joblessmonday2
New Member
- Mar 26, 2025
- 1
Hi,
I haven't been on this website for a while and I'm back because I am doing worse than ever. Before I start typing out my entire life story I want to say that English is not my first language.
It al started when I was in my mother's womb. I wasn't even born yet and still my life was already destroyed. My biological father tried to murder me my mother and my sister. He pushed us of the stair and poured gasoline throughout the entire house and tried to burn it down with all of us in there. Luckily that didn't happened but it affected me a lot. The second i was born, I was never accepted. I never had any friends. My first year of school ever (I was 4 yo) I got bullied on the first day. All I can remember is me being so stuck almost like I wasn't alive. I ran to the bathroom and started crying. The entire class came to see me and pointed and laughed. Even the teacher yelled at me. After that I switched schools which made life even worse. At 9 years old I got diagnosed with depression wich I am still struggling with (I am 21 now). I got bullied until I was 19 years old. Not just by classmates or random people on the internet. My parents, especially my step dad loved to see me miserable. He mentally abused me by degrading me and sometimes physically hurting me.
When I was 13 I tried to attempt. I remember me sitting in my room crying. Hearing my parents fighting and yelling again. No body noticed, nobody cared. I have harmed myself for many years and not one person ever thought of helping me. I've always been alone. I can almost say that I have experienced every horrible thing ever. At least that is what it feels like. I've been bullied, raped, abused, sexually assaulted, manipulated, hurt by so many people, body shamed, forced to attempt by bullies, beaten up, stalked, and every other awful thing you can think of. I was born to be miserable. And there is so so so much more to this story. It's just too much to tell you everything. The point is. I can't do this anymore. My health is declining, a year ago a ran away from home and I managed to get a place for myself while also being admitted to the hospital a lot of times. I am a strong person for still being alive but I don't want to be strong anymore. I want peace. I will never be able to work a 9-5 job just like every other person. I will always have my past haunt me.
No matter how much therapy I get I still feel like I am 13 in that room wanting to end my life. I still feel the hands around my neck from when my step dad tried to strangle me. I still hear every thing he has ever said to me about how miserable I am and how he agreed with me that I just should kill myself. Every breathing moment on this planet feels like eternal hell.
I haven't been on this website for a while and I'm back because I am doing worse than ever. Before I start typing out my entire life story I want to say that English is not my first language.
It al started when I was in my mother's womb. I wasn't even born yet and still my life was already destroyed. My biological father tried to murder me my mother and my sister. He pushed us of the stair and poured gasoline throughout the entire house and tried to burn it down with all of us in there. Luckily that didn't happened but it affected me a lot. The second i was born, I was never accepted. I never had any friends. My first year of school ever (I was 4 yo) I got bullied on the first day. All I can remember is me being so stuck almost like I wasn't alive. I ran to the bathroom and started crying. The entire class came to see me and pointed and laughed. Even the teacher yelled at me. After that I switched schools which made life even worse. At 9 years old I got diagnosed with depression wich I am still struggling with (I am 21 now). I got bullied until I was 19 years old. Not just by classmates or random people on the internet. My parents, especially my step dad loved to see me miserable. He mentally abused me by degrading me and sometimes physically hurting me.
When I was 13 I tried to attempt. I remember me sitting in my room crying. Hearing my parents fighting and yelling again. No body noticed, nobody cared. I have harmed myself for many years and not one person ever thought of helping me. I've always been alone. I can almost say that I have experienced every horrible thing ever. At least that is what it feels like. I've been bullied, raped, abused, sexually assaulted, manipulated, hurt by so many people, body shamed, forced to attempt by bullies, beaten up, stalked, and every other awful thing you can think of. I was born to be miserable. And there is so so so much more to this story. It's just too much to tell you everything. The point is. I can't do this anymore. My health is declining, a year ago a ran away from home and I managed to get a place for myself while also being admitted to the hospital a lot of times. I am a strong person for still being alive but I don't want to be strong anymore. I want peace. I will never be able to work a 9-5 job just like every other person. I will always have my past haunt me.
No matter how much therapy I get I still feel like I am 13 in that room wanting to end my life. I still feel the hands around my neck from when my step dad tried to strangle me. I still hear every thing he has ever said to me about how miserable I am and how he agreed with me that I just should kill myself. Every breathing moment on this planet feels like eternal hell.
