I shat in my underwear while trying to hang myself

[hang in there]

I'M GLAD THAT THOSE PEOPLE WILL EXPERIENCE THAT.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO HELP ME OR NO? Because that's not particularly helpful. I am aware that people will "care" after I die. I think it's sick. It's sick that they don't care about me now. ANSWER ME THAT.

You tried to scare me with your story but you just made me want to die more.

Help you how. Encourage you to try again? No, I won't be doing that. And you missed my point, which is that EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE CARES ABOUT YOU EVEN A LITTLE BIT EVEN IF THEY SAY OTHERWISE OR TRY TO CONVINCE THEMSELVES OTHERWISE. UNLESS THEY ARE ALL 100% GENUINE COLD BLOODED PSYCHOPATHS, THEY CARE. REACH OUT TO THEM. THEY ARE THERE TO HELP YOU. GO TALK TO YOUR NEIGHBORS.

 

[2messdup]

I'M GLAD THAT THOSE PEOPLE WILL EXPERIENCE THAT.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO HELP ME OR NO? Because that's not particularly helpful. I am aware that people will "care" after I die. I think it's sick. It's sick that they don't care about me now. ANSWER ME THAT.

You tried to scare me with your story but you just made me want to die more.

I honestly didn't try to scare you. I'm just saying how I've thought about things. I'm not trying to stop you wanting to die. I'm just saying my thoughts. Sorry.

I'M GLAD THAT THOSE PEOPLE WILL EXPERIENCE THAT.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO HELP ME OR NO? Because that's not particularly helpful. I am aware that people will "care" after I die. I think it's sick. It's sick that they don't care about me now. ANSWER ME THAT.

You tried to scare me with your story but you just made me want to die more.

Nothing will be in place for me. I will die a violent death.

I want to die every minute of every waking moment. But for me, impulsive attempts will be a disaster because so many things could go wrong. For a start, my ex has my dog and can't afford all her meds so I've had to be very sure that my ex will be left my last savings so he can take care of her, and to make sure that my selfish family don't grab it instead. But most of all, my method has to be nailed on fool-proof so i won't be found, won't be saved, and will be successful. And I need an answer from my mental health worker that lets me know in the ctb moment that there really really is no other answer. And he's off sick right now and I don't trust any other person to ask that question.

 

[fallingleaves]

Help you how. Encourage you to try again? No, I won't be doing that. And you missed my point, which is that EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE CARES ABOUT YOU EVEN A LITTLE BIT EVEN IF THEY SAY OTHERWISE OR TRY TO CONVINCE THEMSELVES OTHERWISE. UNLESS THEY ARE ALL 100% GENUINE COLD BLOODED PSYCHOPATHS, THEY CARE. REACH OUT TO THEM. THEY ARE THERE TO HELP YOU. GO TALK TO YOUR NEIGHBORS.

Don't yell at me. Why are you so unkind. Fuck you. Be nice to me or FUCK OFF

 

[2messdup]

I'M GLAD THAT THOSE PEOPLE WILL EXPERIENCE THAT.

DO YOU STILL WANT TO HELP ME OR NO? Because that's not particularly helpful. I am aware that people will "care" after I die. I think it's sick. It's sick that they don't care about me now. ANSWER ME THAT.

You tried to scare me with your story but you just made me want to die more.

Nothing will be in place for me. I will die a violent death.

I understand. I'm lucky that I have sn although another method was posted recently, a new one, and I'm so frustrated because I can't find the post as I wanted a backup method. But for me, I've spent a lot of time overwhelmed, in crisis, almost attempted with bad ways so many times, and realised that when i ctb i want all of it on MY terms, not susceptible to the wishes of others, including what happens to me afterwards. And so I've made a plan about what i do and what happens after so just for once, I'm doing things for ME, and on my terms, and no one else has any control over that.

 

[fallingleaves]

I honestly didn't try to scare you. I'm just saying how I've thought about things. I'm not trying to stop you wanting to die. I'm just saying my thoughts. Sorry.

I want to die every minute of every waking moment. But for me, impulsive attempts will be a disaster because so many things could go wrong. For a start, my ex has my dog and can't afford all her meds so I've had to be very sure that my ex will be left my last savings so he can take care of her, and to make sure that my selfish family don't grab it instead. But most of all, my method has to be nailed on fool-proof so i won't be found, won't be saved, and will be successful. And I need an answer from my mental health worker that lets me know in the ctb moment that there really really is no other answer. And he's off sick right now and I don't trust any other person to ask that question.

This is unrelated but a while ago a friend of mine called me to tell me that their therapist killed themself and they found it HILARIOUS. To be honest, I found it pretty funny too. These assholes don't know anything and they don't have any tools to help us. It's a scam.

 

[2messdup]

Don't yell at me. Why are you so unkind. Fuck you. Be nice to me or FUCK OFF

I think it was well meant. Just not what you were looking for

 

[fallingleaves]

I understand. I'm lucky that I have sn although another method was posted recently, a new one, and I'm so frustrated because I can't find the post as I wanted a backup method. But for me, I've spent a lot of time overwhelmed, in crisis, almost attempted with bad ways so many times, and realised that when i ctb i want all of it on MY terms, not susceptible to the wishes of others, including what happens to me afterwards. And so I've made a plan about what i do and what happens after so just for once, I'm doing things for ME, and on my terms, and no one else has any control over that.

Can I pls have info for SN and backup method too

I think it was well meant. Just not what you were looking for

They need to apologize.

 

[Dot]

Lts of therpsts wrk in tht area bcse thy hve persnl histry wth M.H tbf

thre hve bn therpsts on sasu & a clicnl psycholgst ctb almst 2 yrs ag/

 

[2messdup]

This is unrelated but a while ago a friend of mine called me to tell me that their therapist killed themself and they found it HILARIOUS. To be honest, I found it pretty funny too. These assholes don't know anything and they don't have any tools to help us. It's a scam.

Oh no, I don't think that's nice. My mental health worker is very kind and he just draws a poor wage whatever happens, snowed under with work (I'm in the UK with free healthcare). I agree, nothing's working for me but I honestly see all the evidence that my MH worker is a very kind and good man. I think a lot of them have been through these things themselves but somethings worked for them and they've come through it. I respect them hugely for that. Obviously some are complete clueless uncaring arseholes though and deserve to have their room trashed lol

 

[fallingleaves]

Lts of therpsts wrk in tht area bcse thy hve persnl histry wth M.H tbf

thre hve bn therpsts on sasu & a clicnl psycholgst ctb almst 2 yrs ag/

I hope I can figure out who they are so I can block and avoid them. Scum

 

[Anon7b8]

Hi. Been reading your posts these past few minutes. Honestly, I'm taking my SN in 4 to 5 hours, and i Don't really know how to comfort you. But from what I've read, you want help, not to catch the bus. I don't really know your story but it seems to me that either you should get professional help or call the closest family or friend you think has not betrayed you. There's always someone, maybe even a stranger that could help. Try going for a walk or a run to clear the head if you're somewhat able to do that. Being trapped in your flat is probably increasing youe anxiety. Anyway, best of luck to you. Sorry about the situation you are in.

 

[2messdup]

Can I pls have info for SN and backup method too

They need to apologize.

No i don't have the info for DMC any more. The shop kept going down and now i can't find a way to contact him myself. And the other method, like I say, I can't find it. The forums have been so active lately and I can't remember the heading of the thread. It was a chemical I'd never heard of before.

 

[fallingleaves]

Oh no, I don't think that's nice. My mental health worker is very kind and he just draws a poor wage whatever happens, snowed under with work (I'm in the UK with free healthcare). I agree, nothing's working for me but I honestly see all the evidence that my MH worker is a very kind and good man. I think a lot of them have been through these things themselves but somethings worked for them and they've come through it. I respect them hugely for that. Obviously some are complete clueless uncaring arseholes though and deserve to have their room trashed lol

Oh well then you're too stupid to understand. Please go away

 

[2messdup]

Hi. Been reading your posts these past few minutes. Honestly, I'm taking my SN in 4 to 5 hours, and i Don't really know how to comfort you. But from what I've read, you want help, not to catch the bus. I don't really know your story but it seems to me that either you should get professional help or call the closest family or friend you think has not betrayed you. There's always someone, maybe even a stranger that could help. Try going for a walk or a run to clear the head if you're somewhat able to do that. Being trapped in your flat is probably increasing youe anxiety. Anyway, best of luck to you. Sorry about the situation you are in.

yeah I thought running might help FL. It helps me when I can do it although often I freeze then can't.

Oh well then you're too stupid to understand. Please go away

Hey. I'm trying to help. Please, don't attavk me. I also have no one and am very sensitive to rejection. Please don't put me in crisis too.

 

[fallingleaves]

yeah I thought running might help FL. It helps me when I can do it although often I freeze then can't.

Hey. I'm trying to help. Please, don't attavk me. I also have no one and am very sensitive to rejection. Please don't put me in crisis too.

Then don't be rude to me.

 

[Dot]

Ppl hre mght nt alwys sy wht = wht u wnt 2 hear rght nw bt thy r all tryng thr bst 2 b hre fr u

If u d/ nt agree thn tht = fne bt thy r all sayng wth th/ bst intentns

 

[fallingleaves]

Hi. Been reading your posts these past few minutes. Honestly, I'm taking my SN in 4 to 5 hours, and i Don't really know how to comfort you. But from what I've read, you want help, not to catch the bus. I don't really know your story but it seems to me that either you should get professional help or call the closest family or friend you think has not betrayed you. There's always someone, maybe even a stranger that could help. Try going for a walk or a run to clear the head if you're somewhat able to do that. Being trapped in your flat is probably increasing youe anxiety. Anyway, best of luck to you. Sorry about the situation you are in.

I can't get professional help. I run from professional help. And my friends and family have betrayed me. So it's the end. People are fucking evil.

 

[2messdup]

Then don't be rude to me.

I'm not going to leave you anyway. I want to know you're ok, I don't want you to feel like this.

 

[fallingleaves]

Ppl hre mght nt alwys sy wht = wht u wnt 2 hear rght nw bt thy r all tryng thr bst 2 b hre fr u

If u d/ nt agree thn tht = fne bt thy r all sayng wth th/ bst intentns

Help me

I'm not going to leave you anyway. I want to know you're ok, I don't want you to feel like this.

Help me

 

[2messdup]

Then don't be rude to me.

I'll slow it down. Didn't mean to piss you off. But still I can't share your views about others. But we're all different. We're both allowed our own opinions. I just won't give mine. But i won't change them. But it makes no difference to what's happening now.

 

[Dot]

Am awre tht u clthes r wet in th/ bth bt IMO jst tke thm out & pt thm in bag untl u cn wsh thm proprly

Mke urslf a bath - smethng soothng

 

[roommate]

We're just people here on a forum, we don't know your whole situation.
You seem to be in a crisis episode.

Please call the emergency like an ambulance, they can help you!!

 

[fallingleaves]

I can't stop rocking back and forth. Nothing seems to help. I want to die so much.

We're just people here on a forum, we don't know your whole situation.
You seem to be in a crisis episode.

Please call the emergency like an ambulance, they can help you!!

So, are you going to apologize for mentioning emergency services and ambulances or am I going to have to put you on ignore? Genuine question. Never mention emergency services to me again.

 

[2messdup]

I can't stop rocking back and forth. Nothing seems to help. I want to die so much.

I understand. If you're rocking, the breathing thing might help (you know the breathe in for 4, pause for 2, breathe out for 6, get in a rhythm but don't force yourself to slow it until you're able to)

 

[fallingleaves]

I understand. If you're rocking, the breathing thing might help (you know the breathe in for 4, pause for 2, breathe out for 6, get in a rhythm but don't force yourself to slow it until you're able to)

It doesn't really help / I can't do it right now

 

[2messdup]

I can't stop rocking back and forth. Nothing seems to help. I want to die so much.

So, are you going to apologize for mentioning emergency services and ambulances or am I going to have to put you on ignore? Genuine question. Never mention emergency services to me again.

What have you got to put in a bath to make it nice? Can you sniff it and get the scent anyway? Bubble bath smell? bath salts smell?

 

[fallingleaves]

What have you got to put in a bath to make it nice? Can you sniff it and get the scent anyway? Bubble bath smell? bath salts smell?

Dude I have a million fancy bath salts but I just don't have it in me because I want to die.

 

[2messdup]

Dude I have a million fancy bath salts but I just don't have it in me because I want to die.

I understand.

Dude I have a million fancy bath salts but I just don't have it in me because I want to die.

Jealous of the bath salts by the way ;-)
I wish you'd be able to get those clothes out of the bath and out of sight though. Can't you just trash them?

 

[roommate]

I can't stop rocking back and forth. Nothing seems to help. I want to die so much.

So, are you going to apologize for mentioning emergency services and ambulances or am I going to have to put you on ignore? Genuine question. Never mention emergency services to me again.

How long are you in this state of mind?
You need to get help, you don't want to be ending up damaged.

 

[fallingleaves]

I understand.

Jealous of the bath salts by the way ;-)
I wish you'd be able to get those clothes out of the bath and out of sight though. Can't you just trash them?

No

How long are you in this state of mind?
You need to get help, you don't want to be ending up damaged.

Are you going to apologize? Last chance