I need help

[I’vehadenough]

even when im alone I still have to cope with the memories. I don't want years of this. I am tired and I feel broken. I have been through so much for so long. unless you have been in that position you don't know how you'd cope. society says I should keep trying and fight for life but I cant. I just don't have it in me. if an animal was suffering you'd put in down. its the same for me.

Have you tried a trauma therapist who practices EMDR?

 

[ksera]

yep had 6 months of it. at first it was ok the in just retraumatised me. I have really tried. I took all the help that was offered. I think its just too much.

 

[GinaIsReady]

even when im alone I still have to cope with the memories. I don't want years of this. I am tired and I feel broken. I have been through so much for so long. unless you have been in that position you don't know how you'd cope. society says I should keep trying and fight for life but I cant. I just don't have it in me. if an animal was suffering you'd put in down. its the same for me.

I understand and empathize with your feeling of having hit your limit. I have related the animal analogy to myself so many times! There is so much good advice in this thread; you are fortunate to have so many people come to your side to support you on this site, though I could also see how you might feel overwhelmed by all of the advice.

What I would like to tell you is that I don't know how you've survived to now; you must be INCREDIBLY strong! That kind of strength and determination is pretty rare in a person, IMO. Those traits would be essential to recovery for you (mental health recovery, broad term here, not just applicable to addiction), if you chose to go down that path. But if you chose not to, it's my hope that before ending your life that you find a way to stabilize for the time being and see about making some changes to your meds, as the others have strongly suggested. It's possible that the meds are completely fucking up your thinking, emotions, survival instinct, etc. and leading you down behavioral paths you wouldn't go down if not on those meds (this happened to me). So please at least consider that before suicide. But again, I sooooooo relate. Best wishes to you!

yep had 6 months of it. at first it was ok the in just retraumatised me. I have really tried. I took all the help that was offered. I think its just too much.

That's a lot of EMDR!! I've had 5 treatments and the last one about killed me! Thank you for sharing this!