Help i really really wanna cut myself for the first time,,

[meowpuppy]

i wanna cut myself so bad lol i'm sorry i just wanna hurt myself so baddd i know i shouldn't i really do but

every time i pick up a knife i get this impulsive thought to start cutting myself, i just want to so badd i don't even know what it is per se i think i just wanna do it,, i don't think it's to like, fit in, or whatever, but maybe it is?? idk, or maybe i just wanna see how it feels, i'm not sure. the thing is, i CANNOT do it, at all, nope, no way, because mom would find out within the day.. or, maybe i could just do it and let mom find out.. i'm so anxious and giddy thinking about it.. just, cutting myself.. is so paralyzingly desirable to me for i don't know what reason.. gosh please help somebody i don't wanna do something bad to myself but also i really do..

oh yeah, and if i do this, this will be the first time i sh..

 

[LostZombie]

The best way I've heard to stop yourself is to understand the feeling, ask why its there, and what is your body saying is it trying to rationalize the pain or is it a way of it asking for help? Also just know that thoughts are just thoughts, and you let them pass through you, and don't let them control you; you control your actions so, your body isn't going to force you to do it.

Also trans rights my fellow girlie :3

 

[meowpuppy]

The best way I've heard to stop yourself is to understand the feeling, ask why its there, and what is your body saying is it trying to rationalize the pain or is it a way of it asking for help? Also just know that thoughts are just thoughts, and you let them pass through you, and don't let them control you; you control your actions so, your body isn't going to force you to do it.

Also trans rights my fellow girlie :3

trans rights!! yay!!

i don't know what i want from it, i don't know.. i just, want it to happen, it's a confusing mix of emotions, i just want to do it so bad.. it's all that i can tell because of it..

 

[Braindead Girl]

If you really need to cut just make sure you cut safe. Make sure you disinfect the blade before you start or at least wash it under hot water for a bit and try to do small cuts and after your done wash the wounds and try to apply some alchohol swabs after or anything antibacterial. If it wont stop bleeding you may have to buy bandages or something like that. Just do the prep to make sure it doesn't get infected or else your in for a bad time

also trans rights!!!

 

[meowpuppy]

i

If you really need to cut just make sure you cut safe. Make sure you disinfect the blade before you start or at least wash it under hot water for a bit and try to do small cuts and after your done wash the wounds and try to apply some alchohol swabs after or anything antibacterial. If it wont stop bleeding you may have to buy bandages or something like that. Just do the prep to make sure it doesn't get infected or else your in for a bad time

also trans rights!!!

ts okay im probably not gonna do it mom would notice but gosh i want to so badd,,

 

[Braindead Girl]

i

ts okay im probably not gonna do it mom would notice but gosh i want to so badd,,

that's great it can be really hard to resist the urge sometimes. and it can become addictive quite easily if you start.

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

I truly wouldn't recommend it. For me, it was addicting. The thoughts come and go, but once you start it's easy to return to as a form of relief.

The biggest downside is truly the scars. I stopped cutting ten years ago, and I'm just now getting to a point where they've finally faded. Every doctors appointment, every day at the pool, every changing room, every hot summer day, every intimate moment... *everyone* seemed to notice, and nobody saw me the same afterward. I had to start designing my whole life over hiding.

Then, there's the addictive aspect where you cut more and more to get the same relief, the embarrassment if you need stitches, God forbid an infection. It's just not something I would ever recommend someone starting.

Similar things that fulfil that same void for me are: tweezing, waxing, cutting my cuticles, scalding hot showers, dry brushing, epilators, punishing workouts, ice baths - basically anything that hurts and doesn't have as many long term risks.

I hope you're okay, OP. Good luck regardless.

 

[meowpuppy]

I truly wouldn't recommend it. For me, it was addicting. The thoughts come and go, but once you start it's easy to return to as a form of relief.

The biggest downside is truly the scars. I stopped cutting ten years ago, and I'm just now getting to a point where they've finally faded. Every doctors appointment, every day at the pool, every changing room, every hot summer day, every intimate moment... *everyone* seemed to notice, and nobody saw me the same afterward. I had to start designing my whole life over hiding.

Then, there's the addictive aspect where you cut more and more to get the same relief, the embarrassment if you need stitches, God forbid an infection. It's just not something I would ever recommend someone starting.

Similar things that fulfil that same void for me are: tweezing, waxing, cutting my cuticles, scalding hot showers, dry brushing, epilators, punishing workouts, ice baths - basically anything that hurts and doesn't have as many long term risks.

I hope you're okay, OP. Good luck regardless.

all those things would hurt way more for me than just doing some cuts ghkfgohfokhgh

and its not just the pain im constantly in pain,, but,, idk..

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

all those things would hurt way more for me than just doing some cuts ghkfgohfokhgh

and its not just the pain im constantly in pain,, but,, idk..

Oh, I see. For me, I think it was punishment and wanting a physical outlet for psychological pain.

For you, the 'why' might be something different. Is it more of an intrusive thought?

Still sending hugs.

 

[meowpuppy]

Oh, I see. For me, I think it was punishment and wanting a physical outlet for psychological pain.

For you, the 'why' might be something different. Is it more of an intrusive thought?

Still sending hugs.

it makes me feel really giddy thinking about it,, like, i don't know, i think it'll be great. i wanna do it now especially because i know that if this anticipation for cutting isn't acted on, it'll spiral out into anxiety like the rest of my anticipation. whenever i anticipate something, i have to get it fast or else i'm fucked. i'd never want to punish myself, i wanna be gentle with myself, but for me being gentle doesn't mean anything about pain in general, just how i inflict that pain and what types of pain

 

[Braindead Girl]

Cutting for me honestly just really helps when i'm having anxiety attacks and i hate that i've become reliant on it for that. but it's really the only way for me to calm down sometimes sadly. but definitely there are healthier ways of getting a similarish sensation to cutting but those methods never really helped for me. and there is also like pen's that emulate the feeling of self harm along with like making your arms red and they can ship them incognito too from what i remember if that's needed.

 

[Awesomefoid67]

tbh it can kinda help but it's definitely not good and can be pretty addictive. for me it helped alot at first and sometimes still does now but tbh alot of the time now it makes me feel worse because i get distressed that one isnt deep enough or long enough or it wont scar enough or etc. if you do it though yeah make sure to like try do it as safely as possible like avoiding spots near big veins or arteries and avoid going too deep and practice proper woundcare and stuff (tbh i'm kind of a hypocrite cus i half ass woundcare i just hold a gauze on it for a bit and then slap a dressing on and forget about it but like do as i say not as i do lmao)

 

[dragonofenvy]

Definitely don't. I know from experience. If you do do it make sure you disinfect whatever you're using at the wounds afterwards.

For preventative measures I've found what has helped me is exercise. I run around my apartment while listening to 80s style electronic music by Irving Force. Some say that holding ice can help with the urges but it doesn't do much for me. I've also gotten some fidget balls that have helped me a lot. They're fun to squeeze and it's also fun to put them in a square and roll them on my fingers.

Also remember that it's an urge. It's gets very intense at around the 10 minute mark but then goes down and typically after 20 minutes it fades, at least according to the mental health professionals I've been seeing, and from experience it seems true.

Again, as tempting as it may be I urge you to find alternatives. Catharsis is nice in the short term, but long term you're going to be in for a lot more pain.

 

[meowpuppy]

Definitely don't. I know from experience. If you do do it make sure you disinfect whatever you're using at the wounds afterwards.

For preventative measures I've found what has helped me is exercise. I run around my apartment while listening to 80s style electronic music by Irving Force. Some say that holding ice can help with the urges but it doesn't do much for me. I've also gotten some fidget balls that have helped me a lot. They're fun to squeeze and it's also fun to put them in a square and roll them on my fingers.

Also remember that it's an urge. It's gets very intense at around the 10 minute mark but then goes down and typically after 20 minutes it fades, at least according to the mental health professionals I've been seeing, and from experience it seems true.

Again, as tempting as it may be I urge you to find alternatives. Catharsis is nice in the short term, but long term you're going to be in for a lot more pain.

ice is actually really cool to me!! i love ice, i eat trays of ice occasionally. i think i'm going to go get some ice to eat.

and i don't know how true that is because, one, it didn't, and two, it's not an urge to relapse, but an urge to start. and unfortunately it's not really feasible for me to think in the long term because, well, i'm gonna die soon.

i think i'll probably just not do it for pragmatic reasons because it'd be awkward to get caught with them..

 

[dragonofenvy]

and i don't know how true that is because, one, it didn't, and two, it's not an urge to relapse, but an urge to start. and unfortunately it's not really feasible for me to think in the long term because, well, i'm gonna die soon.

It's on your mind constantly? Hmm. I guess that's my bad on my part for projecting my own experience onto yours. Sorry about that.

Ultimately it is your decision and again I'll reiterate that it's something that's not fun to start doing. You're right. It's extremely awkward to get caught. I have before when I was 17 and the experience sucked.

 

[meowpuppy]

It's on your mind constantly? Hmm. I guess that's my bad on my part for projecting my own experience onto yours. Sorry about that.

Ultimately it is your decision and again I'll reiterate that it's something that's not fun to start doing. You're right. It's extremely awkward to get caught. I have before when I was 17 and the experience sucked.

it's been on and off on my mind for a little bit, maybe today. im probably not going to do it, it's just going to be one more intrusive thought of many.. actually, i probably literally can't do it lol. there aren't sharp enough objects in the house, i don't think..