Venting I though I was getting better...

[Hallow]

I have been put on a new antidepressants (citalopram) a few weeks ago. At the beginning it seemed to have worked some sort of miracle: I was calm and collected, I wasn't having emotional meltdowns, and most importantly I wasn't feeling suicidal.

But in the last 4 days things have been going down in freefall. I can't cope with work stress. I feel like shit every time I am less than perfect and then I feel like a failure.
It doesn't matter how hard I try, I will always be a failure. I will always feel like shit. I am tired. Tired of feeling like shit. Tired of hating myself. Tired of this feeling that I will never be good enough. That I will never be able to function in society.
I have been depressed my whole life, since I was a child. I held on and pushed on, hoping that one dai I'll get better but that day never comes.
I'm tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly can be so awful when what we go through just continues to get worse, and it does sound really tiring being in that situation. I also feel so tired of being trapped here but anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Notforlong]

Some antidepressants take up to 6 weeks to work and it's a roller coaster until then.

 

[thebusislatetonight]

I can empathise with you. I'm having a similar terrible time. Antidepressants are a little unreliable, to be honest. It sucks that we have to rely on medication to think straight and to function "normally". How could anyone not be tired of this? So much burden on people who never even asked for this life but are thrust into it and expected to go through it according to standards that these "normal" people put in place. It's absolutely ridiculous. This world thrives on hate and bitterness and self interest. It's a damn wonder how everyone ISN'T tired of it.