Venting I only have a will to live when I have my meds

[obei]

So I started taking Clonazepam, I have half a pill and my doctor said to use it only when really needed. I use it every day. Im on a whole pill now, sometimes one and a half, which technically isnt much still but lower doses I dont think work anymore, or it is just Placebo, but still. And idk for how long I can ask my father to give me meds until he stops, and then ill have to buy them, and hide them. But I have a huge guilt about lying to my mother and usually I comfess to my lying, so if I buy them ill have huge guilt AND I would be so scared that she finds them and if she does im screwed.
What should I do???