i really don't know what to do anymore

[themisfell]

so, about a few months back, i had told myself if things didn't work out the way i wanted them to, i would cbt. my mom died a few months back as well as so many other personal bad things and i just completely fell apart, i expected to lose my financial aid for university, to be dropped out of school. and have nothing to do and no one to go to. but yet, since then, I started dating someone new, i resolved all my school stuff and actually are now closer to graduating then I was before due to talking to the heads of departments about my struggles and accommodating me. i honestly feel so lucky, so why do i feel so empty? everything feels so hollow. i feel so miserable. i still want to cbt. badly, even though i've literally been so, so fortunate in the last few months despite so much bad happening. I hate this so much. I genuinely don't know what to do with myself and I feel like I'm just trapped and I've been trapped for years, I thought things would get better when I became an adult and had full control over my life and the only thing that changed is that now I feel more control of the fact that I am fucking miserable. I know I'm just spouting this out as like... a vent I guess, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so sick and confused. this is so miserable.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I'm happy things are looking up for you! It's okay to have lingering feelings because bad stuff did happen to you, even though stuff is looking up you still have a right to feel tired from having to have dealt with so much hardship in the past. Hopefully things keep improving for you, so that when it's all over you can rest and take a breath of fresh air after all that upwards effort pays off. Adulting is really hard, especially in this economy. Proud of you for persevering