taken a couple of propranolol which I think eased it, but it was still noticeable. Very much like having a panic attack I think. I was in a very calm frame of mind, and found it to be bearable, as I knew in my head where the road I was taking led and I wanted that. So that got me through.

I do understand though how that might cause people distress and a change of heart. It was definitely the worst of the symptoms I encountered. But I was past the point of panic. I feel like I was in the eye of a storm so to speak. It felt right to me.

I do understand though how that might cause people distress and a change of heart. It was definitely the worst of the symptoms I encountered. But I was past the point of panic. I feel like I was in the eye of a storm so to speak. It felt right to me.

Truth is. I think the worst part for me is still being here now. This wasn't a cry for help. This wasn't looking for attention. I wanted to die. I believed I was dying. And I was perfectly ok with that. I've always feared death about as much as I've longed for it, but the fear had completely gone in those moments, however long they were.
Now that fear is back. Fear of the world I've woken up in. How people will react. What will happen to my life now. That's the worst part. I'm sat here alone, full of sadness, and anger and humiliation. And I don't know what to do with any of it. The only time I can focus elsewhere is when I'm replying here. It's all so fucked up

I'm so sorry you've had this experience. It takes so much courage to go ahead with an attempt. It must feel utterly crushing when it doesn't succeed.

With regards to your friend that knew about the attempt- I know it's going to be hard for you and them. Still- they do sound to be very understanding- if you were able to share such a difficult thing in the first place. It likely will be an emotional rollercoaster for them but they are your friend- and they know how you were/are suffering. I expect they would want to be there for you. I hope the conversation isn't as bad as you think it will be.

I'm so sorry you are going through this experience but at the same time, I am selfishly so thankful to people like you who share your experiences.

I do have a question- if you don't mind? Was the trachycardia worse than doing strenuous exercise? It tends to be that and the breathlessness that makes me think I might panic. I have experienced minor symptoms like that in a gallstone attack and it was horrible. I've considered buying a small oxygen tank to maybe ease the panic, although I don't really know if that would help. Was it a feeling like you couldn't get enough air in?

I really hope the discomfort subsides soon and you are able to take some time to rest and recover.

Honestly, I am finding these recent failure threads very worrying. I do understand why people are becoming so distraught by them. I do also understand the paranoia that SOME of these threads may not be genuine but rather- some pro life scare tactic. Not saying yours is at all.

Still- everyone- can't we just be kind to the OP? If they are willing to discuss their experience- be grateful and ask the questions you want. I think we all try and become detectives when it fails- to try and work out why- which can help going forward I guess. Still- if you don't believe them- isn't it better just to ignore the thread?

Calling them out to be a liar is pretty insensitive when you have no way of proving it. They COULD well have just gone through the most frightening experience of their life. They're utterly alone- so they come on here to find comfort and maybe 'help' others and get greeted with this! Sorry but it really troubles me.

I guess I'm also wondering why it failed. It does seem like following a strict protocol is more likely to result in a successful attempt. Yet, people have succeeded without it. I'm starting to wonder if it is/will be like a helium thing- when manufacturers realised people were using it to CTB, they started adding a percentage of oxygen. I'm not a chemist or anything but I wonder if they could/will do something equivalent with SN one day.

Anyway, I hope you don't get any long term side effects. I hope you are able to reconcile with your friend. Thank you for being so open about your experience. All the best to you.

The term friend is used very loosely. I'm very aware that if it were found that this person knew what I was going to do, they could be held accountable as well and I don't want that.
They would do anything to help me, they want so desperately to save me, and the cruelty is that they can't. And I'm causing them so much pain. I've pushed everyone else away and this one person sticks around despite it all and all I'm doing is hurting them as badly as I hurt, whether I intend it or not. Fuck depression. Fuck how the luck of the draw is so cruel to some of us. There's nothing fair about any of this.
I've put other people first my whole life, always tried to give, and be kind regardless of circumstances. And yet I'm here.
Fuck all of it

 

[Lysandre]

Sorry for your state op, not sure if you had your phone call yet, if you haven't then good luck, if you have them i hope it went well.
I'll be willing to trust you.

When have you gotten your hands on the sn? Depending on how recent your acquisition was and on how the product was preserved there are chances it's efficiency might be diminished.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Sorry for your state op, not sure if you had your phone call yet, if you haven't then good luck, if you have them i hope it went well.
I'll be willing to trust you.

When have you gotten your hands on the sn? Depending on how recent your acquisition was and on how the product was preserved there are chances it's efficiency might be diminished.

I got it around two years ago. A few months after my account here was created. It's been stored carefully. And sealed the whole time. Seal was only broken last month when another attempt went sideways, for very different reasons.
I've had the call. And I feel terrible about it but I don't know what I can do. I feel like I'm killing the one person who's trying to support me, but I don't know how to change it or to fix myself. Like whatever I do is wrong. I'm so tired of it all

 

[SamTam33]

...I've had the call. And I feel terrible about it but I don't know what I can do. I feel like I'm killing the one person who's trying to support me, but I don't know how to change it or to fix myself. Like whatever I do is wrong. I'm so tired of it all

That's the worst part of all our stories, I think.

I made the decision to set free all of the people I care about. They can't fix me and I know this. So I've figuratively freed them of the obligation (if it ever existed).

Very few people on this earth are gifted with the power to mentally heal others. And what are the odds that I would know one of them.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

That's the worst part of all our stories, I think.

I made the decision to set free all of the people I care about. They can't fix me and I know this. So I've figuratively freed them of the obligation (if it ever existed).

Very few people on this earth are gifted with the power to mentally heal others. And what are the odds that I would know one of them.

I've pushed away everybody that I can. This last person just refuses to go, and I think they need to, for their own sake. I feel so trapped by it all.
Of course now I'm sat in an empty house, alone, with all of what's happened swirling around me and I have nobody to talk to. Careful what you wish for I guess

 

[NoLightRemains]

Thanks for answering all the questions, sorry people are calling you a liar. I think it's a tragic mix of SN not quite pure enough + dose not measured accurately + maybe some biological/genetic component (such as increased levels of methemoglobin reductase or impaired absorption) causing the less than lethal dose. I hope things improve for you soon.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Thanks for answering all the questions, sorry people are calling you a liar. I think it's a tragic mix of SN not quite pure enough + dose not measured accurately + maybe some biological/genetic component (such as increased levels of methemobin reductase or impaired absorption) causing the less than lethal dose. I hope things improve for you soon.

Thank you. I've been as honest as I can. I don't know why things have turned out this way. I have always been strangely resilient, don't know if that affects anything.
Things won't improve for me sadly, I think it's just a waiting game now before I go again. My life is in free fall and I have nothing left to hold on to. I'm so tired and it just feels empty.

 

[TAW122]

As someone who hasn't tried the SN method I cannot comment on the specifics and what not as I know even less than the ones who studied it in closer detail and have done thorough homework on it. However, I will give my support and camaraderie as I've experienced similar situations before. Without making it all about me, I will say that I was in similar situations (not for having attempted but deferring too long) that circumstances in my life became less than ideal for me to CTB or even make my move. My method is a firearm and that would be a near guarantee (if done right) but I just don't have immediate access anymore due to my life circumstances.

So in a sense, we are in a similar boat of suffering, we both want to go but couldn't due to different barriers that prevent us from doing so.

Anyways, I do have some questions, mainly focused on the aftermath as I think that is what is most important now is to minimize the fallout (should there be any) as much as you can. After failure, did the person (or people) who you said your goodbyes try to follow up or check in on you? Did emergency services get involved? (Hopefully not) Any plans on what method you will be using in the future (if you know at this moment, if not, then it's ok)? I hope that nothing worse comes out of this ordeal, as I can also relate to being alive past what you wish for is pure torture, especially when you expect to be gone sooner. I felt that way since 2019, moreso in 2020, and even to this day, 2022, I too am weary of existence. Sending you hugs from the US.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

As someone who hasn't tried the SN method I cannot comment on the specifics and what not as I know even less than the ones who studied it in closer detail and have done thorough homework on it. However, I will give my support and camaraderie as I've experienced similar situations before. Without making it all about me, I will say that I was in similar situations (not for having attempted but deferring too long) that circumstances in my life became less than ideal for me to CTB or even make my move. My method is a firearm and that would be a near guarantee (if done right) but I just don't have immediate access anymore due to my life circumstances.

So in a sense, we are in a similar boat of suffering, we both want to go but couldn't due to different barriers that prevent us from doing so.

Anyways, I do have some questions, mainly focused on the aftermath as I think that is what is most important now is to minimize the fallout (should there be any) as much as you can. After failure, did the person (or people) who you said your goodbyes try to follow up or check in on you? Did emergency services get involved? (Hopefully not) Any plans on what method you will be using in the future (if you know at this moment, if not, then it's ok)? I hope that nothing worse comes out of this ordeal, as I can also relate to being alive past what you wish for is pure torture, especially when you expect to be gone sooner. I felt that way since 2019, moreso in 2020, and even to this day, 2022, I too am weary of existence. Sending you hugs from the US.

Thank you. Much appreciated.
I have spoken to two people who were aware of what I might / was going to do. Not easy conversations.
Emergency services are not involved but I fear they may be soon. This is becoming too much for the one person who has been supporting me with everything they had, and I think they need help themselves. Which will draw attention to me. I can't have that. It's my worst fear. Their idea of help will cause me to lose other things. It's a catch 22 situation where there is no victory available.
I think it'll only be a matter of time before I go again. And I would stick with SN as a method. I'm so disappointed that it hasn't worked this time, but it was peaceful enough, and I didn't suffer much before I passed out.

 

[Raven2]

I'm sorry that's things did not go the way you had hoped. I hope you will take it easy today physically to give your body time to recover.

 

[y0dha]

I tend to be super wary of "failed attempts" but after reading you on this thread and on other threads (i've checked your history) you seem really genuine. So I believe what you say.

I do believe that indeed the SN you took was not pure enough and/or you didn't ingest enough SN for your body.

Anyway I'm sorry it didn't work for you, right now it must be hard, I hope you manage to face of the trials that you'll encounter. Take care and go slowly .

 

[Idontmatter]

everyone is continuing to be skeptical and asking questions but I literally just explained to you that the brand that they used is garbage. I've come across numerous threads in the past of this same brand. Someone even did a blood test the blood test passed but THEY didn't from taking it.
View attachment 102531

It's this garbage.

As long as my sn from DD works I'll be happy

 

[👁️👃👁️]

As long as my sn from DD works I'll be happy

DD is the real stuff..

 

[yuzuchan]

"2days ago I drank 20g of sodium nitrite mixed with water, the taste was so awful I drank 1,5l of water with it. I remembered that I have 50mg of quetiapine, took it and fell asleep. Sadly I woke up after an hour and vomited, but mostly water. Slept again hoping I won't wake up this morning... I did. The worst day of my life. Out of desperation took about 20g of sodium nitrAte [...]"

He says he took nitrite first? Can't be a typo, he even emphasized the A in his second attempt.

Reas down the thread they couldn't get nitrite they tried to make there own using nitrate

 

[Papilio_polyxenes]

I've noticed that both of the failed attempts I've read about recently involve the same SN source.

I almost bought this brand myself - before it got pulled, it was one of the last forms of sodium nitrite available at mainstream retailers. It was also far less expensive than IC.

My biggest nightmare is obviously a failed attempt, medical debt after staying in a hospital with no insurance, and confinement to a psychiatric facility.

I'm also quitting my job on the week of Christmas Eve. Coworkers despise me, so they won't know or care that quitting my job suddenly might be a sign of suicidal ideation.

I need to make sure I follow protocol, use reliable SN, and have a backup method on standby for my attempt. Failure is not an option. My life was hell, and I don't want to "wake up" trapped here again after drinking poison.

 

[IntelligentLeg]

Sorry you went through this. I was questioned to the max regarding my SN failure too. Drink lots of orange juice vitamin C/water will help flush it, if you can.

 

[yuzuchan]

Sorry you went through this. I was questioned to the max regarding my SN failure too. Drink lots of orange juice vitamin C/water will help flush it, if you can.

Hope your feeling better

 

[SamTam33]

I've noticed that both of the failed attempts I've read about recently involve the same SN source.

I almost bought this brand myself - before it got pulled, it was one of the last forms of sodium nitrite available at mainstream retailers. It was also far less expensive than IC.

My biggest nightmare is obviously a failed attempt, medical debt after staying in a hospital with no insurance, and confinement to a psychiatric facility.

I'm also quitting my job on the week of Christmas Eve. Coworkers despise me, so they won't know or care that quitting my job suddenly might be a sign of suicidal ideation.

I need to make sure I follow protocol, use reliable SN, and have a backup method on standby for my attempt. Failure is not an option. My life was hell, and I don't want to "wake up" trapped here again after drinking poison.

I promise I'm not one of those people who goes around giving unsolicited advice, but please, please, please be sure about your ctb before you quit.

Especially if you don't have another support system (financially) and/or won't be able to easily find another job.

I quit and told myself that a year would be plenty enough time to ctb or find other employment. I've done neither.

I ask myself all the time if I would've had the courage to attempt ctb while still employed and I don't know the answer.

If I failed, I wouldn't want my employer to find out because I was hospitalized. But then I tell myself I just wouldn't have gone back.

Anyway, I made one of the hugest mistakes of my life quitting that type of job when I did.

So anytime I see "quit" and "job" in the same sentence, I'm coming running like, "WAAAAIT!"

But I'm sure you've got it covered.

 

[Someone123]

@calavera They used Sodium Nitrate.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-failure.31351/

Thsi pattern of saying that any attempts that don't work is not help[ful to people at all- people need to gather information about successful and failed attem,pts and then make their best judgments about which method to use. Sn is clearly a method that fails a significant percentage of the time, whether people like it or not. Gatehring information about thje detaiuls of successes and failures does help people.

Ok, so this guy says he took two and a half tea spoons. That's around 10.5 grams which is less than half of the recommended 25.

That depends on the deni9sty, whcih varies. WIth the density I have 2.5 teaspoons is 19 grams.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Thsi pattern of saying that any attempts that don't work is not help[ful to people at all- people need to gather information about successful and failed attem,pts and then make their best judgments about which method to use. Sn is clearly a method that fails a significant percentage of the time, whether people like it or not. Gatehring information about thje detaiuls of successes and failures does help people.

That depends on the deni9sty, whcih varies. WIth the density I have 2.5 teaspoons is 19 grams.

What... What are you trying to criticize me for now

Thsi pattern of saying that any attempts that don't work is not help[ful to people at all- people need to gather information about successful and failed attem,pts and then make their best judgments about which method to use. Sn is clearly a method that fails a significant percentage of the time, whether people like it or not. Gatehring information about thje detaiuls of successes and failures does help people.

That depends on the deni9sty, whcih varies. WIth the density I have 2.5 teaspoons is 19 grams.

Well until you provide evidence of it "failing a significant percentage of the time" that's just your opinion. Not based in "scientific fact" like you would say.

 

[Someone123]

Maybe he forgot to add the SN and just drank tap water lol

Ridiculing people who have failed attempts and who are sharing their experiences is really disrespectul. Some people here just put people down and accuse them of lying when they have failed sn attempts, which is a shame. We need to gather experiences about successes and failures, not try to corrupt the data by attacking anyone who has a failed attempt.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Look it's early in the morning where, I'm not in the best mood, I don't feel like going around in circles doing this, which ultimately will leave us in the same position we were before.

The product that OP used is garbage. I've been here since January 21st spending over 16 sometimes up to 20 hours a day reading through threads every single day.

I've come across There were several people that took the exact same brand and didn't die. There was even negative reviews on Amazon. (No I'm not going to go and look for all of those threads againil I'm sorry it's late) if you want to take the name and the lettering that was on the bottle and put it in the search bar on SaSu you might be able to find the threads.

The product they used is garbage. I'm not entertaining this anymore. OP I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you feel better and make it through somehow.

Thsi pattern of saying that any attempts that don't work is not help[ful to people at all- people need to gather information about successful and failed attem,pts and then make their best judgments about which method to use. Sn is clearly a method that fails a significant percentage of the time, whether people like it or not. Gatehring information about thje detaiuls of successes and failures does help people.

That depends on the deni9sty, whcih varies. WIth the density I have 2.5 teaspoons is 19 grams.

What details are we gathering? To follow the protocol? To not try to do things your own way? I think that's the only details that we're gathering here? Make sure that the product you're using is absolutely legit?


That's the thing with the brand that they use. People had blood tested it and the blood test passed.

Anyway I'm not doing this anymore I don't feel like straining my mind right now.
I was going to order the exact same brand until I started coming across those threads. That's what I decided I would just go to Google and go with the first company that came up, which was DD.

 

[Someone123]

What... What are you trying to criticize me for now

You do have a pattern of attcking pweople who post threads about failed sn attempts, which is very unhelpful, unsupportive, and mean towards people who are trying to find peace and to share tehr experiences, good and bad.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

You do have a pattern of attcking pweople who post threads about failed sn attempts, which is very unhelpful, unsupportive, and mean towards people who are trying to find peace and to share tehr experiences, good and bad.

Lmao. The only one I go at is @freelifexit who is clearly trying to fear monger.

Anyway I don't need your criticism. I didn't ask for it. Go about your day in peace. Thanks.

 

[Someone123]

Lmao. The only one I go at is @freelifexit who is clearly trying to fear monger.

Anyway I don't need your criticism. I didn't ask for it. Go about your day in peace.

There are severeal people on this thread who have been very disrespectulf to o.p., including accusing them of being a pro-lifer who is trying to get people to lose conjhfidence in sn- this paranoia is very mean to people who are just sharing the experiences.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

There are severeal people on this thread who have been very disrespectulf to o.p., including accusing them of being a pro-lifer who is trying to get people to lose conjhfidence in sn- this paranoia is very mean to people who are just sharing the experiences.

Yeah well I'm not those several people.

OP product is not good. I'm not responding to this thread anymore. Be at peace.
I don't believe anything anyone says here anyway or in general. I just came across a user who posted a goodbye thread, supposedly drank the SN, family ended up coming home and finding him dead and came on SaSu to let us know that he died, then they had a scheduled message sent a while after that said something to the affect of "this is a delayed message heaven is beautiful etc" Then to see the account was active a few days ago, and that they have a new account.

 

[Papilio_polyxenes]

I promise I'm not one of those people who goes around giving unsolicited advice, but please, please, please be sure about your ctb before you quit.

Especially if you don't have another support system (financially) and/or won't be able to easily find another job.

I quit and told myself that a year would be plenty enough time to ctb or find other employment. I've done neither.

I ask myself all the time if I would've had the courage to attempt ctb while still employed and I don't know the answer.

If I failed, I wouldn't want my employer to find out because I was hospitalized. But then I tell myself I just wouldn't have gone back.

Anyway, I made one of the hugest mistakes of my life quitting that type of job when I did.

So anytime I see "quit" and "job" in the same sentence, I'm coming running like, "WAAAAIT!"

But I'm sure you've got it covered.

Thanks, and I welcome any advice. My (primary) job is of the dead-end retail variety, so it's not "important" in the grand scheme of things.

At this stage, I'm pretty much committed to CTB by end of the month or early January at the latest.

 

[Someone123]

That's it! So tired of hearing failure stories it's scaring me! I'm done! I'm not drinking SN anymore! I'm gonna boof it!

This comment is very disrespectful to o.p. and is ridiculing their experience, which was a very painful and difficult experience, and still is.

I personally don't believe you at all. Everyone else on here can make up their own minds.

This is very, very disrespectful to o.p.

 

[murphyy]

Damn thats weird, I took only 1 g and it knocked me right out after 5 mins, and mine was 96% purity, not 100 like yours.


And according to wikipedia and your weight, the lethal dose would be around 5 g - yet you've ingested twice the amount and you're still alive and kicking. So something doesn't add up. Maybe you're SN resistant lol. Or the SN wasn't pure. I assume you're from the US, so if you bought the SN over a sketchy website it mightve been not pure or it mightve been just nitrate, even if the packaging said otherwise.

 

[Someone123]

One thing that all failed attempts have in common is that the people who drank it vomited almost immediately. Your case is extraordinary to say the least... lol

This is also very disrespectful- with the "lol", when a person is sharing a very painful and difficult experience.

He took Sodium Nitrate. Not nitrite.

This you are stating as a fact wihgout evidence of this. This is not likely t obe the case, though it is possible, and you are stating this as a fact.