Venting I think i failed

[Sbetto]

It's been months since I've done anything other than lie in bed, watch TV series, and scroll through TikTok. The awareness that I've wasted what should have been the best years of my life has destroyed me. I can't even find the strength to get up and face the day. I spent years hoping that things would eventually get better, but now I've completely lost hope.
I believe that the main goals of a human being are to adapt, survive, reproduce, and leave a mark on this life ,and I haven't accomplished any of these things. Not even playing Xbox makes me happy anymore, even though I just bought a new game. Thinking about my wasted life demoralizes me so much that I can't enjoy even the little things.
My mom wants to get me on medication, but I already know it won't help. It won't ease my regrets. At most, I'll have some benzos ready for the SN protocol (XD). Nothing brings me joy anymore, or if it does, it lasts only for a moment. I'm firmly convinced I'll CTB in a couple of weeks. I just don't see any meaning in anything anymore.

 

[hedezev4]

Do you think you should do something just because you are human? That you should do something you don't like just because everyone else is doing it? I suggest you think about what you like and do it no matter what. I am in a similar situation, have been for 8 years now, I have 16 hours of free time every day. I do things I enjoy, playing games, watching movies and shows. I haven't had a girlfriend, I don't want a relationship, watching a movie would be more interesting than a relationship. I vaguely remember, but when I first started living like that, I felt that way too. But society may not understand me and I don't care. You say you're wasting your life, no matter where you waste it, life is finite and meaningless. What's better, to live 100 years, suffer all your life and work 8 hours a day or to live 25 years but do what you love. I would choose the latter. I think about what I want, not what someone else wants. Then why I want CtB, because I am bored, but I enjoy my life. Either way don't think it's your fault that you are the way you are. You didn't ask to come into this world, so don't feel guilty for not meeting someone else's standards.