I need help.

[Last chance]

I really am getting desperate to find something/someone to help me out of this nightmare now because I am getting very close to the edge.

I suffered from pretty severe depression for years,decided to tackle it,was on meds and having regular therapy and thought I had beat it. I came off the meds about three years ago.

I was recently in a loving and happy 2 year relationship until she ended it out of the blue just over a month ago. I literally cant stop thinking about her. When I am awake she is there in my head,when I am asleep she is there in my head,I am woken up early by thoughts of her or different scenarios so I am not getting enough sleep.

I literally cannot stop looking at her social media,I have figured out she is seeing someone new and who it is.I know this sounds crazy and stalkery as fuck but I just cant seem to stop myself. Im addicted even though it only makes me feel worse. I have attachment trauma from childhood. (just writing this makes me want to look again)

It's driving me insane,my anxiety is through the roof,my depression is the worst it's ever been and I cant seem to shake it.

Ive started having therapy again but it isnt helping. I have tried meditation and my brain wont shut up. I keep getting told just give it time but I cant go on for much longer feeling like this. I have been told to do things for myself but I have 0 interest in doing this and nothing brings me pleasure only painful memories. I have tried exercise,it does nothing for me.

I cant go back to the doctors to get back on meds 1)Because I don't want to go back on them and 2)Because Im in the process of getting a new job and you have to be clear of any mental health episodes for at least 6 months. The kicker is I dont even know if I will be able to go through the next stage of the application process (a physical and medical) because of the state I am in.

Does anybody have any suggestions of something that might help bring me some peace? I am well and truly desperate,I want to get through this,I want to be "happy" but right now I am exhausted and just want to die so I can escape.

 

[timf]

The best foundation for hope is the recent years of success you have had. This should bolster the view that what you are feeling will eventually pass. To get through this the sense of loss may be diminished a bit if you allow yourself to be a little more critical of your former partner.

It is natural to hold on to the positive things and even hold on to an optimistic view of how things might have been. However, a more cold and analytical view might reveal limits that could have developed into painful problems.

It hurts now and probably will for a while. However, you may slowly begin to consider things that might have become significant problems. This sort of consideration can help the healing process continue.

 

[Mitokondrium]

I really am getting desperate to find something/someone to help me out of this nightmare now because I am getting very close to the edge.

I suffered from pretty severe depression for years,decided to tackle it,was on meds and having regular therapy and thought I had beat it. I came off the meds about three years ago.

I was recently in a loving and happy 2 year relationship until she ended it out of the blue just over a month ago. I literally cant stop thinking about her. When I am awake she is there in my head,when I am asleep she is there in my head,I am woken up early by thoughts of her or different scenarios so I am not getting enough sleep.

I literally cannot stop looking at her social media,I have figured out she is seeing someone new and who it is.I know this sounds crazy and stalkery as fuck but I just cant seem to stop myself. Im addicted even though it only makes me feel worse. I have attachment trauma from childhood. (just writing this makes me want to look again)

It's driving me insane,my anxiety is through the roof,my depression is the worst it's ever been and I cant seem to shake it.

Ive started having therapy again but it isnt helping. I have tried meditation and my brain wont shut up. I keep getting told just give it time but I cant go on for much longer feeling like this. I have been told to do things for myself but I have 0 interest in doing this and nothing brings me pleasure only painful memories. I have tried exercise,it does nothing for me.

I cant go back to the doctors to get back on meds 1)Because I don't want to go back on them and 2)Because Im in the process of getting a new job and you have to be clear of any mental health episodes for at least 6 months. The kicker is I dont even know if I will be able to go through the next stage of the application process (a physical and medical) because of the state I am in.

Does anybody have any suggestions of something that might help bring me some peace? I am well and truly desperate,I want to get through this,I want to be "happy" but right now I am exhausted and just want to die so I can escape.

I have lost 3 years of my life and the love of my life because of depression.
It is a tough place to be.
The reason I am writing to you is because me losing the love of my life was also something I could not cope with for YEARS to come.
It is insanely difficult. What really helped me was to realize that the woman I loved did not exist. She happened to look the same and have the same name as the girl I knew, but she was someone else. What I did was creating an idealized construct of her and fell in love in her. When you talk to her, altough she is not there, when you think about her in different scenarios, it is not really her. It is someone else, a construct of your brain. You are obsessing over someone who is not a real person. I met the love of my life years after I lost her and I was trying to pursue her again, without any success. And I thought I will kill myself because of it. But I had to realize that the girl who was standing in front of me was a different person. In my mind she became her own. So in the end I could grieve her, and grieve her hard, because I realized that she was someone who died / never really existed. This managed to help me get through with it.

 

[Last chance]

The best foundation for hope is the recent years of success you have had. This should bolster the view that what you are feeling will eventually pass. To get through this the sense of loss may be diminished a bit if you allow yourself to be a little more critical of your former partner.

It is natural to hold on to the positive things and even hold on to an optimistic view of how things might have been. However, a more cold and analytical view might reveal limits that could have developed into painful problems.

It hurts now and probably will for a while. However, you may slowly begin to consider things that might have become significant problems. This sort of consideration can help the healing process continue.

This is one of the problems,I have read a few times that I should write down all the bad things about the relationship but I cant think of a single one. To me it was perfect,mutually supportive,amazing sex and such a deep connection. I think it is one of the reasons that this has hit me so hard. It was out of nowhere and we both seemed so happy.

Im trying really hard to externalise things so that I can look at them from a different perspective but at the moment I am so consumed by sadness and anxiety that its proving difficult to do.

I have lost 3 years of my life and the love of my life because of depression.
It is a tough place to be.
The reason I am writing to you is because me losing the love of my life was also something I could not cope with for YEARS to come.
It is insanely difficult. What really helped me was to realize that the woman I loved did not exist. She happened to look the same and have the same name as the girl I knew, but she was someone else. What I did was creating an idealized construct of her and fell in love in her. When you talk to her, altough she is not there, when you think about her in different scenarios, it is not really her. It is someone else, a construct of your brain. You are obsessing over someone who is not a real person. I met the love of my life years after I lost her and I was trying to pursue her again, without any success. And I thought I will kill myself because of it. But I had to realize that the girl who was standing in front of me was a different person. In my mind she became her own. So in the end I could grieve her, and grieve her hard, because I realized that she was someone who died / never really existed. This managed to help me get through with it.

Thats great advice thank you,I just need to get some space between myself and my thoughts so that I can shift the perspective. At the moment this is proving to be impossible but I know that at some point things will change. It scares me reading how long it has taken for people to get over these things. I cant go on feeling this way for years.

 

[Mitokondrium]

This is one of the problems,I have read a few times that I should write down all the bad things about the relationship but I cant think of a single one. To me it was perfect,mutually supportive,amazing sex and such a deep connection. I think it is one of the reasons that this has hit me so hard. It was out of nowhere and we both seemed so happy.

Im trying really hard to externalise things so that I can look at them from a different perspective but at the moment I am so consumed by sadness and anxiety that its proving difficult to do.


Thats great advice thank you,I just need to get some space between myself and my thoughts so that I can shift the perspective. At the moment this is proving to be impossible but I know that at some point things will change. It scares me reading how long it has taken for people to get over these things. I cant go on feeling this way for years.

Yes it can take years, but it is not always bad. I also had some great time during my depressed years, altought it was mostly work related. What I love to do and I do passsionately is writing a diary. I write my thoughts into Google Drive as frequently as possible. This is great for multiple reasons. First of all, I have something to do. Secondly, it also gives me perception of my past thoughts. For example, the love of my life was actually not that good to me and I hated her sometimes when we were involved. My brain just eradicated all that and now she is like this shining beacon of goodness. But Google Drive does not lie and if I become truly desperate I can go back and read a ton about what really happened, and althought I am in total denial of that, I can still read it which helps me a lot.
Actually consulting my diary is something I wish to have done much sooner, it would help me out of a couple of tough spots.

 

[TriggerHappy]

I really am getting desperate to find something/someone to help me out of this nightmare now because I am getting very close to the edge.

I suffered from pretty severe depression for years,decided to tackle it,was on meds and having regular therapy and thought I had beat it. I came off the meds about three years ago.

I was recently in a loving and happy 2 year relationship until she ended it out of the blue just over a month ago. I literally cant stop thinking about her. When I am awake she is there in my head,when I am asleep she is there in my head,I am woken up early by thoughts of her or different scenarios so I am not getting enough sleep.

I literally cannot stop looking at her social media,I have figured out she is seeing someone new and who it is.I know this sounds crazy and stalkery as fuck but I just cant seem to stop myself. Im addicted even though it only makes me feel worse. I have attachment trauma from childhood. (just writing this makes me want to look again)

It's driving me insane,my anxiety is through the roof,my depression is the worst it's ever been and I cant seem to shake it.

Ive started having therapy again but it isnt helping. I have tried meditation and my brain wont shut up. I keep getting told just give it time but I cant go on for much longer feeling like this. I have been told to do things for myself but I have 0 interest in doing this and nothing brings me pleasure only painful memories. I have tried exercise,it does nothing for me.

I cant go back to the doctors to get back on meds 1)Because I don't want to go back on them and 2)Because Im in the process of getting a new job and you have to be clear of any mental health episodes for at least 6 months. The kicker is I dont even know if I will be able to go through the next stage of the application process (a physical and medical) because of the state I am in.

Does anybody have any suggestions of something that might help bring me some peace? I am well and truly desperate,I want to get through this,I want to be "happy" but right now I am exhausted and just want to die so I can escape.

... f#ck; I've lost my magick wand, sorry...
[[ really wish I could 'fix' stuff for you: but inspite of the awful episode you are going through - you seem to be well-adjusted / aware and wise. You will get through this (i'm sorry I sound like a recovery 'happy-camper') know you are doing as best you can - don't judge / put yourself down more unless you're learning from it ]]

 

[usernameforhere]

You can seek to Mediate where you try to quiet your mind and let the thoughts come to you or you can seek to mediate and guide your experiences. Sounds like the first version is difficult for you at this time so maybe try the second. You could get in a position that is comfortable for you, slow your breathing and imagine any seen you want, you could image things to have ended ina way that gives you comfort, you can image the great future with someone else. There aren't so many rules. Good lukc