ToniFoxGirl!!
Maybe a race to nowhere, still hope that I win
- Aug 20, 2023
- 68
I promise I'm not bragging, tonight was fucking intense and I'm so exhausted. This is a really sensitive and weird story, so I can't tell people in my life who know me, I have to put it here, I hope maybe someone enjoys it.
Couple weeks ago, I met a girl on Grindr and we made plans to meet at a bar the next day. We do, we go back to her place, but she immediately gets yelled at by someone she's living with, so I suggest we go to my place instead. On the way there, she shares with me that she has BPD (I suspect I do too), she SHs (I do too), and she had made an attempt on July 7th. She's a musician, like me, and she did a cover of Be Quiet and Drive by Deftones for me on acoustic guitar, and I thought it was so cool. During the drive, when we shared our mutual feelings about wanting to CTB, I started crying because it felt like fate that we met. She spends the night, and the next we have such a great day together, we got food, went to a nature trail, got eaten alive by mosquitos, went to guitar center, played a bunch of guitars and tuned them to alt tunings and played songs for each other, went to a record store, went to a park, just absolutely beautiful. Sadly, we both kinda realize we can't be more than friends, and we text each other back and forth here and there.
Fast forward to today, and she texts me as I get home around 9:30, asks to call me, and tells me she wants to make an attempt tonight. I had an absolute garbage day emotionally, and hit rock bottom, and decided I'm gonna start healing, so I was in the best possible mind to help her. I ask if I can pick her up and go for a drive, and she's okay with it.
I pick her up, and she's standing outside of her house, which I found out is because she had been threatened by the person she lives with that she can't come back or else. I start driving, and she starts telling me about what's been going on. It's a lot of driving and crying. Eventually she asks if I have a cigarette, and I go to a gas station and buy her a lighter and pack of menthols. At this point, we're driving back towards the city from the suburb she lived in that I picked her up from, and we just drive, and cry. I know I'm okay with her choice because I'd hope she'd respect mine, but I can't help but cry. She covered deftones for me, she made me feel not alone in my ideations, just something about our souls clicked, I can't explain it.
She asks me to leave her in a park and eventually, after realizing she doesn't have any methods available, starts texting people she knows, and I do the same. I'm decently connected in my city's trans scene, so I figured they'd have some resources for her.
A girl who's been trying so hard to be my friend in spite of my walls ends up reaching out and offering her a place to stay for at least a week. We drive back to a suburb from the city, I buy us Taco Bell, and we have a like, very emotionally sober conversation over Baja blasts. She's currently at my friends house and tomorrow I'm bringing her HRT, clothes, some food, and my crappy acoustic guitar so at least she has something to do while she figures out a new housing situation.
Thanks for reading. Sorry for posting
Couple weeks ago, I met a girl on Grindr and we made plans to meet at a bar the next day. We do, we go back to her place, but she immediately gets yelled at by someone she's living with, so I suggest we go to my place instead. On the way there, she shares with me that she has BPD (I suspect I do too), she SHs (I do too), and she had made an attempt on July 7th. She's a musician, like me, and she did a cover of Be Quiet and Drive by Deftones for me on acoustic guitar, and I thought it was so cool. During the drive, when we shared our mutual feelings about wanting to CTB, I started crying because it felt like fate that we met. She spends the night, and the next we have such a great day together, we got food, went to a nature trail, got eaten alive by mosquitos, went to guitar center, played a bunch of guitars and tuned them to alt tunings and played songs for each other, went to a record store, went to a park, just absolutely beautiful. Sadly, we both kinda realize we can't be more than friends, and we text each other back and forth here and there.
Fast forward to today, and she texts me as I get home around 9:30, asks to call me, and tells me she wants to make an attempt tonight. I had an absolute garbage day emotionally, and hit rock bottom, and decided I'm gonna start healing, so I was in the best possible mind to help her. I ask if I can pick her up and go for a drive, and she's okay with it.
I pick her up, and she's standing outside of her house, which I found out is because she had been threatened by the person she lives with that she can't come back or else. I start driving, and she starts telling me about what's been going on. It's a lot of driving and crying. Eventually she asks if I have a cigarette, and I go to a gas station and buy her a lighter and pack of menthols. At this point, we're driving back towards the city from the suburb she lived in that I picked her up from, and we just drive, and cry. I know I'm okay with her choice because I'd hope she'd respect mine, but I can't help but cry. She covered deftones for me, she made me feel not alone in my ideations, just something about our souls clicked, I can't explain it.
She asks me to leave her in a park and eventually, after realizing she doesn't have any methods available, starts texting people she knows, and I do the same. I'm decently connected in my city's trans scene, so I figured they'd have some resources for her.
A girl who's been trying so hard to be my friend in spite of my walls ends up reaching out and offering her a place to stay for at least a week. We drive back to a suburb from the city, I buy us Taco Bell, and we have a like, very emotionally sober conversation over Baja blasts. She's currently at my friends house and tomorrow I'm bringing her HRT, clothes, some food, and my crappy acoustic guitar so at least she has something to do while she figures out a new housing situation.
Thanks for reading. Sorry for posting
